


Hopeless Kingdom

by lovesafragilelittleflame



Series: Hopeless Kingdom [1]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-14 09:16:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 55,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13587003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesafragilelittleflame/pseuds/lovesafragilelittleflame
Summary: Bella Swan is an Academy Award winning actress trying her hand at music after an incident leaves her unable to act for a year. While on tour she meets the Cullen family in Chicago. Can businessman Edward Cullen handle the spotlight, or will his own demons tear them apart? Cannon couples - A/U - AH - RATED M





	1. 100 Letters

DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

 

**_ Hopeless Kingdom _ **

 

_Now I can’t stop thinking that I almost gave you everything. And now the whole thing’s finished and I can’t stop wishing that I never gave you anything.  ~ Halsey, **100 Letters**_

            The buzz of the alarm jerks me awake.  My body is so sore and stiff from the last few days of working that the only thing that encourages me to get up is knowing it is my last day on this job. _Hopefully ever._

            Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore my job. It’s everything to me and never something I take for granted. But working with an ex who lied to you about nearly everything from the moment you met can cause a few issues, to say the least.

            The first time I met Jacob I was intrigued. Everything about him should have turned me off. He was my coworker, and nearly fifteen years my senior, but God he was everything to me. At least, I thought he was.

            When I first met him and his friend, Sam, they were so kind and welcoming to me. They had worked side by side on this show for eight years, but it seemed that whenever a new cast member was introduced they welcomed them with open arms.

            I still felt this pull toward Jacob, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it. He had that whole cliché ruggedly handsome look to him. He was kind to everyone on set from the director to the girl who worked the craft service table, a feature rarely seen in some of my past costars. To top it off, he was also talented as hell.

            And married, apparently. Not that he bothered to tell me that for the nine months we were together.

            “Bella, get up! We have to be out of here in twenty minutes!” Kate shouts at me from the other room. Having her live with me in this tiny apartment seemed like a good idea when I first started working on _Unknown_ about a year ago. Now, I can’t wait to be on my own again and done with this show for good.

            No, that’s not necessarily true. This marks the beginning of my supposed ‘hiatus’ and that royally pisses me off.

            I got conned into doing a shit show of a movie a few years back, another teen trilogy like the one that got me into acting in the first place. The books were great, but the movie adaption was just awful. Long story short, after I realized how horrible the movies were turning out, I had my lawyers get me out of the contract. The studio was pissed, but I got out. Unfortunately for me, one of the terms of my settlement is that I can’t be paid to act for the next year while they finish the last movie of the series.

            I sort of got around that, though.

            I found out about that little clause a few months ago, around the same time I started writing some songs with a few of my friends. They were both ungodly talented musicians, and Grammy winners to boot, but they were my friends first. They could see I was spiraling and needed some kind of outlet. They started teaching me how to tinker with a guitar and how to put all of the emotions swirling around in my head on paper.

            I ended up writing an album and recording it within just a few months. One of my friends that helped me find my musical side, Peter, was in the process of opening up his own label. I was the first artist he signed.

            I’m not a world class vocalist or lyricist, but I think that’s part of the reason people will hopefully be interested in the music aspect of my career. It’s real and relatable. _I hope_.

            I know, I know. Crossovers rarely work, right? But, here’s where it gets interesting. I’ve written a movie/musical that follows the album. Every penny of the project has come from my own personal bank account, from wardrobe to cast salaries, myself excluded.

God, I hope this works out. 

            “Bella! Let’s go!”

            “I’m up! I’m up!” I shout back. I stumble out of bed and throw on the first articles of clothing my hands touch. I don’t bother doing much more than brushing my teeth when I’m about to spend two hours having someone make me look either breathtakingly attractive or hideously ugly, depending on the scene we’re shooting today.

            I barely remember to grab the script sitting on my bedside table as I meet Kate in the living room.

            “How nice of you to join me,” Kate says from her spot on the couch. Her gorgeous golden hair is tied back in a perfectly symmetrical pony tail, and her casual t-shirt and jeans look a hell of a lot better than my yoga pants and oversized sweatshirt.

            “What, did you miss me? It has been six hours after all,” I smirk at her.

            I may complain about her from time to time, and she knows it, but I wouldn’t survive without Kate. She was one of the first people I hired on my team when I started this, and she’s been my constant companion since. She’s one of the only people I trust completely in this world. She may be my personal assistant, but she’s also one of my closest companions.

            “Let’s get this over with,” I mumble, grabbing a water out of the small kitchen near the door.

            “Last day, last day, last day!” Kate fake cheers as we leave the condo.

            “Thank God. Heidi knows I’m done with _Unknown_ for the foreseeable future, right? I don’t want her coming to me as soon as the year is up with a new contract. I’m out.”

            “She knows, but it wouldn’t hurt to tell her again. You know how she can get when they start throwing more money at her,” Kate grumbles.

            I just have to get through today before I move on to the next phase of my life. I have _Badlands_ to look forward to and I’ve put my heart, body, and soul into every aspect of that album and movie. I’m going to make it the best damn thing I’ve ever done.

 

~H.K.~

 

            “You’re all set, Bella. I’ll see you next time around, okay?” Addie tells me, a polite smile on her face. She’s done with my makeup and is moving on to the next person in line. There is usually a line of extras on a show like this, all needing some horrific mask or wound.

            _Unknown_ used to be one of my favorite shows, which is why I jumped at the chance to guest star on it a while back. It has just the right amount of suspense and mystery and horror to keep people interested. But anyone watching could tell that as the show kept going, it was losing steam. I like to think the introduction of my character, Aurora, gave the show a little bit more life.

            But . . . whatever. I’m over it now.

            Walking across the blistering lot in Vancouver I bump into both of the people I’ve managed to avoid since I got here. I keep my eyes glued to the phone in my hand, hoping to slip right past them, but Sam calls out my name.

            “Hey, how’s it going?” My voice sounds weaker than I’d like it to. I want nothing more than to let Jacob know I’m not the immature child he accused me of being at the end of our relationship, but my mind blanks as I look at the two of them.

            “Do you want to run lines for your last few scenes? We were just heading to – “

            “No thanks, I’m good. I actually have a few calls to make before I have to head down to the set, so I should get going.”

            Sam gives me pity eyes and it takes all of my willpower to resist rolling my eyes at him. I’m tired of pity eyes. I’m ready to see admiration and awe in everyone’s eyes when they look at me again.  

 

~H.K.~

 

            “That’s a wrap!”

            I breathe out a deep sigh of relief. Usually hearing those words brings me a twinge of sadness. I tend get attached to the projects I work on, but I have no remorse about being done with this show.

            Sam gives me a gentle hug. Despite everything that has happened since I started this show, and despite his role in all of it, he truly is a good guy. He’s nice to every single person he meets. Whether it is an award-winning actor or the janitor who cleans up the stage, Sam will make an effort to talk to them and make them comfortable.

            I know he feels bad about what happened between me and Jacob, but I’ve told him I don’t blame him for any of it.

            “I’m gonna miss having you around here.”

            “I have no doubt that I’ll see you around soon, Sam.” We don’t typically run in the same circles, but in this business you tend to run into people when you least expect it.

            Jacob puts an awkward hand on my shoulder and looks at me as if he is about to say something, but then a chorus of cheers erupts behind me.

            I turn around and the crew is pushing a cart full of cake and decorated with streamers and balloons towards me. I look down at the cake and see “Farewell Bella” written in elegant purple icing.

            My cheeks start to burn but I know my blush is well hidden behind the inch of makeup covering my face. “Thanks, guys.”

            My final few months on this show may have been hell, but the first half of my time here was pretty spectacular. I know I’ll miss seeing these people on a regular basis, so I push my selfish thoughts aside and focus on my friends around me.

            Twenty minutes later I’m eating cake on an uncomfortable prop couch next to Elliot. He joined the cast a few years before me, but we bonded instantly over our similar “newcomer” status’.

            “Looking forward to a year off?” Elliot asks me.

            “Not really.” No one knows about my little secret project. I plan to keep it that way until its release. “I suppose I could use a break though. I’ve been working non-stop for . . . four years.”

            “You’ve been acting for four years but you’ve got the talent someone whose been doing it for decades would kill for. Don’t let this whole situation bring you down.”

            I can’t decide which situation Elliot means. My legal situation or my Jacob situation. Either way, I’m not going to let either mess with my career. It’s all I have left.

            I look over at Elliot and smile. I can’t help but feel thankful for his friendship through my time on this show. “You can do better than this show, you know.”

            “Everyone thinks they can always do better, but not many actually can. You, for instance, can go from this washed up sci-fi show to an Academy Award nominated film in a heartbeat.”

            My face flames again, but only I can tell. “I’ve only been in one of those. You make me sound a lot better than I actually am.”

            “You’re a special one, Bella Swan. Don’t doubt it.”

 

~H.K.~

 

            I look around my small trailer and know I am probably forgetting something. No matter how far in advance I start packing up my stuff, I always end up leaving something behind whenever I move or finish a project. Always.

            I sit on the floor in the middle of the small space and look around. This area is so full of what used to be happy memories. Then my world crashed around me and they all turned to gut wrenching flashes that would leave me broken. But now . . . they don’t really affect me.

            I don’t care anymore.

            I don’t care about Jacob and his lies. I don’t care about everyone who betrayed me in the process. Holding on to those feelings will only hold me back. I’m going to put all of that emotion into _Welcome to the Badlands_ and make something wonderful out of the shit storm that was once my life.

 

~H.K.~

 

            _Four months_. We cut everything close, but within four months we filmed and produced something I’m unbelievably proud of. I watched the finished version just a week ago before we sent the final edit to Netflix. _That’s right, a Netflix exclusive release!_

            Sending a movie to theaters across the world is . . . ungodly expensive. Even I couldn’t swing that, but we managed to sign a deal with Netflix and everything fell into place. Tonight _Welcome to the Badlands_ will premiere at midnight, and I could not be more nervous.

            I pull my oversized sweater on and drape a few necklaces over my chest. I don’t have anything too extravagant planned, mostly because there are only a handful of people who even know what is about to happen.

            I’ve kept everything about this project a secret from anyone who wasn’t absolutely necessary. At last count, I think we had around 2,000 nondisclosure agreements signed from all of the cast, crew, and other project managers and such. Thankfully, we’ve had no problem with anything leaking to the public.

            Tonight I’m having a little party with some of my closest friends for the release. A few of them know of a secret project I’ve been working on, but no one knows the specifics.

            I join Kate downstairs in my Los Angeles home. We actually filmed a lot of the movie in my actual homes, both here and my apartment in New York. Major cost saver.

            Kate has transformed my living room into a comfortable movie room with just enough seating for everyone coming tonight. I went back and forth on even having this party. Wasn’t it conceited to invite a bunch of people over and ask them to watch my face for two hours? But Kate convinced me that they were my friends and would want to support me on this.

            “Are you sure – “

            Kate doesn’t even look up from arranging the food on the kitchen island. “Yes.”

            “You don’t even know what I was going to say.” I counter.

            “Are you sure this was a good idea? Are you sure people are going to like it?” Kate does in what I hope is a terrible imitation of my voice. “Whatever it was, I’m sure you’re wrong. _Badlands_ is fucking amazing. Everyone is constantly badgering you for information on your life, and this is your way of giving it to them on your terms. It’s creative and beautiful and going to help so many people who are going through similar situations. Stop worrying.”

            I hoist myself up on the kitchen counter and send a glare to Kate. I hate it when she’s practical.

            Half an hour later everyone is here and thankfully excited about the surprise project I have to show them.

            “How did you even pull this off?” Alison asks me. She’s one of the ones who helped me with the album in the first place, but she didn’t know I took it an extra step.

            I breath out a shaky breath, unsure how I actually did manage to pull it off. “I honestly don’t even know. Everyone knew I couldn’t do much this year so I guess they just decided to forget about me for a while. We didn’t run into a single pap while filming, it was unreal.”

            “Three minutes!” Selena shouts.

            I pull out my phone, ready to post what I need to when the time comes. Social media is a pain in my ass, but pretty damn effective. I have 60 million people following me on Twitter that care about what I have to say for some reason. I don’t post on it much, but we’ve all sent a drunk tweet we regret, right?

           

**Welcome to the Badlands. I hope you enjoy your stay.**

 

            I type out my cryptic message and attach the link that will go live right about . . . now.

_Here we go._

 

**A/N: Okay, a few things if anyone is confused: 1. The album that this lovely Bella has ‘written’ in my mind is _Badlands_ by Halsey (wonderful album if you haven’t heard it before). But, the lyrics at the beginning of each chapter are from her sophomore album, _Hopeless Fountain Kingdom_. Just a little something to keep in mind. 2. Just because I used Halsey’s music, I don’t necessarily see Bella as Halsey if that makes sense. 3.  If you don’t like the music I base the story off of, that really has now bearing on the actual plot, so I hope you continue reading! I just thought giving you all an idea on the music might help you enjoy the story a little more. 4. We meet Edward next time!**


	2. Alone

_I know you’re dying to meet me, but I can just tell you this. Baby, as soon as you meet me you’ll wish that you never did ~ Halsey, **Alone**_

~H.K.~

            “Why are we doing this again?” I ask Kate as I sit in a makeshift makeup chair in my hotel room. I’m tired, my throat is killing me, and all I want to do is crawl in bed for the next twenty-two hours until I have to be up for the show tomorrow night.

            We had originally planned a small tour following the success of _Badlands_. Maybe twenty shows across the US in some tiny venues that held a few thousand people. The demand for tickets was massive. No one expected it, but someone somehow convinced me that I could put together a whole arena show within a month and embark on a 50 show tour for the rest of my year off. We’ve only done a few shows so far, but I’m already exhausted.

            Now, Kate has me going to some event in Chicago before I play two shows at the Allstate Arena. Technically my manager Heidi made the arrangements, but Kate is the one making sure I follow through.

            “It’s a benefit for the Chicago Police Department. You’ve always supported men and women in uniform, and they invited you as their guest of honor because of your shows. You don’t have to stay long, just eat the food they put in front of you, smile, and I’ll have you out of there by ten.”

            I want to fight Kate on this but I know it’s useless. Everyone is already expecting me to be there, so I lean back and let my eyes close while Chrissy, my makeup artist, finishes making me look presentable.

            “So, what kind of event is this?” I ask Kate as we stand in front of a rack of dresses probably worth more than this hotel. I stopped looking at the price tags on them a long time ago. The moment I knew how much something was I immediately managed to ruin it from trying to be too careful with it.

            “Very black tie. They go all out for this benefit each year, or so I’m told.” I don’t know why they want me there if it is so important. It doesn’t seem like my kind of event, but I’m too tired to argue about it right now.

            I shift through the rack of dresses. They are all gorgeous, of course, but the only one that really sparks my interest is a pale peach number. It hangs off of one shoulder and is mostly made of a sheer mesh with lines of sequins and sparkles. I don’t want to think about how much each of those ‘sparkles’ costs, but the dress is beautiful with a long slit up the right side, ending halfway up my thigh.

            “Can we do a black belt and shoe though?” I ask the stylist who brought the dresses over. She’s not my usual stylist for events like this, but she’s been very kind and professional so far.

            “Of course!” She agrees and brings me over the exact belt that came with the dress in black. I hate monochromatic looks. They’re entirely too boring for me.

            Once I have the death traps that some call shoes on my feet, I stop for a moment to look at myself in the full-length mirror on the back of the door. Some days I can’t even recognize myself from just a few years ago. I don’t think my life was ever supposed to turn out like this. If you ask my mother, I should have stopped acting after the _Tainted_ trilogy ended, gone to college, and become a teacher or lawyer. Something respectable.

            Mom doesn’t understand though, most people don’t. I had been depressed since middle school. I had no friends and was too shy to try and make any. For years, until I started acting, I was just skating by waiting for . . . something. Anything to make me feel like I belonged.

            Then I bumped into a director while on vacation in California and I had that moment. I clicked. Ever since then acting has been what gets me through the days when I feel like my world is falling apart.

            It is not the healthiest way of coping if you ask my therapist, but I get by just fine. Most of the time.

            I shake all of the serious thoughts out of my head and put on my best smile. Maybe tonight won’t be so bad after all. I’ll get a plate of some fancy food, a few drinks, and then head back here to the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in.

            “Kate, remind me to find out what kind of mattress that is and buy twenty of them, okay?” I ask, only kind of kidding. I definitely did want at least one of those mattresses.

            The ride to the event is short and uneventful. I think we’re going to the ballroom of another hotel, but I’m not completely sure. I stopped asking for details like that a long time ago. Kate gets me where I need to go.

            I am upset that Kate won’t be with me at the actual event though. I’m going completely solo tonight. I haven’t had to do that in . . . years.

            Our car pulls into an underground garage, and I’m thankful I don’t have to deal with a red carpet tonight. I can sneak in and sneak out hopefully.

            A man, obviously a hotel employee, opens my door for me. “Ms. Swan, it is a pleasure to have you with us this evening.” 

            “Thank you,” I search for a name tag, and see one pinned neatly to his lapel. “Evan.”

            “I will be escorting you inside this evening. If there is anything you need, please don’t hesitate to find me. Your assistant is welcome to wait in our lobby, or enjoy a meal in our five-star restaurant, on us of course.”

            Apparently, this was a completely full event. I was a last-minute addition and they just barely squeezed me in. I guess there are strict rules about the number of people allowed to attend events in this place.

            “I’ll be in the restaurant, okay? Call me if you need me.”

            I double check my small black clutch and see my phone nestled inside. “I will.”

            Evan leads me through the surprisingly empty hotel lobby. I suppose everyone is already inside. When we enter the ballroom, I’m relieved to see most everyone is focused on themselves and their acquaintances.

            “I apologize, Ms. Swan. The only table with an open seat was with the Cullen’s.” I don’t miss Evan’s grimace at the name. I wonder what they did to him to make him so upset.

            “That’s alright. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

            “I’ll be near the door if you have any issues.” Evan says as we approach a mostly empty table near the center of the room. “Enjoy your evening, Ms. Swan.”

            I sit, careful to be mindful of my dress, and take a large gulp of water from the glass in front of me. I hate formal events, especially ones where I know absolutely no one.

            “Just what this place needs, a spoiled brat who thinks a police banquet is the place to make connections.”

            “You don’t even know who it is, Eddie. What has your panties in a twist?”

            Two men have approached the table and my God, if I wasn’t already sitting down I would have fallen over. They’re stunning.

            I’ve met quite a few men who have made lists for their beauty, but nothing could compare to these two. Specifically the brunette. Or is his hair red? Maybe a mixture. Whatever it is I want to run my hands through it.

            I shake my head to clear the inappropriate thoughts and remember what they were just talking about. Me.

            “What’s the point of having an actress here anyway?” The maybe-brunette-possibly-redhead absentmindedly takes the seat next to me and continues on his rant. “They’re all –“

            “They’re the worst, aren’t they? All airheads who can’t form complete sentences that aren’t about themselves.” I finish for him, smirking at the two men now sitting at my table.

            The man next to me, who I can now see does, in fact, have an odd rust color to his hair, looks at me for the first time. He was beautiful in the distance, but seeing him right in front of me is different. He is stunning, yes, but there is also an edge that I can’t quite describe. His eyes are harsh, but a beautiful mossy green that is too welcoming. His jaw could cut glass, but the way I can see it clench as he looks at me makes me feel a twinge of fear on the back of my neck. It doesn’t stop me from fantasizing about licking it, though.

            The other man, the one with curly brown hair, smiles at me and I know he knows who I am, but I’m hoping he’ll let me have my fun with his friend.

            “This lovely woman agrees with me, Emmett, so I must be right.” All of the intimidating features melt from his face and he gives me a smile that nearly takes my breath away. _Is he flirting with me?_

            I vaguely register another couple sitting down across from us and ‘Eddie’ continues on a long rant about how actors are useless and their profession is meaningless. I can’t take the smile off of my face.

            “Edward! You’re being rude!” A small woman from across the table scolds. Her spiky black hair shines with what I assume are real diamonds strategically placed, and her shiny purple dress gives her an almost iridescent glow. She points to something behind us, and Eddie, or Edward, and I turn to see a poster featuring myself being placed near the entrance to the ballroom. _Fantastic_.

            “Bella Swan, resident airhead. Nice to meet you.” I hold my hand out to Edward and he takes it in one of his strong hands. They’re nearly double the size of my own, but I revel in the warmth for a few seconds before I quickly tug my own hand out of his.

            “Edward, switch seats with me. I want to – “

            “No, Alice.”

            Oh, boy. He doesn’t sound happy. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to – “

            “You have nothing to apologize for. Please excuse my rudeness about you and your profession.” Edward tells me politely. I can’t read the look on his face. I think he is somewhere between anger and amusement. I hope he’s leaning toward the latter.

            Edward leans into me, his lips skimming my ear. “You’re beautiful.” My eyes are glued to his as he pulls away, but not another thing is said.

             Alice huffs, but stays in her seat across from me. “So, Bella, how did you end up here of all places?”

            I have to blink to break my connection with Edward and think for a moment about her question before I can respond. “I don’t really know actually. Well, that’s not true. I was at an event in Chicago about a year ago and things got hairy, and a few police officers really helped me out. Ever since then, I’ve made a few donations to them, just as a small thank you.”

            “Oh, how nice of you! Carlisle and Edward make generous donations to the force as well. That’s what got us this prime table in the middle of the room.” Alice and the man beside her share a look. One that tells me there is some inside joke in there. Strange. “This is my husband, Jasper.”

            “Nice to meet you,” I give him a small smile and nod. It’s too big of a table to reach for a handshake.

            “You as well. I’ve been forced to sit through every movie of yours with my wife.” He makes a face as he realizes the insult buried in his compliment. “Not that they’re not good. You’re a great – “

            I can’t help but laugh at his blunder. “It’s okay, somehow I don’t see you as the type to be into teen dystopian movies.”

            “There was one we saw not that long ago that was different. It was very moving actually . . .” Jasper looks to his wife for help on the title while Emmett begins to laugh at him.

            “Dude, how many chick flicks do you watch?”

            “I would hardly consider _Welcome to the Badlands_ a chick flick, Emmett! It was really emotional, seeing what some people go through. It was an amazing film, Bella,” Alice tells me sincerely.

            “Well, thank you. I’m very proud of it,” I tell her honestly.

            “Welcome to the Badlands?” Edward asks, looking at me.

            “Oh, um, my last project. It was kind of a movie about my life, leading up to now.”

            Alice continues to talk, and I try my best to pay attention to her, but Edward leans in to my ear once again. “I want to lick every one of those tattoos.”

            Fuck. Me.

            I instinctively grab my right arm, my fingers tracing over the various spots of black ink covering my arm. I have various tattoos along both of my arms, not full sleeves by a long shot, but lyrics and such that are meaningful to me. The fantasy of Edward’s tongue tracing them makes my entire body erupt in chills.

            “I actually tried to get tickets to see you this weekend! We were out of the country when they went on sale, and by the time we got back they were all sold out. I’ve heard amazing things about the show, though.” Alice continues, not aware, or not caring, about her brother’s dirty words in my ear.

            “What show?” Edward asks from beside me, the image of calm and cool, the complete opposite of me.

            “Oh, she based the movie off of an album she wrote. Or was the album on the movie? It’s so original! Now she’s on tour, right Bella?”

            “You seem to know more about me than I do,” I mumble. That’s one of my least favorite things about my life. I never get to meet anyone new. They all already know me, or know who they think I am.

            “So, are you an actress or a musician?” Edward asks, an incredulous look on his beautiful face.

            I brace myself to face him again, but Alice beats me to the answer again. “She can’t act in anything for a year because she jumped off the sinking ship that was the _Clash_ series. No offense Bella, but those movies . . . bleh.”

            “Oh, they’re fucking horrible,” I let out. Next to me, Edward nearly chokes on his water. I can’t hide the little smirk that crosses my face, or the small sense of pride at being able to get a reaction out of him. Everyone else at the table chuckles as well.

            I may not be good at dirty talk like Edward seems to be, but I sure as hell can curse up a storm. A side effect from spending eighty percent of my time on sets around grumpy men who curse like sailors is that I’ve become just as bad on the vocabulary front.

            I might have a newfound appreciation for my vulgar habits if it has an effect on Edward.  

            “If you want, I can set aside some tickets for the show tomorrow night for you?”

            Alice’s face lights up in a bright smile, and I can’t help but return it. Her energy is infectious. “Oh, this will be so much fun!”

“What is going to be fun?” A man approaches the table with two more women. One is obviously his wife, he has his arm wrapped securely around her waist, and the other crosses the table to sit next to Emmett.

“We’re going to Bella’s show tomorrow night!” Alice tells her friend. I give her a pleasant smile, but I’m met with a cold glare.

            “She hates it when she’s not the most beautiful woman in the room,” a velvet voice whispers in my ear and I nearly come undone.

            I make no response. All I can do is clear my throat and take a sip of my water. I can see a smug smirk on his face out of the corner of my eye. The bastard knows what he’s doing to me.

            I pull a napkin out from under my drink and manage to find a pen in my clutch. “Just give me your full name and a phone number and they’ll be waiting for you at the arena. How many tickets do you need?”

            “Is five okay?” I nod and Alice gives me her information. I stash the napkin in my clutch for safekeeping.

            “You’ve made quick friends with Alice, I see.” The woman next to me says quietly as Alice tells the other woman, Rosalie, about our conversation.

            “Oh, she’s been very kind to me.”

            “I – oh, Edward, really?” She asks after she hears Alice mention Edward’s insults.

            “Oh, it’s fine, really. It’s actually nice to have someone not already know who I am.”

            “You don’t find it insulting?” The woman next to me asks.

            “Oh, God no. How egotistical would I have to be to assume every person in this room would know who I am just because I’ve been in a couple of movies?”

            She gives me a heartwarming smile and puts a hand lightly over my own on the table. “I’m Esme, dear. I’m Edward’s, Emmett’s, and Alice’s mother. This is Carlisle, my husband. Jasper is Alice’s husband of course, and Emmett and Rosalie are engaged.”

            “Well, it is nice to meet all of you,” I say once again, and give the whole table an embarrassing wave.

            “Eddie! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” A blond woman approaches the table and I can almost feel everyone begin to tense up at her approach.

            “Irina,” Edward greets the girl, but doesn’t even look toward her. His eyes are on me. Burning through me.

            “Come dance with me,” Irina purrs at Edward. Her body language leads little to be desired. It’s obvious what kind of dance she wants to do with him. It makes an irrational flash of jealously go through my body.

            “No.”

            “Oh, come on, Eddie.” She grabs his arm and tries to pull him with her, but he turns on her. Edward wraps his hand around her tiny wrist and pulls her into him. He whispers something to her and her face pales, but not in a good way. I have no doubt that the words he is whispering to her are nothing like the ones he has been telling me.

            Irina doesn’t say another word. She leaves the table with her tail between her legs, figuratively.

            I let my curiosity get the best of me. “Ex-girlfriend?”

            Edward clears his throat. He almost looks a little ashamed. “Unfortunately.”

            I reach for my glass of water and give Edward my best imitation of his cocky smirk. “I was thinking you had better taste than that.”

            The smirk I get in return is nearly blinding. _What am I doing?_

            As nice as my night has turned out to be, I can’t forget what waits for me outside of this ballroom: press, fans, and a brutal schedule. All things I could never ask someone to put up with. Real life floods my mind and washes away any fun I thought I could have with the man sitting next to me.

            I feel my phone vibrate in my clutch so I take a moment to check it, and hopefully get my mind off of Edward.

            _Are you okay?_ Kate.

            _Fine. How much longer do I have to sit here?_

            It only takes a few seconds for her to type out a response. _They should be serving your meal any minute. Once you’re done we can sneak you out._

            As if on cue, a plate of food is placed in front of me. I don’t know what it is, some five-star meal that costs a fortune probably. I am more of a meat and potatoes kind of girl, but I’ve gotten good at faking my enjoyment of this kind of food.

            “I want to –“

            I pull away from Edward before he can dazzle me with more erotic words. I don’t have the nerve to look at him, all I can do is whisper, “Please stop.”

            Conversation flows through the table, and I’m thankful Alice seems to have backed off of her questions. She talks with Rosalie about what she is going to wear tomorrow night. Rosalie, despite her cold greeting to me, seems excited about the show as well.  Emmett teases Jasper more about his ‘chick flick’ knowledge, and Carlisle and Esme look at their family with content smiles of their faces. Edward is silent next to me.

            They have a lovely family. I don’t know why Evan seemed like it would be a hardship for me to sit with them or why I’ve seen nearly every officer in here glare toward them. But for my last five minutes at the table, I let myself drift off into a fantasy where Edward is more than just a man I know for tonight, and this family is more than a group who I get into a show.

            I let my fantasy die and carefully place my napkin on my plate. I’m about to stand when a warm hand grabs mine in a tight hold.

            Edward looks at me, his green eyes dancing with excitement. “Dance with me?”

            “Oh, I should really get going.” I mumble. I manage to get to my feet, but Edward follows me. I don’t have a chance against him as he grabs my waist and pulls my body flush against his. “I really don’t dance.”

            “It’s all in the leading.”

            “Edward, I – “ I want to fight it, I really do, but our bodies fit together perfectly. We’re nearly eye to eye, but if I were to lose the heels he would be a good six inches taller than me. My head would rest comfortably on his chest, and fit neatly under his chin.

            Edward leans down so his lips are at my ear as we sway to the soft music. “You feel it. I know you do.”

            “Look, you don’t want me. It’s just a fantasy – “

            “I’ve never had a fantasy about you. Well, not yet.”

            I don’t know whether to roll my eyes or swoon. “You don’t want me.” I admit.

            “How do you know what I want?”

            “Because I know me.” I whisper.

            Edward looks at me with eyes that go from sad to determined. “But _I_ don’t know you. I don’t know how old you are or where you grew up. I don’t know what kind of music you like or make. What I do know is you’re beautiful and witty. My sister loves you and you went out of your way to make her happy even though you’re miserable.”

            I freeze. I don’t like where this is going. I drop Edward’s hands and back away from him, ignoring his hurt expression. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I seethe. I hurry away before he can stop me.

            Kate is already waiting for me in the lobby. She doesn’t ask any questions. We get in the waiting car and head back to the hotel without another word.


	3. Bad At Love

_I believe that we’re meant to be, but jealousy (jealousy, jealousy jealousy) get the best of me. Look, I don’t mean to frustrate but I, always make the same mistakes, yeah. Always make the same mistakes ‘cause I’m bad at love. ~ Halsey, **Bad At Love**_

~H.K.~

 

I only manage to get some sleep after I pop a sleeping pill. I don’t do it often, but sometimes I just can’t get my mind to turn off. If I didn’t know I was going to have a long day tomorrow I would’ve just suffered through the day exhausted, but I couldn’t really do that. Not when I have the schedule I do.

            I get to the arena at eleven the next morning. I’ve been on this tour a little over a week, but every day feels like the first. I always have butterflies in my stomach the whole day before a show, but as soon as I start to hear people piling into their seats, the nerves turn into energy. There is something so magical about those thousands of people all coming together because of music I made.

            I hope it’s never something I get used to.

            I head out to the main stage at eleven thirty for an hour of sound check. There are just a few things that need to be tweaked, so the process is pretty easy.

The next three hours are spent in my dressing room signing albums that will be sent to the merch stands, and headshots that will be handed out at the pre-show meet and greet. I manage to squeeze in a light lunch somewhere in that process.

By four Chrissy has given me what she calls my “pre-show glam,” simple, easy makeup for my meet and greet with fans that have won passes, and a few radio interviews.

Before I started acting, the thought of meeting a hundred new people within less than two hours would have given me a panic attack. I used to never know what to say to people, and I was too shy to really start a conversation on my own. But, when I’m meeting fans all of those old insecurities disappear. These are the people that made me, they’re the ones that believe in me when I don’t have the strength to believe in myself. I would do anything for them.

Of course, I know fans can be fickle, but I like to believe most of the ones that go through the trouble to try and win these kinds of things are in it for the long haul. But maybe I just tell myself that to help me get through the day.

Interviews also used to make me semi-nervous. But once you live through a high-profile awards season they become pretty natural. I’d never talked about myself so much as I did in the months leading up to the award season where I won nearly everything you can win. Thinking about it now still doesn’t seem real though.

I’ve come to realize that the radio interviews on tour are basically identical. Everyone asks about the show, how it feels to be on tour, what the best and worst parts about being on the road are, things like that. I’ve got pretty standard answers for them all, and Kate is there to halt any random questions about off limit topics.

My only big off limit topic is my romantic life, or lack thereof.

Despite it being one of the only things I don’t talk about in the public, that seems to be the only thing they _want_ to talk about. I’m pretty sure the mystery behind who _Badlands_ is about is half of the reason people like it at all.

Once all of my radio interviews are done I spend what is left of the afternoon doing some vocal exercises, eating a light dinner, and stretching. Rule number one when on tour: always stretch.

Even though my show isn’t as choreographed as many big shows out there, I’m still moving for two hours straight. Not stretching before that would make for a brutal day after.

Three minutes before show time and I’ve got my in-ears tucked safely in my ears and my bright blue mic clutched in my hand. I know the second the lights go out because of the roar of screams that sound throughout the arena.

For the first time today, I have the time to wonder if Alice is in the audience. I don’t have the heart to hope Edward came with her.

 

~H.K.~

 

Kate thrusts a bottle of water and a towel at me the second I step off stage. I immediately chug the whole thing. My body is jittery and my heart is pounding and I can’t wipe the grin off of my face.

I think I’m finally getting the hang of this whole tour thing and it is pretty fucking amazing. Seeing all of those people out there singing words I wrote back to me is . . . unforgettable.

“You have thirty minutes before you have to be ready for the post-show meet and greet. I went ahead and added that group you invited to the list –“

“You what?” I truly enjoyed the Cullen’s company, but I also didn’t make the cleanest getaway from the event. I know Alice won’t hold back when asking me why I left so quickly.

“You told me this morning was that you needed ten tickets set aside for this girl you met last night. I figured you’d want to see her again if she made that big of an impression on you.”

Kate and I enter my dressing room and she plops down on the large sofa. I do a few quick stretches to cool my muscles down, and finish another bottle of water.

I can’t keep it to myself any longer. “There was a guy.”

Kate lets out a gasp that would have been too dramatic had I said I was dying, let alone if I just mentioned a guy. “There was a guy?”

I nod. “There was a guy.”

“Is he dating this Alice girl? Is that why you invited her? Scandalous.”

“No, she’s his sister. I was sitting with their whole family. But this guy . . . he was gorgeous. And whispered dirty things to me all night but somehow made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the room.” I sigh, realizing how big of an impact Edward had on me. I’m already too attached.

“What kind of dirty things?” Kate whispers comically.

“That’s not the important part. The important thing is I already like him a bit too much. But I’ll probably never see him again. He didn’t even know who I was, I doubt he’d want to spend his Saturday night here after I ran out on him.” I’m talking mostly to myself at this point, just trying to convince myself that Edward isn’t wandering the halls of this arena as we speak.

“Bella! You ran away from him? He sounds –“

“There was something off about him though. Like he was too calculated in everything he did, except for the slew of insults.”

“Hold up, he insulted you? What did he say?”

I can’t stop a small smile from forming on my face as I remember the beginning of the night. “He didn’t know who I was. Apparently, he finds acting to be a useless profession.”

“What’s his name?”

I give Kate my best ‘don’t meddle in my life’ glare.

“Just so I can check the list and see if he’s on it.”

“Edward Cullen.”

Kate leaves the room and I quickly change into a pair of black skinny jeans and a black and white plaid flannel. I’m just finishing rolling up the sleeves when Kate walks back in.

“He’s not on the list. Alice Cullen is with a hand full of others with her, but no Edward.”

I sit down to pull on a pair of plain black boots and try not to let the crushing disappointment show on my face. I close my eyes, count to five, and push away the emotions. I stretch out my neck and plaster on the best smile I can manage. “Okay, let’s go.”

The post-show meet and greet is my favorite. Most of the people chosen for it didn’t know until they were found during the show. Sometimes I find people online, and sometimes I just send Kate out to find random people. I hate the idea of people paying to meet me. I know nearly every other artist charges for meet and greets and I just don’t understand it.

These are the people that gave me a career. They already spent money to come to the show, why would I want to gouge them for all they’re worth?

We have a fun little room set up in every venue for the meet and greet. There are snacks and props from the movie that they can take pictures with. So far, everyone has seemed to love it.

There is a group cheer when they see me enter the room. A girl, maybe about fourteen years old, immediately runs up to me and wraps me in a hug. I laugh and wrap my arms just as tightly around her.

“Hey, guys!” I shout over the noise. I spend about ten minutes with each group, talking and taking as many pictures as they want. Everyone in here proves to be a good distraction from thinking about Edward. That is, until I hear Emmett’s booming laugh from behind me.

“Hollywood! Good to see ya again!”

It is rude of me, but my eyes are locked on the glorious green ones staring at me and I ignore Emmett completely. _He’s here_.

Alice prances over to me and wraps her arm around me in a tight hug. “Bella, the show was _so_ good.” Then she dips her voice low enough so only I can hear her. “He’s been asking about you all day.”

I pull away from her and frown. _Who’s been asking about me?_

I can’t let myself hope it is Edward.

“I’m glad you guys enjoyed it. I’m still getting used to this whole performing live thing,” I chuckle. I start to fiddle with my nails, a nervous habit I’ve had ever since I can remember _. Manicurists hate me_. My eyes scan over everyone with her. I recognize Jasper, of course, as well as Rosalie and Emmett. Then my eyes land on him.

“You were stunning.” Edward says, clear as day. I look up at him and the whole room around me disappears. I don’t understand how anyone can have such a profound effect on me when I hardly even know them.

“T-thank you.”

“Picture time!” Kate announces and I roll my eyes. Photographer is not part of her job description, just part of her meddling ways. She grabs Alice’s phone, and I give her the most menacing glare I can manage.

We all crowd together, and I notice Edward makes sure to be standing right next to me on my left side, Alice to my right. The rest of the group divides themselves up around us.

I think I smile, I hope I did, because the second before Kate takes the picture Edward’s hand squeezes my side and I have to fight the urge to let my eyes roll into the back of my head _. Why does every little touch feel like fire?_

“Thank you, guys, for coming,” I say sincerely. I give each of them a hug; Emmett lifts me off the ground and spins me around, Rosalie tolerates me touching her for about five seconds, Jasper gives me a calm embrace, Alice nearly chokes me, and Edward’s arms feel like home. “Talk to the woman who took the picture.” I whisper to him.

I skitter off towards the next group before he can say anything else.

A few moments later I catch Kate’s eyes from across the room and notice Edward standing next to her. I give her a nod and they disappear out the door.

I try to stay present throughout the rest of the meet and greet, but it is hard knowing Edward is in my dressing room waiting for me. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know I can’t let that hug be the last time I saw him.

Kate pulls me out of the meet and greet a little while later after I’m done talking with the last group. “Is he – “

“In your dressing room. We need to leave in half an hour though, so pack up as you talk.”

The door to my dressing room is closed and my hand freezes over the doorknob.

“Go. He seems great, Bella. Don’t let your mind get in the way of something that could be amazing.” With that, Kate wanders off to give us some privacy.

I love that woman.

I take a deep breath and open the door before I lose my nerve. He’s standing there, in the middle of the room, flipping through a scrapbook of pictures a fan gave me earlier today.

Edward looks at me with a smile that has every inch of my body sweating. “You have very loyal people supporting you.”

I take the time to really look at him. He’s much more casual than he was last night in his fancy suit. Tonight, he’s got on dark jeans and a dark grey button up with the sleeves rolled up his arms.

“Oh, yeah, they’re amazing.”

Edward closes the book and sets it back on the pile of presents. He takes a few steps towards me, but I counter with equal steps away.

“Wait. I just – “ I fumble over my words, but I know I have to get this out before anything else happens. “I’m a mess. I work too much and I have nearly every moment of my life planned for me. I’m stalked by paparazzi and have people constantly talking about me, either to my face or online. I talk to a therapist twice a week because you were right, I am miserable. At least sometimes.

“I got royally fucked over by the last guy I was with. I’ve only dated . . . three guys so I have no clue what I’m doing when it comes to relationships. I don’t –“ warm, passionate lips crash against mine in a kiss unlike any other I’ve ever experienced. Edward’s lips are soft but aggressive as they move against mine in a battle of dominance. I let everything about him take over all of my senses, giving in to his whim and letting him win the battle this time.

Edward’s body presses against mine and eventually I’m sandwiched between him and the wall. He is forced to break the kiss so we can both catch our breath, but his lips never leave me. They trail down my chin and to my neck. His hands wander my body, wrapping around my waist, and sliding between my shirt to feel a sliver of skin on my back.

“I . . .“ Whatever I was going to say is lost when Edward grinds his hips into mine and I can feel a very prominent bulge against my thigh.

Edward’s lips are about to cover mine again, but I have just enough will power to turn my head away. “I have to be out of here in ten minutes.”

Edward doesn’t make any effort to move away from me. He hums under his breath and skims his nose along my jaw. “You’re staying at The Five, correct?”

My body freezes. “How do you know that?”

Edward chuckles at my defensive response, but I still don’t understand. “I own it.”

“Oh.”

“Stay with me tonight?” He asks, his lips focused on the tender spot where my neck and shoulder meet.

“But I –“

“I live in the penthouse of The Five. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“I’m not sleeping with you.” I blurt out. “At least, not tonight.” I cringe at my constant word-vomit.

I think I see his smirk falter slightly, but he still looks at me peacefully. “That’s okay. I would still like to spend some more time with you. You’ll be free to go back to your room whenever you’d like.”

My heart flutters in my chest and my voice comes out as barely more than a whisper. “Okay.”

I disentangle myself from Edward and look around the room at what I need to pack up. I’ll be here again tomorrow, so I don’t need to take everything with me. I grab my black leather tote bag and stuff my phone and computer into it.

“Are you ready?” Edward asks, holding a hand out for me to take. I can feel my face flame.

“Yes.”

A second before he opens the door there is a soft knock from the other side. Edward pulls it open, revealing an anxious looking Kate on the other side. She looks from Edward to me to our joined hands.

“Not a word.” I warn before she can say anything.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Bella will be staying with me tonight. She’ll be in the penthouse at The Five.” Edward lets go of my hand to pull out his wallet, and hands a card from it to Kate. “That’s all my information. Feel free to call if you need her.”

He doesn’t wait for Kate to respond. He slides us both past her and down the hallway. I look back behind me, expecting to see her following closely behind, but she’s still at the door, staring at us with a smile.

“I, um, can’t really just walk through the parking lot.”

“I know. That’s why I parked in the employee lot. Right next to one of your busses actually.”

“How?”

Edward gives me one of his patented cocky smirks that I’m growing to love. “I have quite a few connections in the city.”

“But how did you know you’d need to park down here? What if I had you blacklisted?”

“A man can dream, can’t he?”

It’s nearly midnight by the time we get to Edward’s car, so thankfully we don’t run into anyone. His car is black and sleek, and looks like it costs a fortune.

“Fancy,” I mumble. I have no knowledge about cars though, so I have no clue what it is.

“Only the very best for you,” Edward brings our joined hands to his mouth and places the softest of kisses to my knuckles. He opens the passenger door for me and helps me in. I tuck my tote back in the small area next to my feet. The car may be fancy, but it’s tiny as hell.

Edward places my hand on the gear shift, and then covers it with his. I don’t have time to protest, not that I would, because we’re immediately zooming out of the parking lot.

“Fuck!” I shout, not ready for the speed of the car.

Edward gives me a quick boyish smirk before he trains his eyes back on the road. “Marvelous, isn’t it?”

It takes me a few minutes to relax, but then I look out the window at the city around me. It’s late, but it is Saturday so there are still quite a few people wandering around. I’ve never been a partier, but I do feel a twinge of jealously at the people wandering the streets with their friends. The second I got anywhere I was surrounded by fans or people that just wanted to use me for their own gain.

Edward pulls the car swiftly into the underground parking garage connected to the hotel, and is out of the car to open my door before I can even reach for the handle myself.

I take his outstretched hand with a smile. “Thank you.”

            Edward leads us through the deserted parking lot and to an empty elevator. He pulls out a round key and sticks it into the button labeled P. _Penthouse_.

            Thankfully the elevator doesn’t stop to pick up any other passengers. I’m not sure if we’re just lucky, or if whenever someone presses the penthouse button they drop them off first before going for anyone else.  Whatever it is, I’m thankful for it.

            The elevator doors open directly into the center of Edward’s home.

            “Wow,” I’ve been in my fair share of luxurious homes and hotels, but this place takes my breath away. The entry is open and airy, the walls are painted grey-blue with white furniture scattered throughout the floor. The living room fades into a gorgeous kitchen with pristine appliances. Then there is a staircase to the left. The whole back wall is a window that gives us the most amazing view of the city around us.

            “This is beautiful,” I murmur as I begin to wander through the living room. I drop my bag on the coffee table in the middle of the room and gravitate toward the window.

            I lean my hands on a thin windowsill and look at the city below me. We’re too far up to see any details, but the blurry lights of cars speeding around below us and the sparkling skyscrapers around us are magnificent.

            “How long have you lived here?” I turn around to ask Edward and startle when he’s right behind me, barely a few inches between us.

            He shrugs. “A few years,” his hands trail along my left arm, tracing a few of the black markings on it. “Will you tell me about these?”

            “They’re mostly random song lyrics.”

            Edward’s hands trace the skin left visible from my shirt. I pull my arm out of his and reach for the bottom hem and begin to unbutton it slowly. His eyes never leave my hands.

            I drop the shirt to the floor and smirk at him. “I’m not that easy, Mr. Cullen,” I tug a little at the nude tank top covering my torso.

            I hold my left arm up and show him the line of text going up my forearm. _Hope is treacherous_. “I was seeing a friend of mine while she was on tour. This is one of my favorites by her. She wrote it up and we went to a local tattoo parlor that night.”

            I extend my right arm and show him the inscription right in the crease of my elbow. _Things change_. “This was my motto growing up. I was always scared of everything changing. I would have to repeat this to myself over and over to get through the day.”

            Next, I show him the inside of my right wrist, where a mini Oscar statue is imprinted. “I got this at about five in the morning the night I won an Academy Award. Those are the ones that mean the most to me.”

            I have a few other meaningful tattoos, but they’re not in places as easily accessible as my arms.

            Edward drops my hands and begins to unbutton his own shirt. His bare chest is revealed to me and I nearly start salivating at the sight of him. Lean muscles leading to rows of toned abs that end in a delicious v that disappears beneath his waistband.

            Edward turns around and reveals an intricate web of designs on his back. “It’s my family crest. The lion represents our strength, the hand our faithfulness to each other, and the trefoil is our perpetuity.”

            I tentatively trace each element of the tattoo as he describes it, admiring the intricate detail the artist put in. “It’s beautiful.”

            “It’s no Academy Award.”

            I chuckle, looking at the tiny little statue on my wrist. It’s small, so there really isn’t a lot of detail on it, but there sure as hell is on the actual one sitting in a cabinet at my house in Los Angeles. 

            Edward turns to face me again and I attack him. I crash my lips to his and dig my fingers into his soft skin, clinging to him with all my strength. He puts his hands under my thighs and easily lifts me into his arms, my legs wrapping around his waist.

            Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I realize that I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never felt this complete or at ease. Not with Jacob, not with anyone.

            It’s terrifying.

            Edward walks us over to the couch in the middle of the room and carefully sits down, making sure my legs don’t end up crushed under his weight. Our lips only part to catch quick bursts of oxygen before they meet again. Tongues meet and battle, but this is a battle that I’m happy to lose.

            My fingers find purchase in the hair at the nape of his neck. I give it a small tug, testing out the waters, and I’m rewarded with the most erotic moan I’ve ever heard. It makes my hips buck into his, and this time it is my turn to moan.

            “Sweetheart, you’re going to have to stop that if you don’t want to end up naked, writhing in my bed tonight.” Edward pulls away from my lips, both of us panting to catch our breath.

            I _do_ want to end up naked and squirming in his bed, but I know I shouldn’t. _Not yet._

             “Besides, I have a surprise for you.”

            My interest in piqued, and my mind sufficiently distracted from what we were just doing. “A surprise?”

            Edward stands, taking me with him, and places me gently on my feet. He tugs me over to the kitchen, and sitting on the table is a package of Oreos and a tub of creamy peanut butter, next to a vase full of red roses.

            “How did you know?” After every show so far, I’d splurged on five Oreos dipped in peanut butter. It was my favorite snack growing up, and is still one of my favorites.

            “You requested it be in your room when you got back tonight. Your favorite post-show snack?” Edward rips into the package and twists open the peanut butter. He gives me first pick out of the pack of cookies, and I happily take one and coat it in peanut butter before I answer him.

            “Me and my dad used to sneak these into the house. My mom hated junk food, still does, but my dad always tried to have something fun for me when I got home from school. Oreos and peanut butter were our favorites.” I chew up my cookie before I continue. “I usually have a lot of excess energy after shows, so I go back to my hotel, eat some cookies, and watch some cheesy late-night television.”

            “I’ve never had an Oreo with peanut butter,” Edward admits, looking at my second cookie covered in creamy goodness with a hint of disgust.

            “You’ve never . . . here, eat this!” I shove the cookie at his face, but he quickly dodges me.

            “No, no, those are all for you.”

            “Please, like I can eat a whole package of these. Eat one! It’ll change your life, I promise.”

            Edward looks from me to the cookies, then back at me again. He reluctantly reaches for a cookie and gets a small dollop of peanut butter on it. He takes a small bite, his face completely neutral.

            “Well?”

            “It’s better than I thought, I’ll give you that.”

            I smile up at him, and reach on my tip toes to give him a quick kiss. “Thank you.”

            “Of course.”

            “I don’t suppose there’s a shower I could use? I’m a little . . . grimy.”

            Edward nods. “Come with me.” He grabs my hand and leads me through the living room toward the stairs, grabbing my bag along the way.

            We enter the first room we come across upstairs. Edward’s bedroom is very masculine. Dark blue paint adorns the walls with a large bed in the center of the room fitted with a dark grey comforter that looks so soft I just want to melt into it.

            Edward sets my bag down on one of the bedside tables. He goes over to the dresser on the far wall and digs out some clothing, then comes back to me and leads me into the adjoining en suite.

            “Towels are in that cabinet, along with extra soaps if you need them. You can change into these if you’d like.“ He places some clothes on the counter and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

            The moment he’s gone I let out my breath in a sigh, and use the counter to hold myself up. _What am I doing?_

            I don’t go home with strange men. For one, it’s dangerous for me. I’ve had my fair share of death threats, everyone who is a public figure has. But if Edward and his family were at a police benefit, I suppose I don’t have to worry about him having any malicious motives like that.

            What I do have to worry about is the fact that I can’t seem to keep my hands off of him. I’ve never been this _needy_. Everything about him draws me in and makes me forget all reason.

            But I hardly know him. I don’t know how old he is or what he does for a living, despite the fact that it obviously pays well.

            I rinse myself off quickly in the shower. I don’t bother getting any new soap out of the cabinet, I stick with what Edward keeps in here. I make a mental note of the brand and scent, because his scent hits me as soon as I open the bottle and all of my worries wash away.

            In the back of my mind I know this could, and likely will, end badly for me. I’m already too attached.

            But I don’t care. I’ve spent the last four years having every second of my life planned for me. I think it’s time I start doing what I want to do for a change.

            I shut the shower off and wrap myself in the softest towel I’ve ever touched. As soon as I’m sufficiently dry, I pull on the clothes Edward got for me; black sweatpants that are about four sizes too big, and a soft grey Northwestern Business t-shirt. My hair falls in wet strands around my face, but I don’t care.

            I fold up my clothes and leave them in a neat pile on the floor in the bathroom. I take a deep breath before I open the door to the bedroom.

            Edward is lying on his bed clad in nothing but black boxer shorts. I stand in the doorway for a few moments, unable to form thoughts about anything other than his gorgeous body. His head turns toward me and I know I’ve been caught staring. “Thank you, um, for the clothes.”

            I scurry over to the bed, and sit cross legged on the soft linens facing Edward. “How old are you?” I ask.

            He gives me an odd look, but answers nonetheless. “I just turned twenty-six. You?”

            I frown, hoping my young age won’t turn him off. “I’ll be twenty-one in September.”

            “You’re only twenty?” Edward looks confused, though I don’t know why. I never said anything about my age to him before. “How old were you when you won this?” He grasps my wrist in his strong hands and traces the mini golden statue.

            “Nineteen.”

            “Well, shit.”

            “What?”

            “You, Ms. Swan, are far more impressive than I realized.” Edward leans forward, one hand winding around the base of my neck, and pulls me into him.

            This kiss is different. Softer. Sweeter.

            We spend the rest of the night learning about each other. Edward is a businessman, through and through. He graduated with a business degree from Northwestern and created E.C. Inc. He didn’t get into specifics of what his business did from day to day, but I didn’t mind. It would probably go right over my head anyway.

            He has a very tightknit Irish family. They go to Ireland every year for a massive St. Patrick’s Day celebration. The thought of Edward dressed in all green wandering the streets of Ireland makes me smile.

            His favorite color is blue and he asks me where he can download every movie I’ve ever been in. I blush, but tell him I can probably hook him up with some free copies.

            I tell him about my job, how I got into acting four years ago when I bumped into the director of the _Tainted_ series. With no experience, I was cast in one of the most sought after roles in Hollywood. I beam internally at the look of pride that swallows Edward’s face when I tell him that.

            He doesn’t give me any crap when I complain about the paparazzi or constant public scrutiny like most people do. _You’re rich and famous, get over it._ I get fed that line a lot, so I stopped talking about it a while ago.

            But Edward understands. He cares.

            It is nearing four in the morning when we’re cuddled under the sheets, Edward on his back and my head resting on his shoulder. I’m nearly asleep when I mumble, “This hasn’t been an elaborate plan to get me in your bed so you can kill me, right?”

            I feel the light chuckle go through Edward’s chest, and then his lips press lightly into my scalp.

            “No, I’ll never hurt you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have this story completed over on ffn, and I'm currently in the process of writing the sequel. You can find an up to date version over there, I'll be posting chapters once a day until I'm all caught up here.


	4. Heaven In Hiding

_When you start to feel the rush; a crimson headache, aching blush and you surrender to the touch, you’ll know. I can put on a show, I can put on a show. Don’t you see what you’re finding? This is heaven in hiding. ~ Halsey, **Heaven In Hiding**_

 

~H.K.~

 

            I ignore the constant buzzing coming from . . . somewhere because I don’t know if I’ve ever been more comfortable. This bed is like heaven, and I have constant warmth radiating from the body next to me. My eyes snap open at the realization that I’m not in my own bed.

Edward’s eyes slowly open and an early morning smile creeps along his face. “Good morning.”

“Um, good morning,” I relax a bit, but I’m still unsure how I’m supposed to act when in this kind of situation. So, instead of facing my issues head on, I look for the buzzing noise to make it shut up.

I realize it’s coming from my bag and quickly fish out my phone. _27 missed calls_.

“Fuck!” I shout when I realize it’s nearly twelve thirty in the afternoon. I throw myself out of bed, nearly falling flat on my face, and run to the bathroom to get my clothes from yesterday. I keep the Northwestern shirt on and quickly pull on my jeans while dialing Kate.

_“Where the fuck are you?”_

“I’m at the hotel. Send a car and I’ll be in the parking lot waiting for it.” I stumble out of the bathroom and shove the rest of my clothes into my bag. Edward is calmly pulling on a plain black t-shirt and a pair of distressed jeans.

“No need, I’ll take you.”

I look at him, mouth gaping, but unable to find any words.

“Bella, you need to be here now. I’m on my way –“

“I’ll be there in thirty minutes.,” I hang up the phone, but know that isn’t the end of the conversation with Kate.

“I’m really sorry about this, I didn’t think to set an alarm,” I shove my bag over my shoulder and hurry out the door and down the stairs.

“Hollywood! How the hell are ya?”

My eyes widen and I freeze, one foot hovering in the air over a step. _Oh, God_.

“H-hi,” I stutter. Below me in the living room is Emmett and Jasper, both relaxing on the couch where I nearly devoured Edward last night.

A warm hand wraps around my waist. Edward appears next to me and gently begins to lead me down the stairs. “Relax,” he whispers in my ear. He lingers next to me and his teeth tug at my earlobe.

Emmett laughs from below us.

“If you need to stay here, I can get a car –“

“No, I can take you. They were just leaving.”

“Edward, we have to take care of –“

“You can handle that without me. I’m taking the day off.”

Jasper chokes on air. “You? Taking the day off?”

“Yes. Me, taking the day off,” Edward mocks, striding past them into the kitchen. He opens the refrigerator and grabs a few things before turning back toward his brother and brother-in-law.

He walks back over to where I’ve frozen in the middle of the room, looking wide eyed between him and his family. Edward is a picture of calm though. His eyes are bright and he has an easy smile on his lips. He hands me a bottle of water and an apple.

“Let’s go,” Edward says as he takes my bag from my hands and leads me toward the elevator. Emmett and Jasper look at each other for a quick moment before rushing to catch the elevator we’re on before the doors close.

Edward’s voice is deadly when he looks over at his brother. “Not a word, Emmett.”

Emmett responds with a chuckle.

Being in the penthouse has the disadvantage of quite a long elevator ride to the underground garage. Jasper, thankfully, breaks the silence. “The show was really fun last night, Bella. You’re a great performer.”

“Oh, thank you. I hope Alice had a good time,” I really did like her. She knew about as much about me as I did, but I’ve been known to ‘fan-girl’ over celebrities myself.

“She did. She can hardly talk this morning.”

That makes me smile. “I’m glad she enjoyed herself.”

“Finally,” I mutter to myself as the door opens to reveal the parking garage. Edward tugs me over to his car, and puts my bag in the trunk this time. Once I’m situated in the car he takes a few moments to have a conversation with Emmett and Jasper.

“I’m sorry about them. They don’t have a grasp on the concept of boundaries just yet.”

“It’s fine. They seem great, your whole family does actually.”

Edward takes his time getting himself situated in the car. “Hmm. You probably haven’t spent enough time with them yet, then.”

Emmett and Jasper speed past us in a sleek black car, both enthusiastically waving as they drive by. The moment they’re out of sight Edward leans across the center of the car. The kiss he gives me is far too quick for my liking, but I know I have a clock ticking.

Edward says nothing as he sits back in his seat and gets on the road to the arena.

Reality sets in and I realize this could be the last time I see him. We had an amazing night, but we never set any rules or defined what this is. I don’t know what I want from him, but I know I don’t want this car ride to be our last moments together.

“You said you were taking the day off of work?” I ask him.

Edward hums his agreement and nods. He takes my left hand out of my lap, gives my knuckles a gentle kiss, and then places it underneath his on the gearshift.

“Would you want to, um, it’d probably be boring for you . . . but you could spend the day with me?”

Edward smiles, eyes still trained on the road. “I’d love to.”

“You don’t have to. I’m going to be busy most of it . . . It’s a lot of getting ready and meet and greets and –“

“You do what you have to do and I’ll be waiting for you when you’re done. Now, eat your apple.”

 

~H.K.~

 

Kate is pissed. The second we get to the arena she drags me away for sound check. Everything was fine the night before, so the whole process goes smoothly today. It was only one thirty by the time we were done, that gave me two and a half hours to get everything signed and have Chrissy do my makeup. That’s more than enough time, so I don’t understand why Kate is still in such a bad mood when I ask her to make sure Edward has a backstage pass.

I know I fucked up, and I’m not going to make a habit out of showing up late. Kate knows me better than to think that.  

The rest of the afternoon runs smoothly despite my late start. Edward is constantly in the background of whatever I’m doing. He sits with me while I sign the merchandise for the show, and he makes small talk with me while I get my makeup done. We don’t talk about anything important, but it makes me realize how alone I usually am during these times.

I can feel my heart constrict when I realize that I’m on a bus out of town at five tomorrow morning.

Edward watches over me during the meet and greet, much like a body guard would. His stance is tense and he glares at boys that attempt to flirt with me. It makes me smile.

By the time I’m done with the meet and greet Kate’s sour mood is gone. She apologizes to myself and Edward. I understand, of course. It was my fault; I shouldn’t have been late. I didn’t need her to make me feel any worse about it, though.

Chrissy is done with my makeup and I’m dressed in my show attire; black jeans and a loose fitting white tank top with a sparkly black bra underneath.

Kate leaves me and Edward alone for the thirty minutes before the show, but leaves me with strict instructions to keep doing my vocal warmups, which Edward finds endlessly amusing.

Edward pulls me to him, our bodies aligned perfectly. “Will you stay with me again tonight?”

I don’t have to think about my answer. “Yes.” But then I realize what tomorrow will bring. “I have to leave at five in the morning.”

Edward sighs. “I know.” He puts his hands on either side of my head and tilts it up so our eyes meet.

I have to resist the urge to kiss him, Chrissy would kill me if I messed up my makeup, but Edward seems content to just stare.

I usually hate it when people stare at me. It’s a side effect of my job, getting looked at constantly. But most of those people are looking for flaws they can exploit. Edward isn’t, though. I can tell. He’s looking simply because he likes what he sees. _Me_.

 “Are we supposed to have ‘the conversation?’” I ask him.

“The conversation?”

“You know, the ‘what are we’ conversation that I’ve heard so much about. Or was this just –“ Here I was assuming this might turn into something, but what if Edward never meant for it to?

There are three quick knocks on the door, followed by Kate screaming, “Five minutes, Bella!”

I disentangle myself from Edward and turn away. “You don’t have to stay if this was just a weekend thing.”

Edward reaches for my arm, but I quickly pull away from him. “Bella.”

“I have to go.”

“ _Bella_.”

I turn to him, ready to make my escape, but his eyes stop me. They’re wide and scared.

“I don’t want this to just be a weekend thing. Don’t run away from me just yet, okay?”

“Okay.”

 

~H.K.~

 

Knowing that Edward was out there by the sound booth made the show electric. A lot of people think crowds in the arena are just blobs of people, but I can actually make out people and recognize faces from the stage. Every time I looked in his direction and saw him smiling at me, it gave me a rush of energy. It was exhilarating.

We followed a similar routine as we had for the show last night. Edward was at the post-show meet and greet, and then met me back in my dressing room. I spoke with Kate for a few minutes alone before I went in with him. She set an alarm on my phone for four thirty tomorrow morning, and gave me explicit instructions to return to my room at exactly five. I felt like a teenager being scolded by my mother, but I kind of deserved it.

My heart races in my chest as I sit in Edward’s car. I stare at the shadows casted across his face from the city lights around us. _He’s beautiful_.

For what seems like the millionth time since I met him, I wonder what exactly I want from Edward. I want him, I know that, but I also know I can’t ask him to put up with my life.

I want to get to know him more.

I want to be someone he can confide in, as much as I already know I can confide in him.

God, I just want him.

I pull out my phone and scroll through my calendar. I have about three weeks of show after show, but when we get to Los Angeles I have some time off. I have a couple of talk shows scheduled, but those would just take up an afternoon or two.

“A trial period,” I blurt out. Edward just eyes me curiously. “I can’t ask you to put up with my life. But I want to. I’ve never . . . I just know I would regret it for the rest of my life if we didn’t try.

“I have three weeks of show after show, but I have a week in Los Angeles after that. I have a couple appearances and two shows, but other than that I’m free. If you can make it, you could visit?”

Edward pulls into the hotel parking lot, turns off the car, and turns toward me. “I’ll make it work.”

The question that has been nagging at me all day pops out of my mouth. “Why are you always so willing to drop everything for me?”

“Because there’s something special about you, Bella Swan. You’re talented and successful but don’t take anything for granted. You’re kind to everyone you meet, and spend nearly your whole day trying to make others happy. You’re the complete opposite of me and the people I surround myself with. You’re not the one who shouldn’t be asking me to put up with your life, it’s the other way around.”

I open my mouth to ask him what he means, but he distracts me with a quick but passionate kiss.

“We’re quite the pair, huh?” He whispers against my lips.

“So, we’re a pair?” I ask. Is he my boyfriend during this trial period? Or is boyfriend a kid term?

“If you’ll have me, yes.”

We walk hand in hand to the elevator, and I know I have one more thing to admit to him before we can really move forward.

“I’m not the best at the whole relationship thing,” I mumble as the doors close around us.

“I don’t know if anyone ever thinks they’re good at relationships.”

“Well, I’m exceptionally bad then.”

Edward doesn’t push for any more information like I expect him to. When we reach his penthouse he leads me inside, places my bag on the table, and sits on the couch.

I move to sit next to him, but he pulls me into his lap instead, my legs on either side of his hips and our faces level.

Then he starts his questioning. “Why do you think you’re so bad at relationships?”

So, I tell him. I tell him about falling head over heels for Jacob Black, and it makes me smile when I have to explain who he is to Edward. I tell him about how I thought I loved him and put everything I had into that relationship, and about how Jacob deemed me clingy and insecure because of it.

“Would it make you feel better if I told you I’ve never been in a long-term relationship?”

“What?”

Edward just shrugs. “I’m a busy man. I work 24/7 usually. Things come up and I have to travel suddenly and girlfriends don’t usually like that. I found it was easier to . . . find women as I needed them.”

“So, you’re saying you were a manwhore?”

“I do have quite a few ex’s, yes.”

“That’s just a polite way of saying manwhore.” I repeat, but let the conversation die. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one with past baggage.

The phone in Edward’s pocket starts vibrating before I can say anything else, so I stand up off of his lap so he can get it.

“It’s just my father. It can wait.”

“You dad is calling you at . . . one in the morning? Shouldn’t you get it? It could be important.”

Edward sighs, but answers the call. I wander into the kitchen to give him some privacy. A package of Oreo’s and a jar of peanut butter are waiting for me in the middle of the counter.

Snippets of Edward’s side of the conversation flow into the kitchen. _I can’t deal with that right now._ Pause. _Have Emmett do it._ Pause. _I’m not putting anyone in jeopardy._ Pause. The angrier he gets, the louder his voice becomes, and I’m surprised to notice a slight Irish accent begins to show itself. _Don’t you fucking dare –“_

Once the conversation is over Edward finds me in the kitchen. But the Edward I was talking to just a few minutes ago is nowhere to be found. This one is tense and angry, nothing like the sweet and calm man I was just with.

“Are you okay?”

Edward matches my stance across from me, elbows resting on the counter. He takes both of my hands in his. “I’m fine. I’m afraid I have to go out for a while, though.”

“Oh. I can just go back to my room.” I try to keep my disappointment out of my voice and off of my face, but I don’t think I do a very good job.

“No, stay here, please. I shouldn’t be more than an hour. Get some rest, and I’ll be back before you have to leave.”

It doesn’t take much to convince me. “Okay.”

Edward comes to stand beside me and pulls me to him, his lips colliding with mine. There is something new in this kiss, and edge we’ve never had before.

My arms wrap around his neck and his hands hoist me up on the counter. Edward’s hips thrust into mine, and I can do nothing to hold in the loud moan that was boiling inside me.

Edward pulls away from me with a groan. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Then he’s gone.

 

~H.K.~

 

Soft hands and even softer lips wake me up. I know I can’t have been asleep for more than an hour or so, but I don’t mind. Edward’s hands slide up my back and under the t-shirt I stole out of his closet.

My eyes open slowly and are met with bright green ones staring back at me.  “Hi.”

“I should let you sleep,” he says, but his hands have other ideas as they drift down to the loose boxer shorts on my hips.

“Sleep is overrated,” I say before I pull his mouth to mine. I hitch a leg over his hip and dig my fingers into the muscles along his back. His skin is slightly slick, and the hair falling against my forehead is wet, so he must have taken a shower when he got back.

Edward breaks away from my mouth to pant in my ear. “Just tell me if you want me to stop.”

Before I can really think about what his words mean, his warm hand slides underneath my shorts and feels the wetness that has gathered between my thighs. I pull him as close as I can, my lips eventually finding his again as two fingers finally enter me.

“Fuck,” I mutter, my hips matching every thrust of his fingers.

Edward pushes me on my back, fingers still thrusting, and caresses my cheek with his other hand. “You’re so goddamn beautiful.”

I don’t have time to think about the compliment, because his fingers curve at just the right angle and my entire body feels like it is bursting into flames.

“Come,” the simple command from Edward has every nerve in my body feeling like a live wire as I unravel. The waves of pleasure last twice as long as it took Edward to get me there. I don’t know if it’s the fact that no one has touched me in nearly a year, or the fact that it’s Edward touching me that makes me climax so fast. But I know I want more.

It takes me a few minutes to regain all of my senses, but as soon as I do I trail my hand down Edward’s pristine chest, toward the delicious bulge pressing into my thigh.

“No, tonight is about you,” Edward intertwines our fingers and brings our connected hands to his lips. He flattens our fingers against each other, and sucks them into his mouth one by one. It isn’t lost on me that the two magical fingers he used to pleasure me are on that hand.

I flip us over and settle myself over his lap. I suppress the moan that bubbles up in my throat when I can feel the entire length of him underneath me.

Then my alarm goes off.

Edward curses under his breath, and reaches over to quickly shut off the alarm. I ground my hips into his and he drops the phone on the floor.

“Bella – “ his voice fades away after another swivel of my hips.

 After a few more thrusts Edward groans and flips us over. The strength he uses to thrust his hips into mine makes my eyes roll into my head, imaging this whole situation with far less clothing on.

A few more powerful thrusts and both of us cry out in pleasure.

“I haven’t been reduced to dry-humping a girl since high-school,” Edward says a few minutes later, his breath starting to return to normal.

“I have to go,” I sigh, looking at the clock next to the bed. I have ten minutes to meet Kate at my room.

Edward heads to the bathroom to clean himself up while I pull on a pair of comfortable yoga pants and zip up a hoodie over Edward’s Northwestern t-shirt. I scan the room quickly to make sure I haven’t left anything behind, and long arms wrap around me from behind.

“I’ll see you in three weeks,” he whispers to me, and I hope it’s true. I hope the novelty of being with me doesn’t wear off the second I leave.

I pull my phone out of my bag and hand it to him. “Will you put your number in here?”

Edward shrugs. “I already did.” Before I can ask how he got around my password he slyly says, “I used your fingerprint while you were asleep.”

“How clever of you, Mr. Cullen.”

“I am known for my cleverness.”

I turn in his arms and give him a kiss that is so intense I hope he will think about for the next six weeks. The only thing that makes us break it is my phone vibrating in my hand between us. _Kate_.

At the elevator in his foyer Edward takes both of my hands in his and squeezes. “I’ll see you soon,” he says confidently.

“Soon,” I repeat as the doors close between us.

 

~H.K.~

 

God, I’m exhausted. I knew touring the country would be a challenge, but even spending six months filming war scenes for the final _Tainted_ movie didn’t leave me this drained.

Even though I knew I should be enjoying my time on the road and all of the fan experiences I am getting, the best part of everyday was Edward. He would call when he knew I was free, or text if he just wanted to say hello. We skyped a few times, but sometimes the internet connection in the arenas wasn’t the best and we would get disconnected.

A few days after I left I had a package sent to him; a box full of every project I had ever done. It wasn’t that big, just blu-rays of the _Tainted_ movies, and the few other films I had done. I knew he hadn’t seen any of them, he wasn’t really a TV or movie kind of guy, but I also knew he seemed very interested when I told him I could hook him up with some of my films.

After he would watch one I would get a call, usually around two in the morning, and Edward would ask me about everything. _What is it like filming the fight scenes with CGI characters? Did you really fall out of a tree, or was that a stunt double?_

It was after that first call, when he seemed genuinely worried that they made me fall out of a twenty -foot tree, that I realized I was quickly falling in love with Edward Cullen.

It didn’t matter I had known him less than a month. I knew that in a matter of time I would be completely head over heels in love with him. _I’m totally screwed_.

Today, two weeks since I left Chicago, I’m sitting in my dressing room, signing album booklets, when my phone beeps next to me.

_What are you doing?_

**Signing albums, you?**

_Thinking about you grinding your hot little body on my cock._

My eyes widen and I drop the phone on the table in front of me as if it was on fire. _Shit_. Did he want to sext? I don’t know how to sext. Even just thinking about it made me blush.

**You can’t just say things like that! You’re too old to be sexting anyway.**

That should get him to cool off.

_Fine, we’ll hold off on the sexting for now. I’ll teach you all of the dirty words you need to know next week._

**Fuck.**

_Yes, I intend to._

My head is spinning and I’m suddenly very uninterested in the work I have in front of me. I get another text, but I’m almost too scared to look at it.

_Good luck with the show tonight. Call me when you’re back at the hotel._

Despite Edward’s well wishes about the show, it is probably the worst one of the tour so far. My inears go out halfway through my set, and I can tell my voice is about to give out on me. They’re little issues at the time, but they throw me off for the rest of the show.

I’m in a horrible mood when I get back to my hotel. Not even the package of Oreo’s and tub of peanut butter that Edward has had sent to every hotel I have stayed in since I left Chicago can cheer me up.

I saw a doctor after the show and he told me my vocal cords were just tired. Well, that’s what he said after he used some medical term that was way over my head and I asked him to dumb it down for me. Tomorrow is a traveling day so he put me on strict vocal rest until the next show.

Instead of calling Edward, I send him a quick text.

_Shitty day. At hotel, but on vocal rest for the next day and a half._

It only takes a few moments before he responds.

**Take a shower, eat an Oreo, and log into Skype in thirty minutes.**

I roll my eyes, because skyping will be pointless seeing as I can’t talk, but I still follow his instructions. The shower does make me feel a little better.

I climb into my bed and log onto my laptop to open the skype page. I’m not surprised to see Edward is already online. Despite my crappy day, seeing his blurry face appear on the screen makes me smile.

I grab the pad of paper and pen I thought to bring with me to bed and scribble a greeting on it.

Edward is still at his office, I can tell by the window behind him. He gave me a virtual tour of his office about a week ago. It’s in a high-rise in the middle of the city and has the most spectacular views. He must have really been slacking on his work while I was in town, because ever since I’ve been gone it isn’t unusual for him to be at the office until one or two in the morning.

“What happened? Are you sick?” He asks, concern clear on his face, even on the small screen.

_Technical issues with the show, and then my voice started to give out on me. Dr. told me to rest and not talk until the next show. Had to cancel the meet and greet after the show, and the one before the show the day after tomorrow. All of those people had their hopes up and I just crushed them._

I hold my note up to the screen for a few seconds for Edward.

“That’s a lot of pressure on you. One fuck up during the day and you could ruin 17,000 peoples’ night. Everything you do on tour is for the people coming to see you. It’s got to be overwhelming to have their happiness depend on you.”

I frown, because most people _would_ blame me for getting sick and ruining their day.

_I can’t complain, though. My life is easy compared to what other people have to do._

“Your pain shouldn’t be pushed down because others have it worse than you, Bella. Your job may be different from most people’s, but I can assure you most don’t deal with the same amount of pressure as you put on yourself.”

I stare at his hazy green eyes and wish he were here, saying these words to me in person and not over an internet connection.

_I miss you._

Edward smiles. “I miss you, too. Just another week until we can start to build up your sexting skills.”

Only Edward could make me laugh after a day like today.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this one! There is some more lemony goodness in the next chapter (more so than what was in this one). Just a heads up, in case that isn’t your thing.


	5. Don't Play

_I’m moving on, I’m getting paid. I’m on my own, I had some space to deal with it. I’m moving on, it’s getting late. Go grab someone and find a place to deal with it. Yeah, don’t even try, can’t fuck up my vibe. Double cuppin’ in the ride, motherfucker don’t play with me. ~ Halsey, **Don’t Play**_

~H.K.~

 

I’m in one of my spare bedrooms, at my house in Los Angeles, surrounded by a couple of the best stylists in the city. I have two appearances coming up this week: The Late Late Show with James Cordon, and The Ellen Show. Both are friends of mine, so I’m not worried about them in the slightest.

My stylists, however, are very worried about what I should wear. _Should I be ultra glam, or more approachable? Edgy and sexy or professional?_ I resist the urge to roll my eyes because I would be fine if they put me in jeans and a t-shirt for these things.

The only thing getting me through this fitting is knowing that at this very moment Edward is on a plane headed this direction. In a few hours, he’ll be here with me and that is all that matters.

I’m over this trial run. I want him and I didn’t care about the consequences anymore.

I decide it’s time to put an end to this fitting. “I like the bright blue pencil skirt and black top for Ellen, and the beaded miniskirt with the black flowy top for Cordon. All done.”

They spend a few more minutes adding accessories and shoes to the outfits, and then we’re finally able to call it a day. Once they leave I look around my house, thankful for the time alone.

I feel like I haven’t been alone in months. I love Kate, but even we need some time apart when we can manage. Today is Saturday, so Edward and I will have the whole weekend to ourselves until I do Cordon Monday and Ellen Tuesday. Then I have a two-night stay at the Staples Center Wednesday and Thursday. Edward leaves early Friday morning before I’m back out on the road.

I have about two hours before Edward should get here, so I tidy up my home for the tenth time today. I’m not a messy person so there really isn’t anything to do. Couple that with my stress cleaning and I have a nearly pristine home most of the time. 

Once I’ve cleaned everything I could possibly clean, I head up to my bedroom to shower and change. I stand in my closet, that is larger than the room I grew up in, and stare at the clothes around me. I doubt Edward will want to go out when he gets here, mostly because I told him about the media circus that usually follows me around in Los Angeles.

I settle into a pair of well-worn jean shorts, an intense strappy black contraption of a bra, and a large tank top. It’s ridiculously hot, so the less material the better.

I pull my hair up in a messy bun to get it out of my face and off of my neck when I hear my phone buzz.

**Just landed. I’ll be there within the hour.**

It’s still the early afternoon, so I know it shouldn’t take him too long to get here. The traffic won’t be as horrible as it will be later tonight.

I’d like to think I was the kind of girl would have more important things to do than pace the living room floor while waiting for a guy to show up, but apparently I’m not.

So that’s what I do. I pace. And pace.

The buzzer for my gate goes off and I nearly fall flat on my face in my hurry to get to it.

The monitor shows me the car at the gate, and I take a few seconds to look at the man inside. His hair is as unruly as ever, but his eyes are covered by classic black Ray-Bans. He makes my heart flutter.

I don’t say anything, I just press the button that opens the gate. I can see Edward’s small smirk when the gate begins to open for him though.

I walk out the door and sit on the front porch steps. I have a very secluded plot; the land is one of the first things I bought when I actually had money of my own. I live up on a hill, with a few other houses along the way, but no one anywhere near me. There’s about a half mile drive to actually get up to the house.  

My home in Los Angeles is my favorite place to be. It’s one of the only places I feel safe enough to just be myself, which is why I don’t feel bad about being one of those people on the “most ridiculous celebrity homes!” lists. I know it’s way too big for just one person to live here, but I love it.

I finally hear the purr of an engine, and I can’t help the smile that forms across my face when I see Edward pull up in front of me. He gets out of the car gracefully, and I nearly drool at the sight of him. _Skype cameras do not do him justice._

I hop to my feet and rush him. Edward’s arms catch me easily in a bone crushing hug. I knew I missed him, but I didn’t realize how much until I actually had him back in my arms again.

“I missed you,” I mumble into his neck where I’ve burrowed my head, breathing in his delicious scent.

“Fuck, I missed you, too,” Edward grunts and pushes me into the side of his rental car. His lips meld into mine and the entire length of his body presses against me. The kiss doesn’t start slow and build, it’s passionate and hard from the second our lips touch. It’s everything.

Eventually the kiss slows to our lips just barely grazing and I open my eyes to see Edward’s staring right back at me. One of his hands reaches up to cup my cheek. “You’re beautiful.”

“Come inside,” I tell him.

Edward quickly walks to the trunk of the car and I follow. He leans in to grab his bag and I shamelessly stare at his ass in the dark-wash jeans he’s wearing. But then he turns around and I’m met with his crotch. _Busted_.

Edward saves me the embarrassment of acknowledging my ogling and lets me lead him into the house.

“Your house is beautiful,” he says as we enter. He sets his leather bag down in the entryway, his eyes wandering the room. It makes me nervous for some reason.

“Do you want a tour?”

Edward clasps his hand around mine. “Of course.”

I show him around the main level; which is mostly just the large open kitchen that fades into the living room. In typical guy fashion he asks about the television system I have set up in front of the furniture, but I have no clue what it is. I just bought what the salesman told me looked the best.

Then we move downstairs, which is my favorite part of the house. There’s another small kitchen and bar area down here, and my movie room. Large, plush chairs with stadium seating facing the screen that takes up nearly a whole wall.

Edward, of course, sees the floating shelves lined with awards the second we get down here.

“Damn,” he says, his eyes scanning across the Golden Globe, SAG, BAFTA, and Oscar. His hand reaches out, but he hesitates. “May I?”

I smile at his politeness. Most people just go for it. I reach out for the Oscar and hand it to him. He tests the weight in his hand; it’s actually a lot heavier than you would think, and his finger lightly traces over the plate with my name engraved in it.

“This is amazing,” he says, carefully placing it back where it was. “But, I have to say I’m pretty impartial to this one,” he lifts my hand up to his lips and kisses the small tattoo there.

“I didn’t know you had this many,” Edward asks, reading the plaques along my second globe and SAG.

“These are just the fancy ones. I’ve got a closet full of those surf boards they give out at some teen awards.”

I take him up to the second floor next. It’s mostly spare bedrooms and an office. But the second we step into my bedroom the air begins to crackle with energy. I stand awkwardly in the doorway while Edward walks around. He looks through the bookshelf in the corner for a few minutes, and then spots a script on the dresser.

“New project?”

I shrug. “Maybe. I haven’t decided yet.”

His hands slide along the bedding as he walks past it and I can almost feel them doing the same along my own skin.

“You have a lovely home,” he says as he comes to stand in front of me. His fingers slide lightly up my arm and rest around the crook of my neck. “Do you still need a trial period?”

I’m pushed into the wall behind me, with Edward standing just inches away from me. His hands begin to roam my body, but never touching in the places I want him to the most. “No.”

“So, you’re my girl?” he asks, his voice deeper than usual. He begins to play with the hem of my tank top and it takes all of my willpower to keep from just yelling at him to take it off.

His face is an inch from mine and his breath covers my face. When I move to kiss him, he backs away just out of my reach. “Yes,” I say impatiently.

Edward’s hand finally reaches beneath my thin tank top and he rests it along the skin of my side. It feels like an electric current is rushing through my body, starting at the point where his hand touches me. If he ever asks me in the future, that is what makes me attack him then.

I wrap my hands around his neck and pull him to me with as much force as I can muster. His lips crash into mine and for once, I win the battle between our lips and tongues. The potent taste of him in my mouth makes me forget every insecurity I might have.

I tear my lips from his just long enough to tear his t-shirt over his head. He’s let me have my fun, but I can tell my turn is up. His hands grip my thighs and lift me easily.

Edward carries me to the bed, and sits me down on the edge. He stands in front of me and tugs my hair out of its bindings. For a few moments, he just stands there, staring down at me. _What I would give to know what was going through his mind right now._ Because right now all I could think about was how I was at nearly the perfect height to suck his cock.

I take the initiative to pull my tank top over my head, and I’m met with a quick intake of breath from Edward.

His voice is deeper again, and it makes me tingle all over. “You failed to mention this one when we were discussing tattoos.”

I shrug, but smile. The tattoo on my side is one of my favorites, but I was saving it’s reveal for the perfect time. I have an intricate forest wrapping around my left side, with the words _the monsters turned out to be just trees_ hidden throughout the trees.

Most people think it’s just a pretty picture I like, but it’s much more meaningful than that. My entire life has felt like a battle to get through every day. I was depressed and lonely all throughout my school years; and riddled with anxiety and fear when I started acting, thinking everything would crumble around me. That tattoo was my first step in accepting I needed help to get out of the woods of fears I had built around me.

I slide back along the bed until my head rests on one of the many pillows at the head of the bed. Edward easily follows me up, and I realize his jeans are gone, leaving him only in his black boxers.

Edward’s body settles comfortably over mine. He keeps most of his weight off of me but I can still feel the slightest pressure of him against me. Our lips meet in a surprisingly soft and sweet kiss, but then his hips ground into mine. The moan that escapes me around his lips sets him off though.

He moves down my body, his lips never leaving my skin. When he reaches the trees on my side he spends an immeasurable amount of time kissing and licking every detail.

“Edward, I-“

“Be patient,” he scolds, but I can see a slight smirk on his lips. He loves torturing me. _I guess I don’t mind it that much either._

He finally leaves my side and trails back up to my chest. Once my bra is thrown across the room his hands cup both of my breasts. When his lips take my left nipple into his mouth I can’t stop my hips from bucking into his. It makes him lightly bite the nipple in his mouth and I let out an embarrassing squeak.

After Edward shows an appropriate amount of attention to each of my breasts his lean fingers get my shorts and panties out of the way. Edward sits back on his heels and stares at me. His hands lightly rub my calves then gently push so my legs spread open. “Fucking beautiful.”

Edward leans down, lifting both of my legs onto his shoulders, and traces my entire slit with his tongue, stopping at my clit. Two fingers enter me quickly while his mouth pays plenty of attention to my clit.

My hands pull at his hair and my eyes roll back into my head. _Too much, too much, too much._ “Edward, I –“ his tongue replaces his fingers, fucking me in quick movements and I couldn’t stop the orgasm from taking over if my life depended on it.

By the time I’m able to open my eyes again Edward has the rest of his clothing gone, and his cock covered in a condom. He levels his face with mine again, his eyes trying to tell me . . . something.

I hitch one of my legs around his hip and buck my hips against him impatiently. “ _Please_.”

Edward sighs, his forehead falling against my own. “You deserve sweet, passionate love making. But, _shit_ , I don’t know if I can do that when you just look like you want to be fucked.”

I smirk, give him a quick kiss, and then pull him closer so his ear is at my lips. “We can do the love making later.”

A second later, Edward guides his cock into me slowly. He gives me a few moments to adjust to his . . . _impressive_ size. Both of his hands intertwine with mine and he presses them into the mattress. His thrusts are powerful and deep, his head is buried in the crook of my neck with his lips attached to my skin.

I manage to free my hands from his grasp and wrap them around his back, my nails digging into his soft flesh as his thrusts become faster and harder.

Edward’s lips meet mine in a passionate but sloppy kiss. His hands roam everywhere; along my breasts, down my side, and up my leg. One of his hands eventually finds a home where we’re connected, rubbing my clit in time with his thrusts.

            “Oh, God,” I moan loudly. _Thank God I don’t have neighbors_.

            “All weekend, baby girl,” Edward moans out. “You’re mine to play with all fucking weekend.”

            The thought of Edward having his way with me around the house makes my entire body clench around him.

            “Come for me,” Edward grunts in my ear, and I happily oblige. My nails dig into his back but I don’t have the space in my mind to worry about scratching him. The pleasure courses through my body in waves, and after a few more fast thrusts I can hear Edward grunt through his own release.

            Edward’s body collapses on top of me, and I enjoy the feel of all of his weight pressing me into the bed. I let my hands trail along his back. Imagining the ink they’re roaming across.

            When Edward comes out of his orgasm induced haze he rolls on to his back, taking me with him. My head rests on his chest, listening to his heart beat wildly. He presses his lips onto the top of my head in a soft kiss.

I rest my chin on his sternum and look up at him. “Hi.”

Edward smiles at me. “Hi.” He’s about to say something else, but a phone ringing interrupts him. He sighs heavily, and gently rolls me off of him. He gets out of bed in all of his naked glory and throws away the condom before shuffling through his pants to get to his phone.

His voice is harsh when he answers. “What? Not tonight, Alice.”

I give him some privacy to talk with his sister and scurry to the bathroom. I jump in the shower and just a few minutes later Edward joins me.

“Is Alice okay?” I ask.

Edward lathers up his hands with soap and begins to gently wash my body. “She’s in town, actually.”

I cock my head to the side, confused. “She is? What’s she doing here?”

“I made the mistake of telling Jasper where I was going. They all decided they needed a little vacation, too. I’ve been instructed to ask you to go to dinner with all of them.”

            Edward’s hands roam every crevice of my body and it makes me want to say no to Alice and lock him in my house all weekend. But I figure if we go to dinner tonight, they can explore the city tomorrow and, hopefully, leave me and Edward out of it. I tell Edward as much and he quickly agrees.

            We finish our shower and take our time drying off. Edward leaves to get his bag from the foyer and to call Alice back.

            I call my favorite steakhouse downtown and book a private room for us. I guess I still need to have a conversation with Edward about what going out in public with me really entails.

            I’m sitting in front of my vanity, braiding my wet hair to get it out of my face, when Edward walks back in. He’s still deliciously covered in only a towel, and it makes me wish we weren’t going anywhere.  

            “I don’t think . . . I mean, usually I don’t . . .”

            Edward comes to lean against the vanity next to me, his arms crossed across his chest. “What is it?”

            “I’m very open with the public about most aspects of my life. They know my favorite movies, they know who my friends are, everything. But I always draw the line at my romantic relationships. Only a handful of people know I ever saw Jacob.

            “I’m not saying this because I’m ashamed to be with you, but I just prefer that people don’t meddle in my relationships. So I . . .”

            Edward nods. “You don’t want the world to know we’re together.”

            I shrug. “Are you mad?”

            “Of course not. I understand, more that you realize. I don’t need the world to know about us. I know you’re mine, and you know I’m yours. That’s all that matters.”

            I look up at him, surprised. “You can have Alice and the others meet us here. You all can drive to the restaurant separately, and I’ll meet you there. The paparazzi in California are brutal.”

            Edward leans down and traces my cheek lightly. “We can have dinner here, order something in?”

            Edward’s concern makes me smile. “No, it’s okay. I’m used to it. Call Alice, I’m going to get ready.”

 

~H.K.~

 

            “Damn,” Edward mumbles under his breath as he walks back into my bedroom. He comes over to trace his fingers along the exposed skin of my torso.

            My dress has a few cutouts along my torso, the v-neck top wraps around my waist to my back and forms the knee length skirt. I pair the black dress with a large, rose gold sequin sweater, and a pair of black heeled boots. Edward seems to like it.

            “You’re gorgeous,” he says, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I pull my braid around my shoulder and wrap my arms around his waist. But, the second I do, the buzzer goes off out front.

            Edward and I walk toward the door and I enter the code to open the gate. As we wait for his family to arrive I take a look at what he’s wearing; black dress slacks and a light grey sweater.

            “You look very handsome,” I whisper shyly. I’ve never been good with the whole flirting thing.

            Edward chuckles at me, and gives me a quick peck on my lips. “You let me do wicked things to you, yet you’re embarrassed to tell me you think I look nice?”

            “I told you I wasn’t good with the whole relationship thing.”

            “Oh, I think you’re pretty good.”

            A black Range Rover pulls up and Alice hops out first, followed by Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie.

            “Bella! Your house is beautiful!” Alice skips up to me and give me a hug.

            “Hollywood! I’m ready for some food. Where are we going?” Emmett claps his hands together and rubs his stomach. It makes me laugh, but Rosalie just glares at him and I.

            “I’ve got us a private room at Boa. The reservation is under Edward’s name, I’ll meet you all there.”

            “Why don’t you just drive with us, there’s enough room in the Range Rover.” Alice says.

            “I’ll have to get through the paparazzi. I’ll meet you guys there.”

            Rosalie gives me an odd look, but the others nod. Edward gives me a quick kiss before getting in the car with the rest of his family.

            Once they’re gone I open the garage to get in my white BMW convertible. It doesn’t take long once I’m out of my gated driveway for me to see the paparazzi cars following me. Thankfully, for now, they seem to be keeping their distance.

            Once I pull up to the valet parking in front of the downtown restaurant, there are flashes all around me. The moment my feet hit the ground the shouts start.

            “Bella, how is the tour going?”

            “Give us a little smile, baby!”

            I gag a little in my mouth at the last one. “Baby” is a relatively polite name for them to call me, but it’s still disgusting.

            I maneuver my way through the crowd and make it into the restaurant. The hostess recognizes me immediately so I don’t need to tell her my name. She leads me through the restaurant to the private room in the back.

            Dinner is . . . interesting. Edward’s family is lovely, except for Rosalie. I don’t know if I’ve ever said two words to her, but something I’ve done has obviously upset her. I don’t know if I care that much, though.

            I learned a long time ago that I can’t please everyone. It used to destroy me when random people on the street would scowl at me, but it doesn’t bother me anymore. When people don’t want anything to do with me, I don’t want anything to do with them. So, I ignore Rosalie all night and get to know everyone else.

            Alice is a friendly drunk. She sits next to me and we become quick friends. She’s quirky and adorable and invites me to her birthday party in New York at the beginning of November.

            Jasper is quiet, but not shy. He listens to everything around him, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to chime in with a great joke. He also must have the patience of a saint to put up with Alice all of the time.

            Emmett is hilarious. He lives to make other people laugh. I take a few of his zings but they’re all true so I don’t mind. His relationship with Rosalie confuses me, though.

            All throughout dinner Edward keeps a hand on me somewhere, whether it be on my thigh or over my shoulder. _I could get used to this._

            I reach for the check when the waitress brings it over, but Edward beats me to it.

            “You don’t have to . . .”

            “What kind of man would I be if I let you pay for the meal on our first date?”

            “Please, Edward, this isn’t a date if your entire family is here with you!” A very drunk, and very happy Alice pipes in.

            “She has a point. And I made you travel all the way down here. I –“

            “You’re not paying.” Edward uses his deep, stern voice and it makes my stomach tense in the best way possible. The look he gives me lets me know he understands the effect it has on me.

            I suddenly can’t wait to get home.

            A few minutes later, when the waitress comes back with Edward’s card, she leans down to tell me something. “Ms. Swan, um, there’s a Mr. Black here who’d like to come in and say hello?”

            My entire body tenses, and I can feel Edward’s do the same next to me. “Um, no, I think we were just getting ready to leave.”

            “Of course, Ms. Swan. I hope you enjoyed your meal.”

            “Black? Like Jacob Black? Oh, I’d love to meet him!” Alice exclaims, thankfully after the waitress had already left.

            “We should get going.” Edward says, his voice leaving no room for discussion.

            The valet allows Edward to follow them to where my car is parked so he can get in it before they bring it up to the front. This way his family doesn’t have to drive back to my place to drop him off.

            When I found out they were staying in a hotel downtown I was about to offer to let them stay with me, but Edward quickly shut that idea down by trailing his finger up my dress. I think he was expecting to be met with panties, but they were pretty impossible with this dress.

            I exit the restaurant as soon as I see my car drive up. The paparazzi are still there, but I give them a quick, rare, smile to appease them. I smile at the valet and slip a fifty-dollar bill in his hand with a quick nod.

            I settle in the car and head home. Edward is tense and doesn’t say anything on the drive home, but he does keep my hand in his, with his thumb rubbing smooth circles into my skin.

            After I park the car in the garage Edward jumps out before me and walks over to open my door. “Thank you,” I mutter, unsure of why he’s in such a sour mood now. Is it the mention of Jacob, or having to jump through hoops to avoid the paparazzi?

            We end up in the living room. I kick off my shoes and curl into the corner of the L shaped sofa. I pull the soft throw blanket that’s folded over the back and tuck it into my lap.

            Edward sits on the sofa, but not anywhere near me. It’s a long sofa and he chooses to sit on the complete other side from me.

            “Are you okay?” I ask him, even though I’m not sure if I want the answer.

            Edward sighs and runs his fingers roughly through his hair. “The fucker is married and he’s still trying to get to you?”

            “I don’t think he’s trying to get to me, he probably just saw me walk in and was trying to be polite.”

            “Do you still talk to him?”

            I flinch at his harsh words and the implication behind them. “No. The last time I heard from him was the last time I worked with him.”

            I get up from my spot and walk over to Edward. I push him back against the sofa and settle myself on his lap, my legs on either side of his hips. “I’m sorry he was there. Believe me, I don’t want to see him.”

            Edward looks at me for a moment, his green eyes fierce and passionate. His hands cradle my face and his lips cover mine. There’s a new hint of desperation in his kiss. Not the good kind either.

            I put my hands on either side of his face, mimicking his on mine. “I don’t want him. I haven’t for a long time. I want _you_.”

            Edward groans, thankfully a groan full of pleasure, as I ground my hips into his. “I haven’t thanked you,” I whisper.

            Edward’s voice is muffled as he peppers kisses along my neck. “For what?”

            “For putting up with everything about my life.” I ground my hips against his one more time before I sink to my knees in front of him. My intent is clear when I begin to undo his pants.

            I quickly get his cock free from the confines of his slacks and give it a few quick pumps with my hand.

            “You don’t have to do that,” Edward grunts out, even though it’s clear he’s enjoying himself.

            I spread the beads of pre-cum around the head of his cock, and lick the length of him before taking the head in my mouth and sucking lightly. Edward threads his fingers in my hair, gently guiding my head along his length.

            “Fuck, that’s it, sweetheart,” Edward groans, his fingers tightening on my scalp.

            I look up at him and see his head thrown back. His eyes are hooded, open just enough to peak down at me. The sight of him lost in pleasure motivates to me suck just a little bit harder.

            Edward grunts at my increased pace, and I can feel his body tensing with his impending orgasm. It makes me work my mouth over him harder.

            Edward’s fingers let go of my hair and he gently soothes my hair back. “I’m gonna come, baby.”

            I keep my lips glued around him and swallow everything he gives me quickly as he grunts out his release.

            Edward pulls me back into his lap, his fingers gradually push my dress up my hips. He kisses me again and the desperation that was there before is gone and replaced with languid, sated lips.


	6. Now Or Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song mentioned is an actual unreleased Halsey song titled Garden - I'm sure you can find the audio of it on YouTube. Give it a listen if ya want!

_I’m turnin’ off the light right now, I’m callin’ it a night. Now I’m wishin’ you were ‘round with me, but you in a different town than me. We’ve been through it all, but you could never spit it out for me. Tryin’ to talk to a wall, but you could never tear it down for me. ~ Halsey, **Now Or Never**_

****

~H.K.~

           

So far, Sunday has been the best day I’ve had in years. Edward and I spend the first half of the day in bed wrapped around each other. He makes good on his promise to make love to me slowly and sweetly, but he also fucks me until I can hardly breathe.

            I don’t think I have ever felt so wanted in my entire life. Edward’s hands are constantly touching me in some way or another, like he can’t get close enough to me no matter how often we’re together.

            We take a break late in the afternoon and go down to the movie room. Edward picks something out from my collection, but neither of us are paying much attention to it. Edward spends the movie asking me about how they’re made, and what it is that I like about my job.

            “It’s always been an escape for me,” I tell him. “I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up, so I spent a lot of time getting lost in books. Then acting fell into my lap and I became the characters I was always reading about. Getting lost in a character is a nice way to forget about my problems for a while.”

            My stomach knots up, but I know this is as good a time as any to bring up the subject that I’ve avoided in every conversation we’ve had. “About . . . two years after I started acting I had a… sort of a breakdown. I just lost it; I was stressed and exhausted and alone. I spent six weeks in a mental rehabilitation center.”

            Edward pulls me into his lap, his arms wrap comfortingly around my hips. “But, you’re good now, right?” Edward asks, the concern in his voice simultaneously comforting me and breaking my heart a little bit.

            “Yeah, I’m good. I was depressed and lonely, but I’m better now. I have mood stabilizers I take every morning. I just, I thought you should know.”

            “Will you promise me something?” Edward asks me.

            I nod tentatively.

            “If you ever start to feel like that again, I don’t want you to hold it in until it breaks you. Will you come to me?”

            I study everything about him. His eyes are somewhat sad, but serious. His jaw is set, and his lips are pressed into a thin line. Despite the worry obviously affecting him, he’s never been more beautiful.

            Because he cares. He’s not judging me for not being stronger, and he’s not telling me everything will be okay when we don’t know that for sure. He’s just giving me his word that no matter what, he’ll be there for me.

            I can feel tears start to spill out of my eyes, but Edward just brushes them away with gentle fingers.

            This is it. This is the moment I fall in love with Edward Cullen.

            The words are on the tip of my tongue, but there’s something that keeps me from saying them just yet. Instead, I run my fingers lightly through his hair and press the softest kiss to his lips.

            “Thank you,” I mumble against his lips.

            We spend the rest of the moving making out on the couch, our bodies too tired to do much more.

            Later that night, when we’re back in bed surrounded by whatever food we could find in my kitchen, I decide to broach the subject of Rosalie.

            “Rosalie is very suspicious. Not just of you, of anyone who gets close to our family.” Edward just shrugs it off like it’s no big deal, but I still don’t really understand.

            “I’m not after your money.” _Obviously_.

            Edward laughs heartily. “I know, sweetheart. She knows that too, she just takes a while to come around to new people. Once she knows she can trust you, she’ll be your most loyal defender.”

            I regret bringing her up, because now I’m just grumpy. I get up from bed and go over to the section of my closet where I keep spare blankets. I’m a bit of a blanket hoarder. I pull out a new one and notice the bag hidden behind some shoes that I completely forgot about.

            “Oh!”

            “Are you okay?” Edward shouts from the bedroom.

            “I almost forgot!” I hurry back into the bedroom, bag in hand, and settle in next to Edward. “You said you just turned twenty-six, so . . .” I place the bag on the bed in front of him. “Happy belated birthday!”

            Edward looks completely surprised. “Bella, you didn’t have to get me anything.” I don’t miss the little smile tugging at the corner of his lips. _Somebody likes presents_.

            “Well, it’s – just open it.”

            Edward carefully pulls the wrapped frame out of the bag, along with the single CD. He unwraps it, and reads the messy scribbles on the framed paper. “ _He said, ‘’I really don’t mind if we take our time ‘cause I’ve got a couple bottles of your favorite wine. ‘Cause I’ve got you, yeah, I’ve got you now I’ve got you.’ And you think my bruised knees are sort of pretty. And I think your tired eyes are kind of nice. When I first met you, there was a garden growing from a black hole in my mind._ ”

            Edward looks at the words for a long time, so long that I begin to think this was a very, very stupid idea. “I, um, wrote it. It’s a whole song, but that was the part that I came up with first. I recorded it for you, too.” Edward’s eyes don’t leave the frame. “It was stupid wasn’t it? I knew I should’ve –“

            “Bella, this is . . . The most meaningful gift I’ve ever received. I –“ His eyes haven’t left the frame, and his jaw is hanging open.

            A great sense of pride rushes through me. I can do this. I can be a good girlfriend and I can open myself up to Edward in ways I’ve never been able to do with anyone else.

            I grab my computer from my bedside table and flip it open. Edward is still staring slack jawed at the frame, so I click on the copy of the song in my library and turn the volume up.

            Edward’s eyes are wide as he looks at me throughout the whole three minutes the song plays. When it’s over, he sets the frame carefully on the floor next to the bed along with the CD. He closes my computer and puts it on the bedside table then pushes me back into the bed with his entire body covering mine.

            “You’re the most . . . magnificent woman I’ve ever known.” He says quietly, his eyes shining with emotion. _Love?_ No, I can’t let myself thing that. Not yet. His lips meet mine in a kiss so passionate it nearly brings tears to my eyes.

            Edward makes quick work getting all of our clothes out of the way, not stopping until we’re skin to skin. His lips are everywhere; moving with mine, trailing along their favorite path down my neck, worshiping every inch of my body. They say what both of us are too afraid to yet. _I love you, I love you, I love you_.

            “Fucking condom,” he curses, about to reach over to the table where he’s stashed some.

            “You don’t . . . have to. I’m on the pill and I’m clean.” I’ve never had unprotected sex. Not once have I ever even considered it. I’ve never wanted kids, so I’ve always been extra careful in that department. But the thought of _feeling_ all of Edward blurs my thoughts.

            “Are you sure? They’re right here, baby.”

            “Yes, I just want _you_.”

            Edward slides into me smoothly, and all I can think about is how I want this man for the rest of my life.

            There’s nothing hurried about our lovemaking, we take our time and explore each other’s bodies. We learn what makes each other moan and groan until the sensations are too much to control any longer. Edward’s movements pick up speed and after three harsh thrusts we both give in to our pleasure.

            A few minutes later, seconds before I’m about to drift into a peaceful sleep, Edward’s phone starts to ring from the floor somewhere. He groans and reaches over for it, grumbling something under his breath before he answers.

            “Hello? I’ll be back Friday morning.” Edward rubs his eyes angrily with his free hand, listening to whoever is on the other side of the phone. “Yes. I’ll be there.”

            He hangs up the phone, tosses it on the table, and wraps his arms tightly around me again.

            “Is everything okay?”

            “No. There’s some business that needs to be taken care of back home.” Edward sighs, and I know where this is headed. “I need to head back tomorrow morning.”

            “Oh.” I try not to let how devastated I am be evident in my voice, but I don’t think I do a very good job.

            “I’m sorry,” Edward says, and I can tell just how upset he is about the situation as well.

            “It’s okay. I can hardly complain about your busy schedule when mine is just as bad, if not worse. I’ll just . . . I’ll miss you.”

            I lay cuddled up in about four different blankets with a cup of coffee while Edward packs up his things the next morning. He has yet to put on a shirt, opting for just jeans right after his shower, so I sit back and enjoy the view.

            When he sets his bag with the framed lyrics next to his bag I frown. “Do you want me to ship that to you? So you don’t have to carry it on the plane?”

            Edward shrugs. “Carrying on extra bags isn’t a big deal when you’re on a private plane.”

            My eyebrows shoot up. “Private plane, huh?”

            Edward just smirks at me.

            Once all of his things are packed I walk with Edward downstairs. He sets his bag by the door and I detour to the kitchen to put my coffee away. I yelp when hands suddenly lift me up and set me on the large island in the middle of the kitchen.

            We line up perfectly eye to eye in this position. Edward’s hands slide under my t-shirt, tracing the skin he knows is covered in ink on my side.

            “You’re still my girl,” he tells me, his lips resting in his favorite spot on my neck.

            “Always.”

            The gate buzzer goes off, but I’m not expecting anyone. Edward takes in my confusion, and walks with me to the keypad.

            “Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie are flying back with me. But Alice wanted to stay, so I suggested she come stay with you until Friday. I didn’t want to leave you here all alone.” The regret at having to cut our vacation short is clear as day on his face. If I weren’t so disappointed about it as well, I’d try to make him feel better about it.

            “You take good care of me,” I whisper, not used to having others do things for me. I bury my head in his chest and whisper, “I appreciate it.”

            Edward tugs my head away from him and holds my face in both of his hands. “I’d do anything for you.”

            “You’re not making this whole goodbye any easier.”

            Edward sighs. “I know. I’ll come see you the first chance I can, okay?”

            I nod. “Call me when you land?” He nods.

            The sound of a car pulling up outside pulls us out of our bubble. Edward gives me a heart stopping, passionate kiss before he grabs his bags and heads out the door.

            I follow him, wrapping the blanket tighter around myself despite the rising temperature outside.

            Alice hops out of the passenger seat of the Range Rover. She meets Edward near the trunk, and he pulls her luggage out before replacing it with his. Before he gets in the car he whispers something to Alice. He looks up at me one more time, and gives me a small wave.

            Then he’s gone.

 

~H.K.~

 

_Are you enjoying Houston?_

            Edward’s text makes me smile. He’s got my routine before shows memorized, and always manages to text me when I’m in my dressing room signing merch.

**Am I in Houston? I thought we were in Dallas?**

            The past month and a half has been a flurry of shows and appearances. Half of the time I don’t even know what city I’m in, like today.

            “Where are we?” I ask Kate. She’s at a small desk in the corner typing furiously on her laptop.

            “Houston, why?”

            “Are you sure we’re not in Dallas?”

            “We’re going to Dallas in two days.”

**I’ve been informed that I am, in fact, in Houston. It’s lovely, I think.**

            _You work too much. You need a nap._

            I can picture Edward sitting at his big, fancy desk shaking his head at my blunder.

            There’s a knock at the door, but I continue with my signing. Kate usually takes care of anyone coming in and out, but she just keeps working on her laptop.

            “I’ve got it. Don’t worry about it,” I say sarcastically as I get up to answer the door.

            Copper hair and green eyes greet me on the other side, and my heart stops. I let out an embarrassing squeal and throw myself in his arms.

            “What are you doing here?” I ask between kisses.

            Edward lifts me so my legs wrap around his waist, and he kicks the door closed. I squeeze him with all the strength I can muster.

            “I missed you,” he says simply.

            “That’s my cue to leave. Good to see you again, Edward,” Kate smiles, packs up her laptop, and leaves the room.

            Over the past month and a half Edward has come to visit me on two, now three, different occasions. I hate that he’s always having to come to me, but I make a promise to myself to change that once this tour is over. He even gave me one of those fancy keys that gets me into his penthouse.

            Alice has come out to see me a time or two as well. I loved having her stay with me after Edward left early. She’s witty and sarcastic and just the kind of person I needed to keep me from obsessing over Edward’s absence.

             “How long are you here?” I refrain from taking my favorite spot over Edward’s lap. I don’t have long before I have to head out to the pre-show meet and greet.

            “Just tonight.”

            I get back to work, sitting in my spot of the floor. But now, I have Edward’s legs next to me. I lean my head on his knee and hurry to finish up before Kate gets back.

           

~H.K.~

 

            My back slams into the wall of my hotel room, my shirt flies across the room. My hands quickly pull at Edward’s belt and push his jeans down his legs. I squirm out of Edward’s grasp and sink to my knees in front of him. We both moan as soon as my lips are wrapped around his cock.

            I’ve only been with two other men aside from Edward. But I’ve learned that the sex with them was mediocre at best. Edward is passionate and loving. He puts my pleasure above all else. That most definitely wasn’t the case with anyone else.

            I had done _this_ to my previous boyfriends, but it was never as enjoyable as it is with Edward. The noises he makes and the dirty thoughts that stream out of his mouth unfiltered . . .

            After just a few minutes he pulls me away from him and stands me up. The rest of our clothes are shed and Edward situates himself in the middle of the king size bed.

            I follow his lead and straddle his waist. I don’t hesitate and quickly sink down on his length. My hips rock with his, slowly at first, but it’s not enough. It doesn’t take long for us to both need more.

            Edward flips us over and quickly wraps my legs around his waist. He sets a punishing pace, his hips slamming into mine, but I love every second of it.

            “Fuck,” Edward grunts out. One of his hands slides down to where we’re connected and plays with my clit and pushes me over the edge. After two quick, sharp thrusts Edward follows me.

            It takes us a good ten minutes for our breathing to return to normal. When I can actually talk I ask Edward if there was any special reason for this visit.

            Edward pulls me into his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me. “I wanted to see you before your birthday.”

            “Mmm. Are you my birthday present?” I ask jokingly.

            Edward reaches under a pillow and pulls out a large velvet box. “No, this is.”

            My eyes widen and my breathing picks up. _That’s a fancy box_.

            “You didn’t have to get me anything,” I mumble, but quickly flip the box open.

            _Fuck_. “Fuck.”

            The bracelet is simple, but breathtaking. The dainty chain is heavy with diamonds all intertwined in intricate knots, and I have no doubt just how real they are if Edward bought it.

            “This is too much, Edward. It’s lovely but –“

            “Do you like it?” His voice is stern, his eyes challenging.

            “Of course. It’s beautiful, but –“

            Edward snatches the box out of my hands and quickly clasps the bracelet around my wrist. “Then you’ll keep it. Whenever I’m not here, or you’re at an event I can’t go to with you, wear this and I’ll be there. It’ll be our secret sign.”

            I look at my wrist in the dim light and can’t stop my face splitting smile. _It is mighty pretty_.

            “No one’s ever given me jewelry before,” I mutter under my breath, mostly to myself.

            “No one’s ever given you any jewelry?”

            I shrug. “It’s not a big deal. I get a lot of jewelry from other places so it’s not like I needed it from anyone.”

            “You might not need it, but you deserve it.”

 

~H.K.~

 

“Bella, did you hear that Jane got a promotion?” My mother mentions for the third time since we sat down for dinner. _So, yes mother I did hear that somewhere_.

            “Yeah, that’s amazing,” I say. I truly am happy for my older sister, but I don’t need to hear it repeatedly.

            Jane gives me a sad smile.

            I know my mother means well. She just doesn’t know how she can be sometimes. She’s always so worried about Jane feeling left out because of all of the attention my job brings that she doesn’t see that she’s ignored every accomplishment I’ve made for the last three years.

            All I got was a simple ‘congratulations’ after I won my Oscar.

            I try not to dwell on it, but it’s hard to ignore when I’m home. I got here two days ago after my show in Seattle, and I already can’t wait to leave. Well, I guess that’s not entirely true.  While mom has always fussed over Jane, my dad has always been good at finding balance. It’s nice to get to spend some time with him.

            It would be nice if mom could make my birthday dinner more about me and less about Jane, though.

            My parents still live in the tiny town I grew up in, Forks, Washington. They have a new house though, and no debt. That’s the first thing I did with my first paycheck from the _Tainted_ series.

            “I think I decided on my next project,” I pipe in, hoping to change the subject.

            “Oh, what’s it about?” Charlie asks.

            “It’s this – “

            “Bella, when are you going to come back home? Haven’t you grown out of this acting thing?”

            I throw my silverware down. I’ve listened to her degrade every life choice I’ve made and just sat there for it. _I’m fucking done_. “It’s my _job_ mom. I’m an actress.”

            “It’s not a job, it’s a phase. You need a real job, Isabella, a career.”

            “Renee – “

            “Mom . . .”

            “No, this is good. We’ve finally got it out in the open. You were fine with my chosen _career_ when I paid off all of Jane’s student loans and bought you this house, but now it’s not a real path?”

            “Bella, I just want you to have a more stable future, that’s all.”

            “I’m doing just fine, mom.” I get up from the table and quickly go to the guest room I’ve been staying in. The first thing I do is text Kate.

**I need a car and a plane ticket to Chicago. Now.**

Thankfully I never really unpacked, so it only takes me a few minutes to get my things together. _I need to get out of here_.

The door to my room opens and I expect to see my mother, but Charlie is there instead.

“Please don’t try to talk me into staying. I can’t deal with her right now.”

“I just wanted to see if you’d let me take you to the airport.”

My body sags and I wrap my arms around my father. “I’m real proud of you, Bells. I hope you know that.”

“I do.”

I make a quick getaway after that. Mom ignores me, but Jane gives me a hug and apologizes for mom. She knows I don’t blame her for mom’s bullshit, so I know we’re good.

Charlie gets me to the airport in time for a redeye to Chicago. I don’t get in until around one in the morning, so I probably won’t get to Edward’s until two.

**On a redeye to Chicago. Getting to your place around two, hope that’s okay?**

I don’t hear anything back from Edward, but that’s not unexpected. He’s probably either working or asleep.

I’m exhausted and close to a full mental breakdown after spending the entire flight replaying my mother’s words in my head. My only saving grace was that my flight wasn’t full and the stewardess made sure I had the first row to myself.

The car Kate got for me drops me off in the underground parking lot of Edward’s hotel. My mood lifts a little bit when I insert the key to the penthouse. An unexpected day with Edward is just what I need to get me out of my bad mood.

The elevator door opens and I’m surprised to see most of the lights still on in the apartment. I’m even more surprised to see Edward sitting at his kitchen table with a group of men, all of whom turn to look at me as I enter.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” I turn around and press the button for the elevator to return.

Edward is behind me then, a hand on my back and his other taking my duffle bag from me. “What are you doing here?” he whispers into my ear.

His voice is wrong, for one thing. It’s tense and harsh. I don’t like it.

“I texted you, I’m sorry. I’ll just go get a room downstairs.”

Edward shakes his head and starts to lead me to the stairs. “No, come with me.” Then he looks toward the group of men behind us. “I’ll be right back, gentlemen.”

“Who are all those people?” I whisper to him.

Edward ushers me into his bedroom and closes the door securely behind us. He sets my bag on the floor and wraps his arms around me. All of the pent-up emotions from the day boil over and silent tears stream down my cheeks.

“Shh, it’s okay, baby girl. Give me twenty minutes to get rid of everyone downstairs, and then we can talk. Okay?” Edward presses a kiss to my forehead and mumbles, “It’s going to be okay,” so quietly I don’t think it’s meant for me.

Once Edward leaves I just sit on his bed for a few minutes. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, but it doesn’t look like much has changed. I do notice the framed lyrics I gave him are hanging up above his bed though.

I decide to take a quick shower before Edward gets back. I absolutely hate the lingering smell of airplanes. After the shitty afternoon and then the flight, I’m in desperate need of a shower. I leave my clothes scattered on the floor and hop in.

Steam fills the room and Edward’s scent surrounds me as I lather his shampoo in my hair.

_Haven’t you grown out of this acting phase?_

_You need a real job, a career._

I tingling in my hand brings me back to reality. “Fuck,” I look down and see blood trickling down my hand. I guess I was grasping the razor in my hand too tightly.

“Bella?” Edward calls from his room. I don’t bother responding. He’ll find me.

Edward pulls open the shower door and looks at me with the most defeated expression on his face.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks.

Edward shuts off the water and helps me out of the shower. He wraps me in a fluffy towel and has me sit on the counter. He doesn’t say anything as he rinses off my hand and wraps it up in a bandage.

He carries me into his bedroom and sets me on my feet at the foot of his bed. Edward brings me a t-shirt and helps me slide it over my head. I crawl up his bed and slide underneath the covers.

Edward strips down to his boxers and gets in right beside me. “Will you tell me what happened?”

“I had the razor in my hand and I –“

“No, what happened in Forks. You were celebrating your birthday with your family.”

I scoff at the mention of _family_. “My mother doesn’t think I have a real job. I need to settle down and find a real career according to her. She never passes up an opportunity to praise my sister about her accomplishments. I’m the black sheep of the family that she’s disappointed in.”

Edward lifts my chin and forces me to look him in the eyes. “You’re one of the most successful women I have ever met. You’re accomplished and talented and I don’t want you to ever think you’re not, do you understand?”

I nod my head and scoot closer to Edward. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for coming to me.”

“I’m sorry I interrupted.”

Edward’s body tenses when I mention the meeting I interrupted, but I’ too tired to ask him about it.


	7. Walls Could Talk

_Been about two weeks since you went away. I’m about halfway through a Cabernet. There I go, I’m wastin’ a Saturday sittin’ at home. Told my new roommate not to let you in but you’re so damn good with a bobby pin. Now you gon’ play me like a violin, hitting these notes. ~ Halsey, **Walls Could Talk**_

 

~H.K.~

 

            The weeks that follow my spontaneous trip to visit Edward are hard. I’m on vocal rest nearly every day, except for the two hours a night I’m performing. I have this pathetic whiteboard Kate hooked to a string wrapped around my neck all the time. It’s basically my only form of communication.

            I’m exhausted all the time, mentally and physically. I’m getting run down and my schedule is only going to get worse before it gets better. The final _Tainted_ movie is about to be released, so most of November is going to be filled with promo for that. I have premiers in London, Germany, France, Los Angeles, and New York all within a week at the end of November.

            There’s nothing I can do about any of it though. There’s no way I would cancel any tour dates, and postponing isn’t an option. I’ve already got projects lined up for the second I’m able to get acting again, so there is nowhere to reschedule any dates.

            To make matters worse, I haven’t seen Edward since I showed up at his place the night of my birthday. He’s been busy at work, and I obviously can’t get away either. I can’t even call him because the doctor has me on vocal rest too often.

_I miss you._

            It’s late, nearly one in the morning. But I’m in Florida so that would make it only midnight for him, I think. I don’t expect a text back, but I do wish for one nonetheless.

            Quick, frantic knocking at the door startles me. I pull the soft hotel robe tight around me and tip toe towards the door. The last person I expect to see standing there is Edward, but there he is.

            I quickly open the door for him. He’s a mess; his clothes are a least a day-old judging by the wrinkles, and his hair is sticking up in all directions.

            “What’s wrong?” I ask, my voice hoarse and gruff, but I don’t care.

            Edward pushes his way inside, and I catch a glimpse of two men in suits outside the room as well. _What the fuck?_

            “Who else is out there?” I start to walk back out, but Edward pulls me back and slams the door. He leads me to the plush couch in the middle of the room, and kneels in front of me. “What’s going on?”

            “I need you to listen to everything I say before you ask questions, okay?”

            I resist the urge to ask why I can’t ask any questions and just nod.

            “You’re in danger.”

            My eyebrows shoot up. That is definitely not what I was expecting him to say.

            Edward pulls out a few black and white photographs of me walking into the arena tonight. “These got sent to me.”

            I just shrug my shoulders. “Edward, there are photos like that of me all over the internet. I also get death threats nearly every day. They’re all nothing.”

            I can sense Edward’s frustration. His hands grip my knees rightly, and his head falls into my lap. I run my fingers through his hair, hopefully relaxing him a bit.

            “I’m fine,” I tell him.

            Edward looks up at me, his eyes giving away an internal battle within his mind. I smile down at him, hoping to be the calm in the middle of his storm. “I’m fine,” I say again.

            Edward smiles at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, not completely. Then, proclamations just start spilling out of his mouth. “I love you. I love the way your nose scrunches up when you don’t like something. I love how passionate you are about your music and your acting. You’re so _fucking_ good. I love the song you wrote for me, I listen to it every day. I love the way you treat every person you meet with kindness and compassion. Fuck, I just love you.”

            Tears roll down my face before I can even hope to stop them. “I -“

            “No, not yet,” Edward takes my face in his hands and wipes away my tears with his thumbs. “I’m sorry, Bella. So fucking sorry.”

            My stomach drops, imagining a million different scenarios for whatever he is apologizing for.

            “Edward,” he tries to interrupt me, but I don’t let him. “No, listen to me _. I love you_. You’re the only thing that gets me through some days. You make me smile and you don’t put up with any of my shit. You make me talk to you when I have a bad day and don’t let me beat myself up over little things. You take care of me in ways I didn’t know I needed.”

            “ _Bella_ ,” Edward leans up and brushes his lips ever so lightly against mine. I hook my fingers in his hair and tug lightly, eliciting a delicious moan out of him.

            I pull him up on the couch and straddle his hips. It just takes a few swivels of my hips for me to feel him harden beneath me.

            “Bella, we shouldn’t –“

            “I love you,” I whisper. I slide the robe off my shoulders and am left completely bare on Edward’s lap. He lets out a groan, and his hands come to rest on my hips. His fingertips trace the tattoo on my side, a bittersweet expression on his face. “I love you.” I repeat.

            Edward pulls me tighter against him and our lips meet in a firey kiss. My hands fumble with the buttons on his shirt, but I manage to slide it off his arms eventually.

            My lips trail down his neck, along his chest, and stop right above his heart. “I love you.”

            Edward brings my lips back to his while I work on undoing his slacks. Once I have him released from the confines of his pants I slowly sink down on him.

            My fingers dig into his shoulders and my lips stay connected to his as I start to rock over his body. My hair falls around us, giving us our own little bubble.

            “I love you,” Edward mumbles against my lips, making me smile.

            We spend an immeasurable amount of time on that couch, rocking together and repeating words of love over and over. My hips start to move faster, but Edward’s hands restrain me. “No, slow,” he says, his eyes trained on where we’re connected.

            Our hips continue slowly rocking together until it becomes too much. My hips start to move just a little bit faster, and Edward’s movements start to become desperate.

            “Come for me,” he whispers, and I do.

            My body sags against him as he groans out his own release.

            I look at Edward with a satisfied smile on my face, but he isn’t wearing a matching one. His brows are knit together and he looks just as distraught as he did when he got here.

            “Edward, really, I get threats all of the time. The police check them out and they’re usually just from bored kids.”

            Edward shakes his head. He grabs my robe off of the floor and secures it around my shoulders. I stand up from his lap and head to the little kitchen to get us both some water.

            “They didn’t send those pictures to you, Bella. They sent them to _me_.” Oh.

            _Oh_.

            “Well, if we’re out, we’re out. I would’ve liked some more time to have you to myself but –“

            “Bella, the person who sent those pictures isn’t a fan of yours.”

            It’s my turn to frown at him now. I sit at the small glass table in the kitchen, and Edward sits opposite of me. “I don’t understand. Who else would be interested in us being together?”

            Edward pulls another photo out of his pocket. “This is Aro Volturi. He’s the head of the Italian mafia in Chicago.”

            I can’t help the laugh that escapes me. “You think the _mafia_ is interested in me? Edward, I’m just an actress. My life isn’t that interesting.”

            “Bella, you’re not _listening_!”

            “I am listening! You’re not saying what you actually mean.” I snap.

            Edward takes a deep breath before he continues. “Aro is the head of the Italian mafia in Chicago, and Carlisle is the head of the Irish mafia in Chicago. I’m his second in command.”

            My mind is spinning and I can’t understand anything he’s saying. _This doesn’t make sense_. “Is this some kind of joke? Did Emmett put you up to this or something?”

            “Bella, this is all very real. Do you remember the night of your birthday, the group of men you saw in my home?” Edward asks me. His voice is calm and collected, the complete opposite of how I feel right now.

            “Yes.”

            “I was meeting with some . . . associates, one of which turns out to be a fucking rat. He told Aro about you and I. He’s wanted to stir shit up for years, and he sees this as his chance.”

            I shake my head, trying to get rid of all of these conflicting thoughts. “This isn’t real, Edward. You’re not in the fucking mob.”

            “Bella, I _am_ the fucking mob.”

            My hands start to shake and my vision blurs. Every off moment flashes before my eyes. Edward’s harsh words that scared off the girl at the police banquet, his tense stance whenever we’re in a large crowd during the meet and greets, all of the little warnings he gave me about him not being good for me.

_Oh, my God._

            I push away from the table and back away from Edward.

            “You don’t . . . you don’t have to be scared of me, Bella.” Edward whispers, the hurt evident on his face.

            “I don’t have to be scared of you? You just told me you were the fucking mob Edward! What am I supposed to do with that?”

            Tears escape my eyes, but I don’t care. My heart is racing and my mind is blurry. “I told you _everything_. From the very beginning I told you everything about me. I told you things that . . . fuck that no one knows! God, I’m a fucking idiot!” I scream. I wish I had something to throw at him.

            “You’re not an idiot, Bella, I just couldn’t say anything. The more you know, the more danger you’re in.”

            I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this angry. My heart is pounding and my hands are shaking. I pace the room, hoping that might calm me down a little bit. “What do you do?”

            Edward looks confused. _Join the fucking club_. “What do I do?”

             “I know better than to think the actual mob is like what the movies depict. So, what do you do?”

            Maybe it’s not that bad. Maybe I’m building up this elaborate scheme in my head and all of this fighting will be for nothing.

            Edward looks at me for a few moments, obviously uncomfortable. “The less you know . . .”

            “Cut the bullshit. Jesus, do you think I’m gonna go to the cops or something?”

            Edward sighs and thinks for a few more moments before he speaks again. “We deal with weapon and drug trafficking. We have our hands in basically every underground dealing in Chicago, as well as associates in New York and, of course, Ireland.”

            I don’t want to ask my next question, because I’m afraid I already know the answer. And I know, if I’m right, it’s going to break me. “Have you ever killed anyone?”

            Edward doesn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

            The bile rises in my throat, and I barely make it to the bathroom before the contents of my stomach are spewing out of me. Eventually I’m left dry-heaving as tears roll down my cheeks. _How did this happen?_

            “ _Bella_ ,” Edward whispers, mostly to himself I think, and rests a hand on my back.

            I flinch away and move so my back is against the wall. “Don’t touch me.”

            For the first time since I’ve known him, Edward looks completely and utterly defeated.

Helpless.  

Hopeless.

            “Why would you do this to me?” I ask him through my tears. “Why would you be so _good_ to me? Why make me fall in love with you if it couldn’t go nowhere?” Just saying the words makes my stomach churn again, but there’s nothing left in there.

            “Bella, I –“

            “You’re a criminal, I’m sure the police would love nothing more than to lock you up. If we’re together every move you make would be scrutinized by the media, everyone would be looking for who you really are. I just, I don’t understand how . . .” my voice continues to crack, either from emotion or overuse, I’m not sure. “I don’t understand how the man who you are with me can be the same man who would do those kinds of things.”

            Edward doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing to say.

            “You could’ve told me so many times. You knew . . . you knew how Jacob lied to me and you just went and did the same thing. But it’s just so much worse this time because it’s _you_. I thought you were mine. My protector, my lover . . . my best friend.”

            “Bella, I _will_ protect you.”

            All of what little energy I had to begin with is drained from my body. “I’m so tired,” I whisper. I stumble to my feet, ignoring Edward’s outstretched hand in front of me.

            Even though all I want is to climb in bed and wrap myself around him I say, “You should probably go.” Every word feels like it’s cutting into my heart.

            Edward doesn’t look surprised though. He just nods. “There will be two men outside of your door. They . . . work for me. I’d like them to be with you at all times until –“

            “No.” He tries to interrupt me but I don’t let him. “I have as much security as I need. I don’t need them.”

            “Bella, these men know – “

            “I don’t want them.” I don’t need the constant reminder of Edward following me around.

            I walk Edward to the door, just to make sure he actually leaves. I need to think, and I can’t do that with him here. I open the door and see the two men standing on either side of the doorway. They’re huge, full of muscle, and terrifying.

            Edward stops in front of me, too close for my comfort right now. He very slowly raises a hand to my cheek. I flinch slightly at the contact, but can’t help but feel slightly comforted by it.

            He gives me a sad, hopeless smile. “You’re still my girl?”

            I pull my face out of his grasp and step back slightly. I keep my eyes down as he walks out the door. The second the door closes I whisper, “Always.”

 

~H.K.~

 

            The next morning, after getting zero sleep once Edward left, I do what any self-respecting woman would do in my situation. Turn to Google.

            I find out a lot of information I already know about Edward. He is twenty-six years old. He’s got two siblings, Emmett and Alice Cullen. His parents are Carlisle and Esme Cullen. Yada, yada, yada.

            But then I start searching through news articles. I stare at one of the titles, my cursor hovering over the link to one of the more recent articles. It was published a month before I met Edward.  

_Edward Cullen, son of crime boss Carlisle Cullen, has been taken in for questioning regarding the disappearance of Marcus Volturi. Cullen was brought in by officers late on the night of the twelfth. In a briefing by Chief Webber the next morning, it is clear that Cullen was the prime suspect in the case. However, Cullen was seen leaving the precinct just hours after he was brought in._

_Many believe Cullen to be responsible for the recent pile up of disappearances including Marcus Volturi, Marco Giovanni, and Luca Giovanni._

            I slam my laptop shut before I can read anymore.

            Could Edward have done that? Is he really responsible for those deaths, and who knows how many others?

            I can’t connect the man who comforted me as I cried about my family to the man in that article.

            I don’t understand, I don’t understand anything anymore.

 

~H.K.~

 

            It’s been two days. Two days obsessing over every interaction I ever had with Edward. Yes, there were little signs that seem obvious now, but to anyone else they are just minor details that would usually be nothing.

            Kate sets a plate of food in front of me, but I quickly push it away.

            “Bella, you haven’t eaten in two days. _Eat_.”

            “I’m not hungry.” I say petulantly. Although, I didn’t realize it had been two days since I had eaten anything. I’ve just been distracted. I’ll eat something after the show.

            My phone beeps, making me forget about my food problems.

            **Are you okay?**

Edward. I want to reply that no, I am not okay. Nothing about this is okay.

            I’m in love with a man who has probably murdered tens, maybe even hundreds, of people. But, do I still love him? _Can_ I still love him? Is it possible for us to get through this?

            _I don’t know._

            It’s the best response I can come up with, because it’s true. I don’t know if I’m okay. I don’t know what I’m doing.  

            I get up to get ready for the show, but the room suddenly feels like it is spinning around me. I hold my arms out to steady myself, and take a few steps forward. My legs give out from under me and the last thing I hear is Kate shouting my name.

           

**~H.K.~**

 

_I run away when things are good, and never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me in ways that no one ever could. And so it seems I broke your heart, my ignorance has struck again. I failed to see it from the start and tore you open ‘til the end. ~ Halsey, **Sorry**_

           

**_EPOV_ **

 

            It’s two in the fucking morning when my phone rings. I contemplate ignoring it for a few moments, in no mood to deal with whoever is on the other side. I’ve never been a patient man, except where Bella is concerned, but I’ve been even more irritable the last few weeks.

            Bella is miserable. She tries to hide it, but I can tell. I know it’s not her calling me because she can hardly even talk, her doctor has her on vocal rest any time she’s not working. It kills me that I haven’t had time to visit her, but shit hit the fan in the worst way after her impromptu birthday visit. 

            I haven’t told my parents about her. Carlisle wouldn’t think she was the kind of woman I should be with, not that I care about his opinion on the matter. I’m just trying to save myself the headache that I know will come with that discussion.

            Emmett and Jasper like Bella, which helps. But they still keep warning me about how this could backfire in a major way.

            I’m being stupid, I know. I have been thinking we can keep our relationship secret long enough for me to come up with a plan. I still have absolutely zero progress on a plan that would make it safe, or even fucking possible, for us to be together permanently.

            She’s one of the most successful actress in the world. She’s in the spotlight more often than she has time to herself. Add myself into that equation and the police will have me in cuffs in a matter of days. It’s not like I’m sloppy at my job or anything, I’m the best at what we do, but they just need a little scrap of information for them to try to take me down.

            But, fuck, I love her. She’s talented, as is evidenced by the Academy Award she won when she was still a teenager. She’s kind to every single person she meets. I’ve never met someone so patient. Seeing her get on her knees to greet tiny little fans or someone so overcome with emotion at just seeing her is enough to tug at my own frozen heart. And she’s so goddamn beautiful.

            She’s the most magnificent woman I’ll ever know, I’m sure of it.

            My phone starts ringing again so I sit up in bed and finally answer. “What?”

            “We’ve got an issue. Get to mom and dads. Now.” Emmett doesn’t wait for me to respond before he hangs up. Great.

            When I pull up to my parents’ home I can tell that something isn’t right. If this was strictly work related we wouldn’t be doing it here.

            The second I enter the house I can hear the fighting.

            “She’s not our responsibility, Emmett. We’re not doing anything about it.”

            “Fuck, Carlisle, we can’t not do anything!”

            “Who’s not our responsibility?” I ask as I enter the formal dining room. I’m surprised to see Esme and Alice here, as well as dad, Emmett, and Jasper.

            Jasper, though not a Cullen by blood, was an associate of ours when he met Alice. Thankfully Carlisle liked him enough to approve of their marriage and bring him up in the ranks.

            “Do you want to tell me about this, Edward?” Carlisle pushes a large black and white photo at me of Bella walking into an arena with Kate by her side. Shit, shit, _shit_.

            “Where did you get this?”

            Carlisle ignores me and continues his tirade. “What have you done, Edward?”

            “She’s my girl, okay? We’ve been seeing each other for four months. Now tell me how you got this fucking picture!” I shout back.

            “Aro stopped by to say hello to your mother and I while we were having dinner tonight, and mentioned that he heard you’d finally found a girl. Then, a few hours later, this shows up on our front porch. Stop avoiding my questions and tell me what the fuck is going on here.”

            “She’s the actress that was seated with us at the police benefit in June. We’ve been together since then. We’ve kept the relationship a secret for obvious reasons. She showed up at my place unexpectedly a few weeks ago, while I was meeting with some suppliers. One of them must be in with Volturi.”

            I can feel the fury rolling off of Carlisle. He’s pissed, which is understandable, but he can’t hold a candle toward the anger I’m feeling toward Aro. Women and children are always kept out of our dealings. It’s an underhanded move, going after Bella to rile us up.

            “We ignore this. We’re not going to let him force us into retaliating.”

            “Like hell we will. We’re not ignoring this, it’s a direct threat against her!” I shout.

            “She’s just a girl you’ve been fucking for a few months. We’re not letting her start a war.”

            I’m dangerously close to punching my father. The second his words are out of his mouth I’m in front of him yelling, “Don’t you _fucking_ dare talk about her like that!”

            “You’ve gotten sloppy. You fucked up. I’m not going to fix your problem.”

            “I’ve never needed you to fix my problems.” I grab the picture off of the table and leave before I do something I’d regret, like shooting something. Or someone.

            It surprises me when Emmett and Jasper follow me. When we get outside Emmett puts one of his beefy hands on my shoulder.

            “Let us know what you need,” is all he says before I slam my car door shut. I’ll have my brothers on my side. Together we’ll take down Volturi before he has a chance to hurt Bella.

            We have to.

 

~H.K.~

 

            The only sleep I’ve gotten tonight is the half hour before my call from Emmett. As soon as I got home I went straight to my office. I made a few calls and found out who my snitch was the night Bella showed up, James Hunter.

            He’s a middle man involved in some of our heavier drug supply chains. It’ll be a pain to replace him, but he’s over.

            I have Emmett and Jasper tracking him down. He’ll be tied up in an abandoned warehouse within two hours. Once I know the extent of his knowledge I’ll be gladly ending him.

            I look at the clock, surprised to see it’s already one in the afternoon. Bella should be in her dressing room by now. She’s somewhere in Florida today.

**How are you feeling?**

            It doesn’t take her long to reply to my text. _Okay. Voice should be fine for the show tonight._

            I can tell she’s getting too run down. If it were up to me I’d have her cancel the rest of the tour and just relax for a while, but I know she would never do that. Hell, if it were up to me she would never have to work a day in her life again. I can take care of her.

            But she loves her job, and she’s damn good at it. I just wish she could do it at her level and still get a moment to herself sometimes.

            Before I can reply to her, she sends me another message.

_I really, really miss you._

            **Fuck, I miss you too. Let me know how the show goes.**

            The only thing keeping me from getting on my plane and heading to Florida is Hunter. I need to know what he’s told Volturi.

            I get a little more mundane work done for my more legal business dealings before Emmett calls and tells me they’ve got Hunter. _Now, the fun begins_.

 

~H.K.~

 

 “What’s your plan?” Jasper asks from the seat next to me. Emmett is in his Jeep, but he’ll meet us back at my penthouse to regroup.

“I’m taking Ben and Eric to Florida, they’re going to be covering Bella.”

 _That fucker James_.

I knew he had told Aro about Bella, of course. But James was also part of Aro’s plan. James is one of the true scumbags of the world, and has a lot of contacts on the dark side of things. He and Aro put out a fucking hit on my girl. Worth $30 million.

Biggest goddamn hit I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen quite a few.

Aro has been itching for a fight for a long time, we’ve known this for a while. Unfortunately, Bella showing up at my apartment gave him the ammunition he needed to provoke said war.

Aro wants a war. And I’m going to give him one. As soon as I make sure Bella is safe.

 

~H.K.~

 

Nurses look at me with confused glares as I stride through the hospital. I ignore every _Do Not Enter_ or _Employees Only_ sign. Hospital security can arrest me, I don’t care.

“417, 417,” I repeat her room number over and over until I’m standing outside of room 417.

It’s only been two days since I saw her, but it seems like an eternity. She didn’t handle the news about my family well, not that I expected her to. I lied. I manipulated. It’s what I do best, but I never did it maliciously to Bella.

Given her history of people lying and deceiving her, I understand why she’s so hurt. But it doesn’t make my own pain and guilt any easier to manage.

I fucked up. I hurt her. But I’m going to do everything I can to make it right.

I see Ben and Eric wandering around Bella’s floor, and give them each a small nod as I pass. Bella doesn’t know they’ve been following her, as closely as they can, since I left her room that night. I would have preferred them to have better access to her, but there’s no way I would ever leave her unprotected.

I take a deep breath and then knock softly on the door. There’s no answer, so I assume she’s sleeping.

I enter the room quietly. Bella is asleep on the bed, hooked up to various machines and an IV. Kate is asleep in the chair next to her.

I can’t stay with her long, I have shit to take care of in Chicago, but I needed to see her. I had to make sure she was okay.

Ben called me after Bella was taken to the hospital in an ambulance two hours before a show. From what he had heard around the arena, she collapsed in her dressing room.

Once they got to the hospital they found her file and discovered she was suffering from exhaustion. The doctors here had her on an IV drip and wanted to observe her for a day to make sure she got back to her usual strength.

I don’t like the thought of her in the hospital. It’s too open, too public. But I need her healthy.

Her skin is soft as ever as I cup her cheek. I give myself a few seconds to look at her, to memorize every inch of her beautiful face, because I don’t know when the next time I’ll see her is. I don’t know if she’ll ever want to see me again.

I know I shouldn’t have come here, I just needed to see with my own eyes that she was okay.

I lean down and give her a soft kiss on her forehead, and whisper the only words that get me through each day. “I love you.”


	8. Strangers

_When I wake up all alone and I’m thinking of your skin, I remember, I remember what you told me. Said that we’re not lovers, we’re just strangers. With the same damn hunger, to be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all. ~ Halsey, **Strangers**_

           

~H.K.~

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, Bella Swan!” Jimmy Fallon shouts and I stride across the stage toward him. I give him a short hug before I take my seat next to him.

“Wow. Just wow. You’ve had quite a year, huh?” he asks me with a smile on his face.

Oh, Jimmy, if only you knew.

“Yeah, it’s been a little crazy!” I say with a smile. “The tour has been insane, but in the best way possible. Meeting people and hearing their stories about how they relate to the songs I wrote is unforgettable.”

“That’s gotta be a cool feeling. And now you’re done, right? Tour’s over?”

“Yes, so I can finally talk again!”

“Yeah, yeah, you were having some vocal issues towards the end, right?”

I nod, still keeping my smile on my face even though it feels completely unnatural. “I was having a lot of issues. I’m not a trained vocalist or anything you know, I just kind of made this whole thing happen on a whim. My voice was just about as exhausted as I was by the end of the tour. Thankfully we got through it though. We just did the last show at Madison Square Garden last night and that was just… unreal.”

“And that’s your first tour! Artists work for years hoping to headline that place, and you did it in a year. Incredible.”

I blush at his compliment. I never really thought about it like that, but I suppose it was a pretty big deal.

“Now you’re about to head out and promote the last _Tainted_ movie. You’ve been doing those films for four years, are you sad to see them end?”

  “Oh, I’m so sad that it’s over. That cast became my family. That was the first movie I ever filmed, so I feel like they’re kind of my safe place, you know? I always knew, no matter what happened between those shoots, that we were going to work together again. And now I don’t have that.

“I feel like I’m kind of graduating, though. I never went to college so I feel like this is my moment when I’m forced into the real world,” I laugh.

“Well, the movie is just going to be insane. Fans are camping out to see it, people are predicting ridiculous opening weekend numbers, just insane.”

“Ugh, I don’t even like to think about that. It’s way too stressful!”

“Well, thanks so much for coming out to see us Bella, you can catch her in the final Tainted movie in theaters this November!”

“Cut!”

I let out a deep breath and can finally let the fake smile fall from my lips. The press tour has just begun and I’m already tired of interviews.

“Thanks, Jimmy,” I tell him with a real smile. He’s always been very kind to me. He was one of my first late night interviews years ago and I was a mess beforehand. He came into my dressing room and talked with me for a few minutes to calm me down. Ever since then, I’ve always been comfortable on his show.

“Thanks for coming, kid. The movie is going to be great,” he gives me a genuine smile of his own and I’m ushered off stage to my dressing room.

That means I actually have to make up my mind. _Do I go to Alice’s party, or wimp out?_

I want to go. I want to see Alice and give her the signed letter from Jennifer Aniston that I know she’ll love. But I know that’s not the main reason I want to go.

I want to see Edward. I _need_ to see him.

I don’t know what I’ll do or say if I see him, but I’ve just had this hole in my chest from the moment he left my Florida hotel room. I’m angry and hurt and confused all of the time now. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I even upped my mood stabilizer intake myself.

I just needed something to help me get through this press tour.

“What’s the verdict?” Kate asks me as I sit in my dressing room.

_What do I do, what do I do?_

Alice called me a few days ago, and I told her I would try my best to be there. My Fallon interview was just a few hours before her party so I had an easy out if I didn’t want to go.

But I do want to go.

“I’m going.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? I don’t know what happened with you and Edward, but –“

“It’ll be fine. I should go for Alice.”

I know I’m not going for Alice though, and so does Kate.

 

~H.K.~

 

My car pulls up outside of the bar Alice is having her party in. She told me this is her favorite place in the city. It’s an Irish bar that apparently a relative of hers owns. I thought it was nice the first time I heard about it, but now I wonder if the bar is a front for some other kind of business. What was it that Edward said they were in? Drug and weapon trafficking?

Lovely.

There are a few paparazzi who followed me here, but not enough to really cause that big of a commotion. Flashes light up the night sky when I step out of the car though. The driver goes off in a hurry once I’m out.

“Bella, meeting some friends?”

“Bella, how was Fallon?”

“What’s the private event for?”

I give them a polite smile and wave before I escape into the bar. As much as I wish I didn’t, I immediately love the place once I’m inside. It’s got a comfortable atmosphere, and half of the people in here are speaking in heavy Irish accents. _I’m a sucker for a good accent._

Pictures and memorabilia cover the walls. I could spend hours looking at each one and still not be done. Televisions hang in various spots on the walls, and tables are scattered around a small dance area.

While I love the place, I’m surprised it’s Alice’s favorite spot in the city. I always pictured her as loving the finer things in life, not this little Irish bar. I guess it’s just another check in the _family business_ box. 

I think the party officially started about an hour ago, but it looks like everyone is still having a good time. I see a table full of gifts and quickly drop my envelop on top.

“Bella, you made it!” Alice screams from across the room. I may be imagining it, but it seems like every head turns my direction when she does. I can’t help but smile though.

Alice and I bonded a lot when she stayed with me after Edward left Los Angeles. She seemed loud and pushy when I first met her, but she does calm down after a while. We talked about clothes, a favorite of hers, and relationships and life. It was nice to have someone to talk to that I knew wouldn’t become an “anonymous source” in some tabloid.

I love the friends I’ve made through my job, but no matter what there is always a seed of doubt about them. I’m sure they feel the same way about me.

“Hey,” I smile at her. She rushes over and gives me a quick hug before observing my clothes. I didn’t bother changing out of my Fallon outfit; a pair of dark grey sequin shorts over a pair of black tights, with a lacy black corset-like top tucked into them.

“You look amazing, of course.”

“Thank you, as do you,” and she does. She’s got a crazy birthday hat stuck on her head and a beautiful shimmery gold dress on. She looks gorgeous and happy.

Alice tugs me over to a couple open stools at the bar and orders us both a fruity drink. “So, how have you been?”

I try not to roll my eyes and take out my frustrations on Alice, so I take a deep breath before answering. “Not good.”

“I don’t know all of the details about what happened between you and Edward. He won’t really talk about it, but I will tell you this: you should let his guys protect you, Bella.”

“I’m not here to think about that. I’m here for you,” I can feel my anger and hurt boiling up the more I think about the whole situation, so I know I need to change the subject quickly.

Thankfully our drinks arrive then and I hold mine up to toast to Alice. “Happy birthday,” we tap our glasses together, but then something shiny catches Alice’s eye and she’s skipping away.

I push the fruity drink away from me in disgust. I’m glad Alice left and I don’t have to pretend to like it. 

“Hey, isn’t that you?” someone asks from next to me. I look over and see a man with short cropped hair and muscles that could rival Emmett’s. He’s pointing to one of the televisions on the wall that’s playing my segment on Fallon. _Great_.

“Uh, yeah, that’s me.”

I move to slide off of the stool, but he grabs my arm. “Can I get a picture with you?”

His grip on my arm tightens as I try to pull away from him. “Not tonight, sorry.”

“C’mon, please?”

“You don’t even know who I am,” I would gladly spend hours taking pictures with fans. I always try to be welcoming to them if I see them in public, but this jackass had no idea who I was. He just knew I was on Fallon and wanted a picture to prove to his friends that he met a celebrity.

He rolls his eyes and mutters “Fuck you” under his breath.

I lose it.

“Yeah, fuck you, too, buddy,” I’ve shocked him enough for him to release my arm. Before he can retaliate, a long arm wraps around my waist.

“Is there a problem?” _Edward_.

I hate the instant relief I feel the second he’s next to me. It’s like all of the anger and sadness from the last couple weeks never happened.

            “Uh, no. Not at all. I’m sorry.” The jackass scurries away like a dog with its tail between its legs.

            I look up at Edward, intending to tell him I could’ve handled the situation myself, but the second I see his face no words come out. It’s like I’m back in that hotel room losing him all over again. _I can’t handle this_.

            “Come with me,” Edward’s voice is hard and final. He leads me to the back of the bar and toward the women’s restroom.

            Thankfully it’s empty, and I hear Edward click the lock on the door in place.

            Everything from the past few weeks bubbles up inside of me and it feels like I can’t breathe. Every horrible headline I read about Edward pops into my head, the names of people he’s supposedly killed run through my mind like the end credits of a movie.

            How can I love this man? How can I still want him so much after what I know?

            I stumble over to the counter and rifle through my clutch, searching for my bottle of pills. It’s empty when I finally find it, and I throw it and my clutch into the sink next to me.

            Edward approaches me then, and I can see his reflection in the mirror as he grabs the bottle out of the sink and reads it.

            “You only take these in the morning,” he says simply. He grabs my shoulders, almost roughly, and spins me around to face him. His hands cup my face and he studies my eyes. “Are you fucking _high_?”

            I push his hands away angrily. “No, I’m not fucking high. I’ve just needed _something_ to make this pit inside me go away! Because I can’t do interview after interview talking about how happy I am about this movie or the tour when I feel like this!”

            “Like what?”

            “Like my whole world is falling apart! And the only person I want to talk to about it is you but you’re gone!” Tears start to stream down my face and my legs give out beneath me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I’m thankful that this is the cleanest bar bathroom I’ve ever been in. _Thank you, Alice._

            “I’m not gone, Bella. I’m right here,” Edward kneels in front of me and takes one of my hands in his. He places it lightly on his chest, over his heart. “I’m right here.”

            “But I shouldn’t want you anymore.” I sob. “I shouldn’t still love you after what I know.”

            Edward lifts me easily off of the floor and sets me on the counter. He grabs a few paper towels from the dispenser and carefully wipes the tears off of my face. The care he puts into his movements, and the gentleness of his hands only makes me cry more though.

            “You’re right.” Edward says, standing comfortably between my legs. “I’m not a good man, Bella. I’ve killed people. I happily killed the man who outed you to Volturi, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat if it meant keeping you safe.

            “But, you have to understand, Bella, that we’re not just going around causing mayhem. I killed Hunter because he betrayed my family. If protecting what I love means I have to get my hands dirty, then so be it.”

My tears have finally slowed and I look up at him. His eyes meet mine and I can see the truth behind his words.

“Give me tonight. Give me tonight to prove to you that I’m still the man you thought I was.”

“We shouldn’t…”

“You’ve spent years doing what you were told. Your entire life is planned for you. You hate it, I know you do. But tonight, you’re not going to be Bella Swan, Academy Award winning actress. You’re just going to be Bella. My girl.”

God, that sounds amazing. “What would we do?”

Edward’s smile is blinding. “Whatever the fuck we want. We’ll get the most expensive hotel suite and trash it. Or we could go to a movie theater and make out in the back if you want. We’ll do whatever _we_ want, not what everyone else wants us to do. What do you say, baby?”

Kate will kill me. Then Heidi will bring me back to life just so she can kill me herself. Especially if word about this gets out. But do I care?

“A hotel suite sounds nice,” I whisper as if someone else could hear me.

Edward’s smile takes up his whole face and he lifts me off the counter into his arms. My own wrap around him and I can’t help my laughter from boiling over.

I slide down Edward’s body to my feet. Edwards hands cradle my face and his lips meet mine. We both groan the second they make contact. The kiss is quickly full of dueling tongues and biting teeth. _Yes, a hotel suite is a good choice._

Edward breaks our kiss and looks at me with a boyish excitement in his eyes. “Wait in here for five minutes and then come out. I’ll have the car waiting.”

I nod, and Edward rushes out of the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror, and I look happier and healthier than I have in weeks. I pull out the pins holding my hair up in a braided contraption and fluff my hair out a bit. I grab my clutch and the contents that fell into the sink, and throw away the empty pill bottle.

After I check the time on my phone I take a deep breath before I leave the bathroom quickly. I push my way through the crowd as inconspicuously as possible and manage to get to the front without any incidents.

I can vaguely see Edward through the tinted window of a sleek, black car sitting out front. I quickly slide in, but he’s on the phone.

“Yes, the presidential suite. I’m aware of how expensive it is. We’ll be there within the hour.”

“Where are we going?” I ask him as soon as he’s off the phone.

Edward takes my hand in his and brings our joined hands to his lips. “The Four Seasons.”

We don’t talk much on the drive. Edward watches the road and I watch him. It’s peaceful.

It’s nearing nine o’clock when we pull up to the extravagant hotel. Edward gets out of the car to check in, and I happily follow after him. When I slip my hand in his, his smile is unmistakable.

There are no paparazzi around, and just a few people milling around the lobby, but it’s still a pretty big step for us.

Edward talks with the concierge and gets us checked in. When they tell Edward the total to book the room, I burst into a fit of laughter. _Jesus, that’s nearly as much as my car cost._ But, it does fit our theme for the night.

Edward talks with them for a few more moments, but I tune out the conversation. I take in the beautiful lobby, and watch as a few people seem to do a double take as I stand there. I just smile at them.

Edward wraps an arm around my shoulders and tugs me away from the counter. He presses a kiss to my temple and leads me to the elevator.

The moment the elevator doors close Edward has me pressed against the back wall, his lips devouring my own. His hands wander all over my body, and I can tell he’s frustrated that my clothing is in the way.

The elevator doors open to a single door in front of us. The suite is… luxurious. Extravagant. Perfect.

“I’m fucking starving,” I blurt out. I feel like I haven’t eaten in days. I probably haven’t, now that I think about it.

Edward sits on the plush couch in the center of the room and grabs the room service book. “What would you like?”

I sit next to him and lean my head on his shoulder as he flips through the menu. “A big, greasy burger. No, a steak. Oh, maybe – “

Edward leans down and gives me a quick peck on the lips. “Fuck, you’re adorable.”

“A burger. With fries.” I decide. “Oh, and a milkshake!”

Edward takes his phone out of his pocket and stands. “Burger it is, then. You decide what kind of debauchery we’re getting into while I order.”

He leaves the room to order quietly, and I look around. I see a phone jack in the wall and fish my phone out of my purse. I scroll through my various playlists before I find the perfect one. The second I click play, music starts playing around the whole suite in perfect surround sound.

I look around at the furniture surrounding me, but it seems to stuffy for us. Too formal. An idea pops into my head and I start to rearrange the furniture for my needs.

Edward comes back in and sees me trying, and failing, to push one of the couches across the room. “What are you trying to do?” he asks me with a smile.

“I’m rearranging the furniture,” I grunt out, pushing the couch the last few inches I need. “So, we can make a fort.”

Edward’s eyebrows shoot up and his eyes sparkle with mischief. “You want to make a fort?”

“Yes.”

And so we do. During the next half hour before our food arrives we place the couches and tables strategically around the large, main room. I leave Edward in charge of moving the furniture while I round up every sheet, blanket, and pillow in the place.

We use lamps to prop the sheets up, and cover the floor in the large comforter from the king size bed.

“I have to say, this is one of my better forts,” I say once we’re finally finished.

“You’re an avid fort-maker then?” Edward asks me with a chuckle.

“It’s my true passion.” I deadpan.

There’s a knock at the front door and my face lights up with excitement. “Food!”

Edward gets the food while I put the finishing touches on our fort. About a minute later Edward wheels in two carts full of food. Burgers, steaks, deserts, and champagne piled on top of too many other snacks.

“What did you do?” I ask him, my eyes wide. There’s no way we can eat all of this.

Edward just shrugs. “Now we have options.”

We set ourselves up in our fort, surrounded by enough food to feed twenty. While we eat we talk about all of our favorite foods and restaurants. Edward tells me he actually owns a few restaurants in Chicago, a steakhouse and an Irish pub, much like the one Alice had her party in tonight. He promises to take me to both.

Once we’ve gorged ourselves we get rid of the rest of the food and pop open the champagne.

“I got us the most expensive bottle they had,” Edward tells me with a smirk. He shakes it before he pops it open, so the bubbly liquid ends up covering us both. I should care that the four thousand dollar shorts I am wearing are now ruined, but I don’t.

We don’t bother with glasses, simply alternating sips from the bottle. I tell Edward about growing up in Forks, and about my family.

“Jane and I were never as close as most sisters are. She’s only four years older than me, but we never talked about boys or shared clothes or anything like that. I guess she was always closer to my mom, and I was always closer to dad. I just… I don’t think I ever really fit with them.”

Edward gives me a sad smile, but it’s not a pity smile.  Our empty bottle of champagne is forgotten next to us, and he pulls me into his lap. “You fit with me.”

My heart swells and my lips attack him. We’re both sticky from the champagne, but it leaves a lingering sweetness on Edward’s skin that I can’t wait to lick off.

            I ground my hips into his and Edward lets out a loud groan. My hands claw at his button-down shirt until they’re free to roam across his chest.

My lips take their time roaming his neck and chest. Edward’s head falls back, his eyes closed. “Say it.”

His heavy eyes open and look at me in confusion. “Say what?”

“That you love me.”

Edward is the picture of relaxed when he lets the words fall from his lips. “I love you. So fucking much it hurts.”

It puts me into a frenzy. My lips devour his and my nails claw at his skin as if I can’t get close enough to him.

Edward maneuvers us out of our fort. My legs wrap around his hips as he stands, unwilling to separate from him. He makes his way around the mess we made, through the bedroom, and to the adjoining bathroom.

It’s covered in marble and fabulous amenities that, on any other day, I would love to play with, but not right now. Right now, all I can see is the glorious man in front of me.

Edward sets me down on the large counter, and lets his hands roam along every crevice of my body that my clothing allows. My shirt is quickly flown over my shoulders, and Edward wastes no time in attaching his lips to my breasts. He takes his time, giving each ample attention, peppering kisses along every inch of skin he can reach.

I slide myself off of the counter and walk over to the massive shower and turn it on. Edward’s arms wrap around me from behind, like the thirty seconds it took me to start the shower were too long for us to be separated.

With all of our clothing shed, we stumble into the shower. Despite our frantic start, our shower is filled with languid hands and deep kisses, nothing too frenzied. Edward’s fingers roam every inch of my body, and I don’t know if I’ve ever _needed_ anything like I need him right now.

Edward senses my new urgency and quickly turns off the shower. He lifts me into his arms, bridal style, and carries me back into the living room, bypassing the bed we tore apart to make our spot in the other room.

Edward lays me down in the middle of the floor. We’re in our own little world in this fort, covered in blankets and pillows where no one can hurt us. It’s dark and cozy and perfect. Just him and I.

With no preamble, Edward quickly spreads my legs and dives into me. _Literally_. He consumes me in every way possible. His tongue laps at the wetness that our erotic shower left me with. Two of his fingers work me over along with his tongue while his other hand plays with my clit.

Edward lifts his head from between my thighs for a few moments just to grunt out, “You taste better than any fucking five thousand dollar bottle of champagne,” before he resumes his beautiful torture.

He flips us over, his face still buried at the juncture of my thighs, but I freeze. “Move those beautiful hips, baby. Just like when you ride my cock.”

“F-fuck,” I stutter, but do as I’m told because nothing is sexier than the dirty words that come out of Edward’s mouth. My hips grind against his face and it only takes a few more seconds before I come, Edward’s name falling off of my lips.

My whole body is still convulsing when Edward flips me onto my stomach. My hands grip the blankets covering the floor as Edward’s lean, hard body covers mine. He pulls my hair away from my damp neck, gathering it on one side. His lips find their spot on my neck as he aligns himself at my entrance.

He pauses though, just gliding his cock against my swollen lips, coating it in my wetness. His hands palm my ass, squeezing and rubbing whatever skin they can reach. _I can’t take it_.

“ _Please_ , Edward,” I grunt out, turning my head towards his. Our lips meet just as he slides the head of his cock inside. “More.”

Edward begins fast, sharp thrusts. He pins my torso to the ground with his weight, but manages to squeeze one of his hands underneath me to fondle one of my breasts.

“You’re mine,” he pants out between thrusts. “No matter what, you’re mine.”

“Your girl,” I mumble quietly. Edward lets out a loud groan and his thrusts increase in tempo.

My orgasm takes over my entire body; my hands clench the blankets until my knuckles are white, my hips try to meet each of Edwards thrusts from behind me, and Edward’s name escapes my lips like a mantra. Feeling Edward come inside of me only prolongs the pleasure.

Edward collapses next to me, but I’m still unable to move at all. My heart is pounding in my chest and my entire body feels like jello.

Thirty minutes later, after we’ve both recovered, Edward sits with his back resting against one of the couches and me in his lap, my back to his chest. We’ve fallen into an odd, twenty questions like game.

“Favorite subject in school?” Edward asks me.

“I guess English. As dorky as it sounds, I loved writing research papers. Favorite… song?” I ask him. We talk a lot about my music, but I don’t know if I’ve ever taken a look at his personal taste in music before.

“Hmm. There’s this unreleased track by – “

“Excluding that one.”

“Nope. That’s my favorite.”

We don’t sleep at all. We spend the night learning every detail about each other, big and small. Around three in the morning Edward orders us some more food to sustain ourselves. We sit at the glass table near the kitchen, wrapped in blankets, and eat our second round of overpriced food.

“Do you like what you do?” I ask Edward.

He freezes like a deer in headlights, and looks at me with confused eyes. “I’m not saying this to try and trick you or anything. I’m just curious… are you happy?”

Edward takes a deep breath before he replies. “It’s all about strategy. I like looking at every possible angle and looking for ways to make sure we stay on top. It’s manipulative and underhanded sometimes, but it’s a challenge.”

“I get it. We’re in completely different circumstances, but everyone used to think I was crazy to get into acting. But sometimes it’s just hard to understand why someone enjoys the things they do.”

Edward can tell. He can tell I’m trying to rationalize his job in my mind. Make it so I don’t see lists of dead peoples’ names in my head every day.

The rest of our night is perfect. My blanket slipped down my shoulders while I was eating and led to Edward bending me over the table and fucking me until I couldn’t stand on my own. We sat in the tub and Edward told me about his actual music taste, which made me happy. We go back to our fort and Edward spends hours worshiping my body until the sun starts to lighten the room outside of our blankets.

Edward has just fallen asleep, his arms holding me tightly to him, when there are three harsh knocks on the door. I extract myself from his arms, and he doesn’t stir.

I wrap one of the robes we found after our bath around me and look through the peep hole.

 _Shit_.


	9. Lie

_Breakfast is cold, as cold as our bed. I’m watching you choke down the words that you said. I watch you devour, mistake me for bread. Well boy, is you fed, or are you misled? I gave you the messiest head, you give me the messiest head. Oh, you’re turnin’ red ‘cause I’m tryna give the impression that I get the message you wish I was_ dead _. ~ Halsey, **Lie**_

 

~H.K.~

 

            _Shit_. Carlisle Cullen. Outside our door. Not good.

            I stare at him through the peep hole, hoping my eyes are playing tricks on me. I know they’re not, though.

I hear faint snores coming from Edward in the other room, and I desperately want to hold on to our perfect night for as long as I can.

Carlisle knocks again, though, and I know I can’t ignore reality any longer. I slowly open the door and try not to take the look of disgust on Carlisle’s face personally.

“Hello, Mr. Cullen,” I whisper.

“Is my son here?” he asks impatiently.

“He’s asleep.”

“Good. I’d like to talk to you,” he doesn’t wait for an invitation in, he simply pushes past me and walks past the destroyed living room into a side office. I follow him silently.

Carlisle sits behind the desk in the small room, and it irritates me. It’s like he feels like he is in charge here. If there’s one thing that irks me to no end, it is people who feel entitled to everything, just because of their name or their wealth.

“What did you want to talk about?” I ask him. I stay by the door, leaning against the door jam. Something about this man makes me think I should have an easy way out if needed.

“Your relationship with my son.”

Immediately, every muscle in my body tenses. I’m not going to let him take Edward away from me.

“What about it?”

            Carlisle sighs and sits back in the office chair. “I assume he’s told you about our… business?”

            I lock eyes with him, his deep blue eyes cold and harsh. My face remains neutral and my voice even as I respond. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

            “Ah, you are an exceptional actress, Isabella. But there’s no need to lie.”

            “What do you want?” I snap. I’m tired of his games.

            “I’m here to make sure you understand what you’ve gotten yourself into.” Carlisle sits up and folds his hands on the desk. There’s a disconcerting smirk on his face. “We are the biggest crime family in the United States. We can make people disappear at the drop of a hat. Even people as well-known as yourself.”

            Despite the direct threat, I keep my face neutral. I stare into Carlisle’s cold eyes unblinking.

            “Edward is groomed to take over for me, so you’ll understand why I need him to be focused right now. You, my dear, make him reckless. You make him forget what he’s worked for the last fifteen years of his life.”

            “Jesus, you made him start… _this_ at eleven?” God, he never even got to be a kid then. His whole life has been about money and drugs and fighting for his life.

            “It’s the family business.” Carlisle shrugs, as if it’s normal to start your kids working before they’re even a teenager. “Don’t think that Edward doesn’t enjoy his job, he does. He was all too happy to kill the man who told Volturi about you. Of course, that was after he spent four hours torturing him for information.”

            My face loses its composure for just a second, but I know Carlisle notices. My arms wrap around my waist and one hand reaches up to rub my neck. The neck where the lips of a murderer love to be.

            _No_. He’s trying to scare me into leaving. I’m not going to let him intimidate me.

            “Now, for the reason for my visit. I need to know, darling Isabella, what it will take for you to leave.”

            “What it’ll take for me to leave?”

            Carlisle looks frustrated, his cool composure slowly slipping away. “How much money do you want, Isabella?”

            My anger flares and I forget I’m talking to a man who, just moments ago, said he would have no trouble making me disappear. “I don’t want your fucking money. I don’t want anything to do with the family business. I just want Edward.”

            “Whether you like it or not, Edward _is_ the family business. I’m not going to have you ruining the family name.” Carlisle runs his hands through his hair, much like Edward does when he’s stressed, and thinks for a moment. “You love him, yes?”

            My voice is strong and clear. “Yes.”

            “Then you’ll leave him. Because the longer you let this go on, the more danger you’re both in.”

            _Both?_ I know Edward said someone was after me, but I really haven’t thought much of it. It’s been weeks and nothing has happened. But being with me put Edward in danger? That didn’t make any sense.

            “Ah, you haven’t thought of that, have you?” Carlisle smirks, but it is nothing like the ones I get from his son. This one is cocky and underhanded. “People in our line of work can’t afford any distractions. Edward has already made mistakes in the last few months that could have left him dead. I love my son, too, Isabella. Which is why, if you don’t leave on your own, I’ll have to take matters into my own hands.”

            Carlisle pulls a gun out from… somewhere. I don’t know. All I know is it is pointed directly at me.

            Before I can scream for Edward, a click from beside me catches my attention. There he is, clad only in his black boxer shorts from last night, but with an equally intimidating looking gun pointed directly at his father. _Shit_.

            Edward takes a few small steps and reaches an arm toward me, gently pushing me behind him. My hands rest on the bare skin of his back. I can feel his heartbeat, and I try to level my breathing with is.

            “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” Edward asks his father, the venom in his voice deadly.

            “I’m saving you from making a mistake that will affect both of us,” Carlisle spits out.

            “This is going too far, Carlisle, and you know it.”

            “Where’s your loyalty, Edward?”

            “Where’s _your_ loyalty? You come here to threaten the woman I love, and you ask me where my loyalty is? I’m your son, not another associate you can boss around.”

            Carlisle is silent for a few moments, and I wish I could see his expression. I’m too scared to move from my spot behind Edward though.

            “Fine. Don’t expect me to fix everything when this implodes.”

            I can hear Carlisle stand, and I know he’ll walk right past us to get out the door. I want to look at him as he walks past, stare into his unforgiving eyes and let him know that his words mean nothing to me; but I can’t, because they do.

            I cowardly turn my head away as he walks past. Neither of us move until we hear the door slam shut.

            “Are you okay?” Edward turns around to face me, his eyes sad with worry. His hand gently cups my face.

            I nod, but I can’t meet his eyes. I just lean my forehead against his chest.

            “What are we doing?” I ask him, my voice nothing more than a whisper.

            “Don’t worry about whatever he said to you, Bella. It’s –“

            “Are you in danger? Is being with me going to put you at risk?”

             Edward wraps his arms around my waist, hugging me to him tightly. “I’m fine, baby. You don’t need to worry about me.”

            “Is being with me going to put you in more danger than you were before?”

            Edward sighs and realizes that I’m not going to let this go. “There have been some rumblings that people are skeptical about our relationship. It’s nothing you have to worry about.”

            “But I _do_ worry. I can’t – I can’t be the reason you end up dead.” My voice barely gets the last word out. The idea of Edward no longer being alive, whether he’s with me or not, is mind numbing.

            “Everything will work out. Right now, your safety is the priority. After things calm down we can figure out how to make this work. Permanently. We just need time, Bella.”

            “Time isn’t going to change much, Edward.” I whisper.

            A ringing comes from the other room, startling us both.

            “Shit.” I rush out and fumble through our mess to find my phone. I find it thrown amongst some sheets and curse at the time. I have two hours to get to the airport.

_Please grab my stuff from my room and send a car to the Four Seasons._

            I text Kate quickly before I look for any salvageable clothing from the night before.

            Edward walks in and hands me my shorts and his white button down. “Wear this,” he tells me. His voice is wrong. Defeated.

            “What about you?” I ask him.

            He shrugs. “I’ll have someone bring me some clothes.”

            I dress quickly, ignoring the ripped tights and top that I know are in the bathroom. My feet protest when I slide on the uncomfortable heels from the night before, but I revel in the scent of Edward surrounding me when I button his shirt up around me.

            When I’m dressed I look at Edward. He’s still in just his boxers and his hair is still ruffled from our long night. His mossy eyes are tired, and he’s got a hit of stubble popping up on his chin and jawline.

            I can’t be the reason that man is taken from this earth, I just can’t. But can I also live in a world where he moves on from me? Could I handle seeing him marry another girl, one who won’t bring unwanted attention to him and his family? I don’t know.

            I throw my arms around him and hug him as tightly as I can. I breathe in his scent and commit it to my memory. _I love you, I love you, I love you_.

            Edward gently cradles my head against his chest and wraps his other arm around my waist. “Forget everything he said, Bella. It’s just you and me, remember? Hold on to that, and hold on to last night. I’ll see you in four weeks, okay?”

            Four weeks. I have four weeks of constant interviews and premieres to get through. But what happens then? Am I selfish enough to run back to Edward, even though it could hurt him in the long run?

I hate myself for not immediately shutting down the idea.

 

~H.K.~

 

            Heidi is waiting for me at my home when I get back to Los Angeles, so I know I’m going to have to explain myself now.

            Kate, thankfully, could see I was in no mood to discuss what happened last night. I’m not naïve enough to think there aren’t a dozen news stories going around about it, and I know it’s bad timing. Despite what some people say, there is such a thing as bad publicity and the studio won’t want all of the headlines for the next month to be about me running around New York City.

            Heidi has been my manager since I started. I know she’s part of the reason I am where I am today. She’s great at her job, she gets me excellent roles and appearances. But she’s been getting more and more demanding lately. I’m hoping it’ll pass.

            “Bella, what did you do?” Heidi asks the second I walk in my own home.

            “What?” I ask. I don’t want to admit to anything before I know what she knows. I guess it would’ve been a good idea to see what stories were written about last night, but I spent the whole flight sleeping. It was either sleep or cry, so I went with sleep.

            Heidi throws a few different tabloid magazines on the table and spreads them out so I can read all of the headlines.

_Bella Swan’s night out on the town!_

_Bella Swan parties in $50k NYC hotel suite._

_Bella Swan trashes one of the most expensive hotel suites in New York City._

            “I was hoping your rebellious phase would wait until after the _Tainted_ movies were over with.” Heidi fumes.

            “I’m not going through a rebellious phase, and I wouldn’t call the suite trashed.” Okay, maybe it was. But it wasn’t like we threw a party or anything. It was just us.

            Heidi just ignores me. “Who was he?”

            “What?” I look back through the magazines and sure enough, there’s a blurry picture of Edward holding my hand as we walk through the lobby of the Four Seasons. “It doesn’t matter.”

            Thankfully Kate keeps her mouth shut. She knows Edward is off limits to Heidi.

            “Bella, we need to –“

            “We don’t need to do anything. We’ll let them speculate, and we blacklist all questions about last night in every upcoming interview. That’s it.”

            “It’s not that simple, Bella.”

            “I’m making it that simple!” I shout. God, I’m so tired of people telling me what to do. First Carlisle this morning, and now Heidi. I’ve had enough of it.

 

~H.K.~

 

            I hate it when Heidi is right. Every second of the last three weeks has been spent doing interviews or in dress fittings for premieres or, if I’m lucky, getting a few hours of sleep. And, of course, in absolutely every interview I have been asked about my ‘wild night out’ in New York City.

            Every time someone brings it up I imagine myself just getting up, walking out, and getting on the first flight to Chicago. I see headlines of how I abruptly stopped acting and fell off of everyone’s radar, never to be heard from again. And I see myself waking up next to Edward every morning after that.

            But I never do it. I smile and laugh about how they know not to ask me that even though I want to scream at them for the constant reminder of the man I know I can’t have.

            It feels like every day a little chunk of my heart breaks off, and that eventually my chest will just be hollow. Empty. Alone.

Every day Edward sends me a simple, three-word text; I love you.

            Every day I reply with my own simple, four-word text; I love you, too.

            We both know that it doesn’t solve any of our problems. There is no solution in these words, just comfort.

            Everyone can tell I’m different. I used to be able to be happy and bubbly and funny for interviews. I actually enjoyed them at one point. I loved talking about my projects because I was proud of the work I had done.

            I’m proud of this last movie of course, but everything else that I’ve gone through the last six months is too hard to ignore.

            I’ve become one of those actors who gives short, one-word answers to most questions. I don’t elaborate or joke around with the interviewer. I’m not the latest meme waiting to happen anymore.

            I’m angry and bitter and it shows.

            For most of the interviews I’m paired with Ryan. We got the closest during the filming of these movies, mostly because we were the two main characters. But, he has become a good friend.

            I didn’t tell him all of the details, of course, but he does know the gist of why I’m so angry. He’s helped me deflect a lot of questions about the whole ordeal.  

            We’re finally done with the interviews in Los Angeles. Tonight, is the world premiere of the final _Tainted_ film in London. Then tomorrow we go to Berlin, Paris, and Madrid all within a span of four days.

            Then, after premieres in Los Angeles and New York City we’re done.

            Part of me is sad, I’ll miss working with all of these people. But part of me is also dying to something to change. What I need to change I don’t know, but I just need… something.

 

~H.K.~

 

            It feels good to be back in Los Angeles, even if I’m only here for less than forty-eight hours. I got in late last night, and tonight is the second to last premiere. The Los Angeles premieres are always the most intense in my opinion.

            The fans are crazier, the press is everywhere, and there’s just this feeling in the air that doesn’t seem to be there in other cities.

            I’m just ready for this month from hell to be over with.

            I haven’t had any contact with Edward besides our ‘I love you’ texts every day. We seem to be at some kind of standstill and I don’t know what to do about it. Has he changed his mind? He still loves me, but has he decided that it’s too much work to do anything about it?

            Kate follows behind me as we leave the house, constantly rearranging the train on my dress. I have to admit, this is one of my all-time favorite dresses I’ve ever worn on a red carpet.

            The white silky skirt floats to the floor around me with a slit up to my mid-thigh. Two-thirds of the top is a mesh material covered in intricate silver strips of sparkles, making a web of glitter across my chest. Then the left arm is the solid white material of the skirt.

            My stomach is usually a mess of butterflies before events like this. It’s nerve wracking, walking into a giant throng of people who are all screaming for you. It’s flattering, but scary at the same time.

            I haven’t really felt those nerves at all this time around. Something is different. Maybe I’m different.

            When my car pulls up I take a few deep breaths before my door is opened. Flashes come at me from every angle and screams surround me. I wave at a few of the cameras around me, and make my way directly to the line of fans just in front of me.

            I always start with the fans. They’re the only reason I put up with these events.

            I’m a few feet away from the barricade when three shots ring out.

            The screams turn from excited to scared, and I see people around me drop to the ground, probably to avoid the bullets.

            I’m frozen. In shock I think.

I look down and see blood starting to seep into my beautiful white dress.

 

**~H.K.~**

 

**_EPOV_ **

 

I get most of my work done late at night. The office is quiet and there are no distractions to put up with. The only sound on the whole floor is the television I have in the corner playing the news quietly for some background noise. 

I’m shifting through files, when an odd buzzing comes from the television. I look up and see a Breaking News logo appear and turn up the volume.

“Good evening. We are just receiving reports of a shooting at the Los Angeles premiere of _Tainted_. These are very preliminary reports, but we are being told that actress Isabella Swan was hit at least once. We have no word on her condition.”

My ears start ringing and my heart stops beating. _No, that can’t be right_.

We’ve been tracking every one of Aro’s contacts. All of the men of his who go for his hits have been accounted for, and no one has gotten near Bella in a month.

I made sure of it.

A news alert with a similar headline pops up on the computer in front of me, and my phone begins to vibrate on my desk.

I answer immediately.

“I’m following the ambulance to the hospital, and Eric is staying behind to find the fucker. She was hit twice. That’s all I know.” Ben.

“Tell Eric I want hourly updates. I’m sending Jasper and Emmett to help him.”

I hang up without another word.

I leave my office with only my phone in my hand. I think the television was still on, but I don’t care. Once I’m to my car I dial Liam, the man I have tailing Aro, and he tells me he’s at one of the restaurants he owns, dining with his family. _His alibi_.

I park illegally in front of the restaurant, and quickly walk in. I ignore the protests from the hostess and the valet. I won’t be here long.

When I enter their private dining room all eyes turn to me. Aro sits with his wife, two sons, and two daughters.

“Edward, how nice to see you!” Aro exclaims. _Fucker_.

I ignore his greeting, and the formal greeting his wife, Sulpicia, gives me. I see a slight hint of trepidation in Aro’s eyes as I approach him. In any other situation that would give me immense pleasure, but right now everything is numb. I’m only angry.

I lean a hand on the table next to him, pulling out my glock and digging it into his side with the other. I’m sure the security hiding in the shadows of the room have their own guns pointed at me, but I don’t care.

It makes me nauseous to lean in to this vile man, but I do. “If she dies, I will take out everyone. Your wife, your children, your siblings, their families… I’ll watch the life leave their eyes all myself. And then, once you’re all alone, I’ll come for you. You’ll have nothing left. Your empire, if that’s what you think you can call it now, will be gone. You’ll be nothing, but I’ll still spend hours putting you through the same torture the rest of your family went through.

“If she lives, maybe I’ll spare your family. You wanted a war, here’s your fucking war.”

I stand and straighten myself, sliding my glock back in my slacks. I give a pleasant nod to Sulpicia and Aro’s oldest son, Felix, decides to pipe up.

“Must be some great pussy,” he mutters, laughing with his brother.

His laugh dies when I have my hand around his throat and his back against the wall. Before I can do any real damage, Liam’s voice is in my ear.

“Calm down, Cullen. You need to go.”

Fuck, I need to get on a plane. “The plane is fueled and waiting. Emmett and Jasper are already there.”

I drop my hand from around Felix’s neck, but see a satisfying bruise already starting to form in the shape of my hand.

I notice a ticket stuck under the wiper blade of my car as I leave, but I just fling it off into the street before I get into it. I go straight to the private airfield where our plane is kept. I park next to Emmett’s jeep and take the steps up to the plane two at a time.

“Los Angeles. Now.” I tell the pilot as I pass him.

“Yes, sir.”

The doors are closed and the engine starts within seconds. I don’t bother fastening my seatbelt when I sit. I reach for the controller to the television across from me and turn it on.

I check my watch and see that it has been a little over an hour since Bella was shot.

_Fuck. Bella was shot._

Before I can let myself spiral out of control a news headline catches my attention. It’s the same two news anchors I saw earlier in my office.

“We have an update on actress Isabella Swan after she was shot at the premiere of her latest film release earlier tonight. A spokesperson for Swan has told the press that she is currently being treated at a nearby hospital. She is, however, in critical condition.” The woman on the left says.

“The exact hospital has not been revealed, of course, due to security reasons.” The man next to her says. “There is a lot of false information being spread about the situation, but it is important to remember that this is a developing story and there is no one in custody yet for the shooting.

“If you’re in the Los Angeles area, stay alert for any odd behavior. Unfortunately, we have no ID on the shooter, or even a description to go off of.”

Both of the anchors look off camera to their left, as if someone is telling them something.

“Okay, it looks like we’ve got footage from the premiere of the shooting. Of course, there were countless cameras there. We’re being told that this is a graphic video of the shooting, so viewer discretion is advised.”

 _Fuck_. The video is blurry, but I see Bella walking down a red carpet toward a barricade of fans. A smile tugs at my lips at the look of pride and contentment on her face. She puts herself through hell to make fans happy, but it’s worth it to her. There are three shots and I can see everyone around her drop at the sound but her. _Oh, God_. I can see the blood start to stain her white dress, one spot on her shoulder and another on side, near her stomach.

“ _Damnit_. What do we know?” I ask Emmett and Jasper, finally acknowledging them sitting next to me. I have to focus on the facts. I need a plan.

“She was taken to Good Samaritan Hospital, it’s 1.2 miles away from the theater where the premiere was. Ben got there just as she did, and he’s our eyes and ears inside the hospital for now. It’s a madhouse in there, obviously, so he’s managed to blend in and oversee what the doctors are doing.” Emmett says.

Jasper picks up where he left off. “He said she drifts in and out of consciousness. Her lung collapsed as they were checking her over, but it was fixed quickly on the spot. They’re taking her into surgery right now.

“Their biggest worry is the wound in her stomach. The shoulder was a through and through hit and should be easy enough to fix. Nerve damage could be an issue, though.”

“When we land, you’re both meeting up with Eric to find the fucker. Don’t kill him.”

That’s for me to do.

 

~H.K.~

 

I slip into the hospital without an issue. I’m pleased to see the police surrounding the place, but I don’t know if they would be enough to keep whoever did this away if they came back.

It has been five hours since the shooting, and Bella was still in surgery. The hospital still had _critical condition_ in her chart. They still didn’t know if she would be okay.

_Fucking hell._

During the torturous flight my brothers and I got ahold of the blueprints of the hospital where Bella was being treated. Most of their operating rooms had observing areas, what for I don’t know, but that’s where I would be until she got out of surgery.

I had the route I needed to take memorized, and getting there proved to be too easy. _So much for the police protection._

The door was locked, for Bella’s privacy I hope. It took me about twenty seconds to pick the lock and get myself inside.

Seeing Bella always gave me an instant sense of _home_. Safety. But seeing her on an operating table with people surrounding her unconscious body does the exact opposite. _Fuck, she could die_.

That gorgeous girl with a heart of gold shouldn’t be down there. She should be celebrating her years of hard work, relaxing for the first time in months.

Shit, maybe Carlisle was right. Are we just being stupid?

She would be better off without me. She didn’t choose the life that I chose for myself. Bella shouldn’t be surrounded by the scum of the world like I am. She deserves to be surrounded by the people that love and adore her, the ones who show up to see her with tears in their eyes because they love her so much.

What am I doing to her?

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I answer without looking to see who it is?

“What?”

“We found his room. He used an alias and dumped all of the fake papers here. There are boxes of ammo everywhere. Hotel staff said he checked out an hour ago after having them print out a boarding pass. He’s on a plane to South America right now.” Emmett tells me.

Fuck.

I need to get this guy. I need to know he’ll never get near Bella again if I’m ever going to be able to relax again. I also need to decide whether I can continue to put her in the kind of danger she’ll always be in, in order to be with me.

And to be able to do that, I need to be on my own. The second I look at her face I forget everything but her.

But, shit, I can’t just leave her like this.

“Send Ben up to the observing room. Tell him I’ll need updates on her every half hour. Get the plane ready.”

I hang up the phone and approach the large glass wall that separates me from Bella.

“I’ll make it right, Bella. You just need to be here when I get back.”

Ben enters silently and takes a seat in the back corner of the room, hidden in the darkness. I nod at him as I leave.

I pay more attention to my surroundings as I leave the hospital than I did when I got here. There are crowds everywhere. I pass a waiting room and see a large group of people, all in formalwear, sitting around. I recognize a few of them from Bella’s movies that I’ve seen.

They’re all here for her. It’s comforting to know she has people out here waiting for her. Praying for her.

I’m not a religious man, but I send up my own silent prayer for her now.

A small hand tugs me back, nails digging into my skin through my shirt.

“What the fuck?” I look down and see Kate. She’s in a simple cream dress splattered with blood.

Bella’s blood.

“This has something to do with you. I know it.” Kate sneers at me. Before I can contradict her, she continues. “Everything started falling apart when you showed up. She never abused her medication before, she was never late to anything. She was _fine_ until you got here.”

“She was miserable. She was lonely and overworked and just going through the motions you all told her to.”

Kate looks furious at first, but the fury dissolves into sadness. “She’s my best friend. I know she was struggling a bit before, but she was okay. She was _alive_.” Her voice cracks on the last work, and she looks down at her blood covered dress. “She went down and I just laid there for a second. It was like everyone was frozen. When I got to her she was just… covered in blood.”

My chest constricts tightly, but I do my best to ignore it. “I have to go away for a while. Will you keep me updated on her progress?”

Kate looks at me skeptically for a few moments before nodding her head.

I leave the hospital quickly before I can change my mind and rush back to Bella. Every fiber of my being feels like I should be staying here, but I know I need to get this guy before he disappears forever.

I hear quiet singing as I walk to my car.

“ _All we do is drive, all we do is think about the feelings that we hide. All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign_.”

I wander the parking lot before I find a young girl, probably in her early twenties, sitting on the curb with a guitar. She stops singing as I approach her.

“You’re singing her songs,” I state, even though it’s obvious.

“Y-yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s always there for me when I need her. So, I’m going to be here for her when she needs someone, too.”

 “You don’t think she deserves some privacy?” I challenge.

“Of course, she does. I’m not in the hospital, or trying to get a picture of her or anything. She deserves a lot of things, justice against whoever did this being the most important, I think.”

I walk away from the girl, back toward my car. Because she’s right. Bella does deserve justice, and I’m the only one who can get it for her.


	10. Angel On Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: There are some sensitive topics and violence discussed in this chapter. Nothing too scandalous, I don't think, but I know some people could find these topics triggering. In order to avoid spoilers for everyone, I have put a list of the topics at the bottom of this chapter. If you have any triggering topics, please take a look at the list before reading. I'd hate to unnecessarily upset anyone.

_I used to be a darling starlet like a centerpiece, had the whole world wrapped around my ring. I flew too closely to the sun that’s setting in the East, and now I’m melting from my wings. ~ Halsey, **Angel On Fire**_

~H.K.~

 

            “Bella?”

            My eyelids twitch at the sound of my name. _No, go away, I need to sleep_. 

            “Bella, are you awake?”

            It’s Kate, I think. I open my eyes as wide as I can, which isn’t much, but it is enough to take a peak around the room. It’s dark outside, and there’s only a small bedside lamp illuminating the room. Kate is sitting in a chair next to me, her eyes wide and hopeful.

            “How do you feel?” Kate asks, grabbing my left hand tightly in hers.

            “Shitty. What happened?” I ask her. My brain is foggy and confused. I don’t really remember much of anything.

            “I need to get the doctor,” Kate says, rushing out of the room.

            I move to sit up but shooting pain radiates from my right shoulder as well as my side. _Fuck_.

            I relax back into the bed, and look to see that my right arm is in some intense kind of sling. I try to make a weak fist with my right hand, just to see if I can. Again, searing pain spreads from my shoulder.

            I lay my head back and close my eyes. Despite having just woken up, I’m already exhausted again. The second my eyes close images of my night flash before my eyes.

            _Screaming fans._

_Pretty white dress._

_Bang. Bang. Bang_

            Kate enters the room again, followed by a doctor.

            “Hello, Ms. Swan, I’m Doctor Reynolds. I performed your surgery when you were admitted here last week.”

            “Last week?” I’ve been here for a _week_?

            The doctor gives me a sad smile, and pulls up a chair next to my bed.

            “We had to keep you sedated to help along some of the internal injuries we had to fix. I’ll need to speak with Ms. Swan alone.” The doctor says, looking at Kate. She nods her head solemnly and leaves again.

            “Do you remember what happened, Ms. Swan?” He asks me.

            “I-I think so. There was a, uh, shooting.” I mumble, even though it doesn’t really seem real. All of this seems like some kind of alternate universe.

            God, I’m tired.

            “Yes, you were shot twice. Once in your right shoulder, and once in your stomach.”

            I give him a small nod, because I do vaguely remember that. I think.

            _My body hits the ground with a thud. Jesus, everything hurts suddenly. I look around, but all I see is the sky above me. It’s a beautiful yellow orange as the sun sets._

_“Bella! Bella!” Kate? Yes, I think that’s Kate._

_I look around and she appears above me. Her face is terrified and concerned, but I don’t want her to be scared. Why is she scared?_

_“Oh, God,” Kate mutters. She’s fumbling with her phone in her hands and brings it to her ear. She shouts at someone on the other side, but I don’t really hear anything she says._

_A few seconds later she throws her phone away from her and puts her hand on my shoulder._

_I let out a small grunt at the force of her hand. Damn, that hurts!_

_I try to push her away, but I don’t have the energy._

_“It’s okay, Bella. You’re going to be okay.”_

_My breaths start to come out in pants and I can feel panic starting to take over all of my senses. “Kate, I can’t – I don’t –“_

_“Shh. It’s okay. Hear that? People are coming, Bella.”_

_I focus all of my energy on listening and she’s right. I can hear sirens somewhere in the distance._

_That’s good, I guess._

_I’m so tired._

_A man comes over to us then. He’s in a dark suit and he looks so familiar._

_“Who are you?” Kate snaps at him._

_“I work for Edward Cullen. We need to get her out of here, closer to the street so she can get in the ambulance and to the hospital.”_

_Edward. Edward. Edward._

_I miss him._

_“I’m going to pick you up, okay Bella?” the man asks. I wish he were Edward._

_“Everything hurts,” I mumble. I don’t feel like moving._

_“I know. I’ll be as careful as I can, but we need to get you out of here.”_

_“I miss Edward,” I mumble as arms reach under me and lift me in the air. Pain travels through every inch of my body and I want to scream, but I don’t. At least, I hope I don’t._

_“He misses you too.” The man says. I hope he’s right._

_The sirens get louder as I’m carried away from the loudest screams. The sirens replace the screams and I want to cover my ears because it’s so loud._

_The man with me in his arms gently sets me down on something, I don’t know what, and then I’m in a car I think. Probably the ambulance. It’s not very comfortable._

_“21-year-old female with GSW to the chest and stomach…”_

_Someone keeps talking about me, but I tune it out. It’s not very interesting._

_I think I fall asleep in the ambulance. Or maybe I pass out. I guess that’s technically sleep, right?_

_I’m on something more comfortable when I wake up. But there are more people around me, poking and prodding at me all over. I don’t like it._

_I try to push them away, but the moment I lift my right arm I scream. Ouch._

_“Ms. Swan, you need to stay still while we look you over, okay?” a woman next to me says. I look up at her and she’s got pretty black hair and bright blue eyes._

_“No, I need to –“_

_“You need to lie back. It’s okay, we’re taking care of you.” She tells me. Her voice is oddly calm and comforting. I like it._

_“I need –“ I take a painful deep breath, and exhale slowly. I try to take another deep breath, but it doesn’t do much. Doesn’t feel right. I’m tired again, so I close my eyes._

_“Her lung collapsed! Get me a..”_

_Something pricks my chest, but then I feel normal when I take a deep breath. My eyes pop open and I look around. I’m still surrounded by people, but I just want them to all go away._

_Someone takes my right arm and lifts it, and I can’t keep in my scream of pain._

_“Arm! I need my arm to not do that!” I shout._

_“We’re going to fix your arm. We’re taking you to surgery now, okay?” The blue-eyed woman says._

_“No, no I don’t need that. I need Edward.” I mumble._

_“We’re going to get you to surgery and then I’m sure Edward will be there when you wake up.”_

_I hope so._

“Yes, yes I remember,” I tell the doctor. Unfortunately, I remember everything.

“I’d like to talk to you about your injuries if you feel up to it, Ms. Swan.”

“I’m good. And Bella, you can call me Bella.” I squirm in my bed. It feels odd lying like this while talking to the doctor. I want to sit up, but I don’t want to deal with that searing pain again.

The doctor presses a button on the side of my bed and I’m inclined just a little bit.

“You can’t sit up too much, and I’ll explain that in a minute. Do you feel okay, besides your shoulder and side?”

“My head feels like it could implode at any moment, but that’s about it.”

Doctor Reynolds lets out a small chuckle at that. “Yes, that’s understandable. I’ll have a nurse bring you some pain killers for that soon.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “Let’s start with your right arm. Your arm will likely reach at least 90% mobility with physical therapy. There was, unfortunately, a lot of nerve damage done. You may have some tremors in your arm and hand for the rest of your life, but it is nothing that will impact the way you live every day. That’s good.”

Doctor Reynolds flips through a chart in his hands, my chart probably, and continues on. “The wound on your side, however, proved to be harder to patch up. You’re completely fine and out of the woods now, I assure you, but there were some complications.”

“What kind of complications?”

He clears his throat. “Did you know that you were pregnant, Bella?” He asks quietly.

Pregnant?

No. I wasn’t pregnant.

Women know when they’re pregnant, right?

I would have known.

I wasn’t pregnant.

Maybe I should ask for a new doctor.

“I’m not pregnant.” I tell him definitively.

“It was very early on in the pregnancy. The shot to your abdomen...”

Oh.

I was pregnant. _Was_.

“Oh.”

It was gone. The pregnancy, the baby. Edward’s baby. All gone.

“Your body went through a very traumatic experience. You lost a lot of blood through the process. The pregnancy just couldn’t handle it.”

Tears blur my vision, and there is only one questions that comes to my mind. “It was early though. So… the pregnancy, I mean the… it didn’t feel anything, right?”

Maybe it’s a stupid question. I know there are all kinds of laws about abortion and when you can have a pregnancy terminated, deadlines about when scientists say the baby can actually feel. I just don’t know when any of those things happen.

“No, it didn’t feel anything. You were very early on, four to six weeks probably. There is one more thing, though.”

“Like I said, your body went through an extremely traumatic experience…”

He keeps talking, I think. About the baby I’ll never get to know. About the bullet in my abdomen, and how it wreaked havoc on some internal system, I don’t really understand half of the things he says.

But I’m pretty sure the gist of it is that I’ll never be able to have a child. It’s not a _you can keep trying, there’s always a possibility_ type situation either. It’s a _there is biologically no possible way you will ever be pregnant again in your entire life_ kind of deal.

I sit in this uncomfortable hospital bed and cry. Doctor Reynolds sits with me for a while. He’s very kind.

I never wanted children. I was never one of those girls that grew up knowing my final destination was motherhood. Personally, I don’t see the appeal of it most of the time. My mother constantly complained about how much work it was to have children, and how expensive we were to take care of.

Maybe that’s where all of my feelings stem from, but it doesn’t matter now.

It’s one thing to make the choice on my own. If I say I never want to have children it’s okay, because I decided that myself. It’s another thing for someone else to make that decision for me. For the person with the gun to look at me and take every choice I have away from me is criminal.

Eventually Doctor Reynolds asks me if I have any final questions. One more does pop to my mind. “Have you told anyone else about the…” I can’t say it, but he knows what I mean.

“The only person we told was your emergency contact, Kate Wilson. Based on the looks she’s been getting from your parents, I would say she hasn’t told anyone either.” He gives me a kind smile and then leaves.

I’m only alone for a few seconds before Kate comes back, followed by my mother, father, and sister.

I know I should be more excited to see them, but I know I’m going to have to put on a happy face for them and I just don’t know if I have it in me.

            Renee comes over and gives me a tight hug, putting pressure on my right shoulder. “Shit, mom.”

            “Oh, I’m so sorry! We’ve been so worried, Bella. Just so worried, and they wouldn’t tell us anything.”

            “Kate knew mom, if it was something serious she would have told you.”

            “We should be your emergency contacts, Bella. Not an employee.”

            “Kate is my best friend, mom. I really, I just can’t have this conversation right now.”

            “You doing okay, kiddo?” Charlie asks me, taking the seat the doctor left next to me.

            “I’m okay,” I mumble and give him a small smile.

            But I’m not okay.

            I look at Kate and I know she’s waiting for me to tell them, but I just can’t. I can’t tell my mother I’ll never give her any grandchildren, because she’ll find a way to make me feel guilty about it. My sister will have to comfort her and Charlie will be stuck in the middle, unsure of who to help.

            He usually chooses my mother, but I don’t blame him. He does have to live with her, after all.

            “What’s happened since I’ve been out?” I ask everyone, hoping to keep them talking about anything other than the elephant in the room only Kate and I can see.

            “We’ve just been worried sick about you, Bella.” Renee repeats.

            “The press has been surprisingly nice about everything. I’m sure every news station has a great in memoriam segment about you, though.” Kate says.

            It sends chills down my spine. “Was it really that…”

            “You were in surgery for about ten hours. They never really took you out of critical condition until they were completely done. Even then, they always let us know there was the slight possibility that you wouldn’t… that you wouldn’t wake up once they weaned you off of the sedatives.”

            I want to stay awake and find out what has happened in the week since I’ve been out, but I’m so exhausted.

            “I’m really tired,” I mumble. I’m fast asleep within just a few seconds.

 

~H.K.~

 

            I’ve been stuck in the hospital for a week. Well, awake for a week. If you count the time I was unconscious, I’ve been here for two.

            But I’m finally getting out today. I’ve got a physical therapist coming to my house once a week to make sure I’m doing the exercises they taught me right and that my arm is improving the way it should. I still have some stitches in my side so I have to be extra careful whenever I move, but I’ll get those taken out in a week or two.

            I don’t care because tonight I get to sleep in my own bed, in my own clothes. God, I can’t wait.

            There is a downside to going home and that is my family will be staying with me for three more days until they head back to Washington.

            I love my family, I truly do, but it is exhausting putting on a façade for them. I won’t be able to truly relax until they’re gone and I’m alone.

            I need to be alone to process everything that’s happened.

            A nurse helps me out of bed and into a wheelchair. I can feel the stitches in my abdomen tug a bit, but it’s not too bad.

            The nurse pushes me out of the room and I’m flanked by Kate and my father. Mom and Jane are at my house cooking ‘thanksgiving’ dinner.

            I was in the hospital on Thanksgiving Day, so we’ve decided to have a belated thanksgiving meal tonight. It’s also serving as a little at home celebration because _Badlands_ was just nominated for five Grammy Awards.

            It’s a bittersweet feeling though. I haven’t really had the energy or motivation to be excited about it.

            Everything just seems off now. Like something is missing, or I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

            I know what it is, of course. _Edward_.

            I haven’t heard from him since the morning of the _Tainted_ premiere. It hurts more than I want to admit that he hasn’t tried to contact me. I try not to think about him much, though. My brain can only handle so many disappointing situations at once, and I’ve had my thoughts full with the whole almost dying thing.

            But, every day I do hold out the hope that I’ll get a text or a phone call. Every day I’m disappointed when I get neither.

            I’m wheeled around to a service entrance in the back of the hospital. Of course, the exact hospital I was in only stayed confidential for about a day. Paparazzi have been stationed outside for days, waiting for me to leave.

            Charlie helps me into the large Range Rover and makes sure I’m situated before heading up to the passenger side seat. Kate is next to me, her phone in hand.

            “Excited to go home?” She asks me.

            “Oh, God, more than you know.”

            “Heidi is going to be waiting for you,” Kate admits, a sheepish look on her face.

            I just sigh. “I knew I’d have to deal with her sooner or later. We can talk while mom and Jane finish dinner.”

            Within an hour I’m sitting in my office at home. I ignore the desk and go straight for the comfortable couch situated along the left wall. I walk over, carefully, and sit down slowly. I grab the throw blanket off the back of the couch and situate it around myself.

            Damn, it feels good to be home.

            “How bad is it?” I ask Heidi. She sits herself behind my desk, and Kate sits across from her.

            “Well, you said you’ll be completely recovered within about six months. That means we’re going to have to back out of some things if you can’t work until June.” Heidi says with a frown.

            “I don’t want anything scheduled.”

            Heidi looks like I just slapped her across her face. “What?”

            “I don’t want anything scheduled until June, unless I call you. I don’t want project deadlines hanging over my head. What if my arm takes longer to heal?” I ask, but what I really mean is _what if I don’t want to do this in six months?_

It’s been nagging at me ever since the day I woke up.

What am I doing? Who am I to think I could keep my career relevant, to think that I could do so much?

I need time to think about what I want. And I can’t do that if I know my name is signed on the dotted line to do anything else.

“O-okay.” Heidi agrees. I can tell it’s killing her, though. I guess it just takes getting nearly assassinated for her to let me get my way.

“Thank you, Heidi.”

When Heidi leaves, I’m left alone with Kate for the first time since I woke up.

“How are you?” She asks me. _What a loaded question_.

I rest my head back and close my eyes. “Tired, mostly.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I know. I just haven’t been able to really absorb it yet, you know?”

Kate just nods because, really, there’s nothing anyone could say that would make any of this better. Then I hear my mother’s shrill voice call us down for dinner. _Well, getting rid of my mother might make things a little better._

Kate hooks one of her arms with my left, and we head downstairs for dinner.

“Thanks for staying with me for a while,” I tell her sincerely.

I can take care of myself for the most part, but there are still some things that would be hard for me to handle alone. Kate is staying with me for a week or so until the stitches in my side are removed, just in case I need any help.

“Of course.”

Kate and I get to the dining room and find Jane and mom setting all of the food on the table.

“Where’s dad?” I ask.

My mother ignores me for a few seconds before answering. “Oh, I think he went downstairs.”

I head toward the basement and wave Kate off when she goes to follow me. I can handle some stairs on my own. I think.

I make it down the flight of stairs without incident and find my father standing in front of my shelves of awards. His fingers lightly trace over the name plaque on the Oscar.

“I always knew you were special,” he says, his eyes still on the awards. “You were quiet growing up. Jane was loud and that got her most of the attention, but you were always watching, taking in everything around you.

“I could see it in your eyes when you watched movies. You were there, in them with the actors, living in that world. You would spend hours watching those ‘behind the scenes’ specials. I just thought you were an average pop culture loving kid.” Dad chuckles.

“You’re doing what you were meant to do, I’m sure of that. Don’t listen to your mother, or take any of her comments to heart. No matter what, I’m really damn proud of you, kid.”

My father isn’t an emotional man, nor is he very talkative. He’s never told me anything like that before. He’s told me he’s proud of me, yes, but I’ve never seen him get so emotional over anything. Ever.

I stand next to him and rest my head on his shoulder. Hugs aren’t really an option for me for a while. “Thanks, dad.”

The next morning, after a blissful night of sleep in my own bed, I spend some time going through the care packages that have been sent to me since the shooting. My room has been stuffed full of balloons, boxes, and other gifts from friends and even some people in the business that I’ve never met.

I’m in the middle of my room on the floor when there’s a light knock at the door.

“Come in,” I shout in that direction.

Jane comes in, already dressed in jeans and a cute sweater. I’m still in my pajama pants and the Northwestern t-shirt that I stole from Edward. _Fuck, I miss him_.

“Hey,” she mumbles and comes to sit next to me, shuffling through some of the things around me.

She pulls out a letter from Tom Hanks and her eyes go wide. “Wow.”

“I know, right?” His letter actually made me smile. I met him once before, he actually presented me with my first Golden Globe, but he’s always been one of my favorite actors. It is very surreal to have people you once idolized become your peers.

“I’m sorry moms so hard on you,” Jane holds a hand up with I try to interrupt her and tell her she shouldn’t be apologizing for her. “I don’t understand it, and I’m not taking responsibility for it or anything. I’m just sorry you have to put up with it.”

“Thanks, I think.”

“I know we’re not the closest siblings, but I just wanted to let you know I’m here.”

“I’m here for you, too, you know.”

“Will you answer a question for me?”

Uh oh. “Depends on what it is.”

“Who is _Badlands_ about?”

That makes me laugh. My own family never knew about my relationship with Jacob. “Jacob Black.”

“Oh, wow.” Jane’s face goes through a flurry of emotions before she giggles. “That’s kind of… gross. He’s like twice your age!”

Those words coming from anyone else would seem like an insult, but Janes laughs let me know she’s kidding. Mostly.

“Ugh, I know. Trust me, it’s not happening again.”

 

~H.K.~

 

My family leaves three days later and I’m nothing but relieved. I’m happy I got to spend some time with them, especially dad and Jane. Things seem different with them now, like we’ve grown together a lot these past few days.

Things with my mother are as tense as ever. Of course, she’s using the shooting as an excuse that I should quit acting all together and move back home.

While quitting has definitely been on my mind, I most definitely won’t be moving back home if it does happen. And I definitely won’t be making the decision because my mother told me to.

Every day that passes brings Edward to my mind. What is he doing? Why hasn’t he contacted me?

I caved two nights ago and called him, but his number was disconnected.

I’m trying not to overthink the situation. He’s a busy man, he’s told me this. He has to go out of town for work at the last minute, and who knows what the family business entails.

You would think getting me shot would end up on his radar, though.

Maybe it has? Is he looking for whoever did it? I know the police are, but they have absolutely no leads, or so I’m told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sensitive Topics: Miscarriage/infertility, gun violence


	11. Devil In Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: another mildly sensitive scene in this chapter. More info at the bottom. Please check that out before you read if you have any triggering topics.

_I won’t take anyone down if I crawl tonight. But I still let everyone down when I change in size. And I went tumbling down trying to reach your high, but I scream too loud when I speak my mind. I don’t wanna wake it up, I don’t wanna wake it up, I don’t wanna wake it up, the devil in me. ~ Halsey, **Devil In Me**_

~H.K.~

 

            “Is there anything else you’d like to talk about, Bella?” My therapist, Zafrina asks me. We’re sitting in my backyard, which isn’t usual for us. I typically go to her office outside of Hollywood, but I don’t really feel like leaving the house these days. I can’t handle the media circus that will surely follow me the second I’m outside of my gate.

I’ve been out of the hospital for nearly two weeks. Kate went back to her own place a few days ago. It’s been nice to be alone for a while, I think.

“No, not really,” I mumble. I know what she wants me to talk about, of course.

“You can’t avoid it forever, Bella.”

“Yes, I can. You severely underestimate my avoidance skills, I think.” I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to acknowledge it.

“It’s been three weeks and you haven’t come to terms with it, Bella. You can never move on from it until you face the issue head on.” The calmness of her voice is irritating.

But, it doesn’t take much to irritate me these days. I’m constantly angry or upset. The littlest thing going wrong can infuriate me. The other day I dropped a mug in the kitchen. It didn’t shatter or anything, but I was just so mad at the situation that I threw it at the wall. _Then_ , it shattered.

Zafrina’s probing makes me wish I could throw _her_ at the wall.

“What do you want me to say?” I snap. “I was pregnant. I was an idiot and didn’t know. I let my job put my body through hell and then went and got fucking _shot_. I lost a baby I didn’t know I had and any possibility of having my own in the future.”

“You’re placing an awful lot of blame on yourself, Bella. No woman knows if they are pregnant for the first month or two of the pregnancy, that’s nothing unusual. You know how I feel about how you neglect yourself when you’re working, and we’ve talked about that before. But, the shooting was nothing you could have controlled.”

Yes, it was. Edward warned me. I knew I was in danger, but I didn’t believe him when he told me how much.

God, he’d be so pissed at me if he were actually here. But, he’s not. So why should I care what he would think?

“I still should’ve –“

Zafrina’s voice is harsh and final when she speaks. “Bella, there is nothing you could have done differently. Nothing.”

I let her think I agree with her. I play the part of chastised patient and lead her to believe I’ve seen the error of my thoughts and that I’ll try better in the future.

She believes me, of course.

I’m a spectacular actress.

 

~H.K.~

 

I’m awake even though it is only six in the morning. I hate being awake before the sun, it just doesn’t seem right. Especially on days when I have nothing to do.

There’s a reason I work so much. I hate sitting still for long periods of time. I take a month or two between projects to recover, mentally and physically, but then I’m itching to get back to work.

I’ve only been at home for a couple weeks and I’m already bored. I suppose part of the issue is that I can’t really do anything.

I got my stitches out, but my side is still sore. Stairs are a bitch to try and get up, but I manage.

My arm is frustrating as hell. There is a constant dull ache from the wound, and I still have to keep it in a sling. So far, my physical therapy just consists of me squeezing a rubber ball. _Not very stimulating._

I pull another blanket over me on my bed and reach for the television controller. I flip through the channels for a while, until my name catches my attention.

“Of course, many people are expecting _Welcome to the Badlands_ , the film by Isabella Swan, to be up for quite a few awards this season. She’s a seasoned actress with killer instincts, but do you think she’ll make it to the ceremonies?” A female entertainment news anchor says. Jill, I think, is her name.

“It’s hard to say. Her team has been very hush hush on her recovery since she woke up in the hospital three weeks ago. We’re all thankful she’s recovering, of course, but where has she gone? She’s usually semi-active on social media, and there hasn’t been a single post since before the shooting.” The male anchor, I don’t know his name, says with a slight eye roll.

Jesus, I was shot and they’re upset I haven’t tweeted in a while? I turn the television off and toss the controller away from me.

I pull myself out of bed with a grunt, the pain in my side makes me want to scream. Mostly in frustration, and only a little bit in pain.

God, I’m so tired of constantly being in pain. I’m on some mild pain killers, but when I admitted to the doctor about my slip up with my other medication, he decided to not give me the really good stuff. It’s too addictive.

So, I’m stuck with constant throbbing in most of my body that drives me crazy.

I opt for a bath, because the warm water sometimes dulls the ache a little bit. I run the large bath and pour some fragrant soaps into it. It takes me about ten minutes to actually get all of my clothes off, but once I manage it I slide into the warm water and sigh.

I close my eyes and let my mind wander to happier times.

_“You’ve really helped me through a lot. I just – I never thought I’d get the chance to say thank you for that.” Katy, the beautiful seventeen-year-old girl in front of me says with tears in her eyes. I don’t have a response to her kind words, so I just give her another hug and hold her to me for as long as she needs._

_“Jennifer! I can’t believe you made it!” I exclaim as I see the gorgeous blond in front of me. She’s been running a Bella Swan fan club for just about my entire career. I’ve already seen her at a few shows, and I saw online that she was hoping to make this one. I had Kate find her and invite her back here._

_She runs up to me and gives me a hug. “The show was amazing, as always.”_

_Her words make me blush. “I can’t believe you’re here. You’ve been to what… four shows already?”_

_Her smile takes up her whole face. “I can’t help it!”_

_“So, how are we going to do our picture this time?” I ask her. She always comes up with the best poses._

_“I was thinking a piggy back?”_

_Her idea makes me cackle. I turn my back to her. “Okay, hop on.”_

_I look over at the photographer with a big, genuine smile once Katy is situated on my back. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I catch crazy bronze hair and shining green eyes._

_It has only been about a week since Edward left Los Angeles, but I’ve missed him terribly. I don’t care if that makes me clingy, it’s true._

_The rest of the meet and greet is a bit of a blur. I rush out to my dressing room as soon as I can and see Edward sitting on the couch when I get there._

_“What are you doing here?” I ask him, but I don’t give him a chance to respond. I throw myself in his lap and attach my lips to his._

_“I missed you,” he mumbles around my kisses. His hands trace my thighs, and sneak their way past the hem of my shorts to grab my ass._

_I’d always heard men were either “breast men” or “ass men” but I couldn’t say that for Edward. He loved everything._

_I can feel his length growing between my legs and it makes me smile. “I missed this,” I say between kisses, my hand going down to palm him._

_“Fuck, Bella. Pack your things so we can –“_

_“Mmm, the hotel is too far away. I need to thank you properly for coming to visit me.” I slide off of his lap and end on my knees at his feet. I quickly open his belt and pull Edward’s hard cock out of his slacks._

_I pump him a few times with my hand before trailing kisses along his length. “I’ve thought about this a lot since you left.”_

_Edward looks down at me and smirks. “You’ve thought about sucking my cock?”_

_I can feel the blush lightly color my cheeks, but I’m not overly embarrassed. Not like I would be with anyone other than Edward. I answer his question by taking as much of him as I can in my mouth._

_I move my head along him for a few minutes, but then I stop with just the tip left in my mouth. I grab one of Edward’s hands that are gripping the edge of the couch, and place it lightly on the back of my head. He understands immediately and begins guiding my movements._

I have never been so open about sex with anyone except Edward. The ferocity that he used in every kiss and touch was infectious. It made me just as insatiable as he was.

There was never any awkwardness with him in bed, or anywhere else we decided to christen. There was passion and need and love.

The men I had been with before were needy, but not passionate. Looking back, things always felt a little forced or unnatural with them. Never forced in a bad way, thankfully, but emotionally.

I was trying to feel more connected to them than I really was. Until I met Edward.

With Edward everything was seamless. We fit together in a way only soulmates could.

_I exit the bathroom after concocting an impressive dress out of one of the sheets we used as our bed. Edward and I just refueled with some more over-priced food and ended up burning off all of the calories after he bent me over the table and fucked me until I couldn’t see straight._

_It was fantastic._

_Unfortunately, my body need a longer break now. Thus, I need my makeshift dress._

_“Skip the designer outfits and show up to the Oscar’s in that next year,” Edward says when he sees me. He has no problem walking around naked as the day he was born. He’s at the docking station, scrolling through the music on my phone._

_“I could totally end up on a best dressed list in this,” I give him a little twirl for an added effect._

_A slower song comes on, I don’t remember the name, but Edward grabs my hands in his and twirls me in a circle before pulling me to him._

_I can’t help but giggle. “You want to dance… naked?”_

_“I want to do everything with you. Naked or not.”_

I believed him. I was stupid enough to believe he did want everything with me. I know we have issues we have to deal with. The whole fucking mob thing being a big one, but I thought we could work through it. I thought after the last premiere was over and I had time we could talk and just figure things out.

I was wrong, I guess.

I lean my head back along the edge of the tub and let my eyes close. This time, I let myself get sucked into a fantasy as opposed to a memory.

_I wrap my robe tighter around myself. I’m only half awake, but I stumble down the hall toward where I last heard the crying coming from._

_I push open the cracked door, and see Edward in the middle of the room. His bare back is to me, and I can see the shadows of his tattoo along his skin in the dim light. His body is lightly swaying, and when his body turns to face me I see a small bundle in his arms. Wrapped in a dark blue blanket, with his tiny head cradled in his father’s hands, is our son._

_A mixture of Edward and I, and tiny human we created._

My eyes snap open and my heart shatters into a million pieces for what seems like the hundredth time today. My eyes are too tired to form any more tears.

I lean my head back into the water, and scoot down a bit so my entire body is submerged. For just a moment, only a second, I think about how I don’t want to come up for air again.

 

~H.K.~

 

**_EPOV_ **

 

            We’re back on the plane, again, because we lost the fucker, again. Neither Emmett, Jasper, nor I are really experienced trackers. We’re usually the ones telling someone else to bring us whoever we need. But this one is personal. I do think this son of a bitch is an especially sneakey fucker, though.

            “Actress Isabella Swan was released from the hospital today, two weeks after she was shot in Los Angeles. A statement released by her team states that she is on the road to recovery, but the exact details about her injuries are still being withheld from the public.”

            I’ve become all too acquainted with the entertainment news anchors. I’m not proud of it and Emmett and Jasper tease me mercilessly about it, but I don’t care. I’ll take any bit of information about her that I can.

            Kate emails me sometimes. Usually a few short sentences just telling me that Bella is alive. I’m dying for more detail, but I take what I can get.

            Thankfully I texted her my email the day we left, because a few days into our hunt I accidently threw my phone at the wall. _Accidently_.

            Despite my need to find the bastard that went after my girl, I also needed this time to make up my mind. Was I selfish enough to put that beautiful, kind, and talented woman through everything that my life entails? Or should I do the noble thing and kill the man who hurt her and let her move on from the shooting, and me?

            Just thinking about Bella with another man makes me want to shoot something. Hopefully I’ll get my chance, soon.

 

~H.K.~

 

            Finally, after three more weeks of long plane rides and shitty motels, we managed to ambush him. He got cocky and thought we had gotten sloppy. He went out in London and tried to fuck a girl in an alley. Needless to say, we saved the girl from a big mistake.

We still don’t even know his fucking name though.

Emmett and Jasper have him tied up in a storage area outside of the city. One of them is monitoring him at all times. I decided to give him a day or so to rot in there before I go in and get the information I need.

He’ll be desperate by then, needing to get out of there. He should know, though, that he’s not getting out of there alive.

He doesn’t, of course.

I spent two full days in there with him, and he didn’t give up anything. Not a name, not an employer, nothing.

The only relief I have comes from knowing that the man who tried to take my girl away from me is gone for good.

 

~H.K.~

 

_Either come back now or not at all. She’s at her breaking point._

Kate’s email sends ice down my spine. I remember talking with Bella about the last time she reached a breaking point. She spent six weeks in rehab because of it. I wasn’t going to let that happen again.

I know I’m in for a shit storm of explaining when I get back to her. I know I fucked up in more ways than one by not contacting her. I thought I had a decision I had to make. I thought I needed time away to make that decision.

But there was never any decision. There is just her.

It might be stupid and selfish and unforgivable, but I don’t care. Because I’m already on my way back when I get Kate’s email.

The plane is stopped in Chicago to refuel and drop off Emmett and Jasper, and then I’m on my way to Los Angeles.

 

~H.K.~

 

I pull up to her gate and enter the eight-digit code Kate emailed me. She said Bella has a hard time getting up sometimes, because of the injury to her abdomen, and the alarm is turned off on her gate. The only people she wants to see know the code.

Plus, me. I can’t assume I’m part of that group of people she wants to see, though.

I take a deep breath when the house comes into view. It’s so very Bella, just the sight of it brings me comfort. I knock on the door lightly, not wanting to startle her.

After hearing nothing inside for a few moments, I knock a little harder. “Bella?” I shout. It’s a big house, I don’t know if she would be able to hear a knock from anywhere.

A few more moments of nothing and I’m growing impatient. I take a chance and wiggle the doorknob. Surprisingly, it opens easily. _I’ll have to have a talk with her about that._

“Bella?” I shout again. I don’t want to scare her, just walking into her home uninvited. The lack of response is worrying, though.

I decide to check her bedroom first, and take the stairs two at a time to get to it. Her bedroom door is open, a floral scent wafting from the bathroom.

“Bella?” I shout for a third time. _Where is she?_

Her bathroom door is cracked, so I gently push it open and look around.

_“Oh, God.”_

I drop to my knees and pull her head above the water. “Bella! Bella!” I shout.

The second her head is above the water she coughs up a little water, then looks at me with dark, unforgiving eyes.

Bella starts to pull away from me, but I keep a tight grip on her upper body. “What the fuck are you trying to do?” I ask, anger seeping through every fiber of my being.

“Get away from me!” she pulls away from me, and I can see the exact moment when she moves the wrong way. Her face contorts in anger and she falls back against the tub. Thankfully, her head stays above the water.

“Shit,” I mumble. _Her fucking shoulder._

I can see the wound. There’s about a six-inch scar along her shoulder, still puffy and red. I’m sure it hurts like hell. I put an arm under her back and pull her so she’s sitting up. She flinches again, though.

“We need to get you out of the tub, baby. Just tell me how to without hurting you,” I say, desperate to stop the pain from invading her senses.

“Just leave me alone!” Bella shouts. She holds her right arm against her chest, and uses her left to brace herself on the tub. I hold my arms out around her to catch her should she trip, but she doesn’t need my help.

She gets herself out of the tub and quickly covers herself in a thin, cotton robe. I see her flinch as she slides her arms through it.

“What are you doing here?” she snaps. Her eyes narrow on me, and her lips form an angry pout.

I want to answer her; tell her what I’ve been doing the last month and why I haven’t called her, but the image of her lying in the tub, unmoving under the water, is etched inside my mind.

“Were you… were you trying to…” Jesus, I can’t even get the words out.

She shakes her head and avoids looking me in the eyes. “No. It doesn’t matter.”

Fuck. _What have I done?_

“I don’t want the pity eyes, Edward. You don’t… you don’t understand what I’ve had to deal with.”

Her prognosis immediately bubbles out of my mouth. “Gun-shot wounds to the shoulder and abdomen. Your abdomen took longer than usual to repair, but they got everything fixed up. You might have some mild nerve damage – “

“Jesus, shut up! I don’t need you telling me what I went through!”

Bella storms out of the bathroom and I follow her like a lost puppy. _I need to make this right._

Bella sits down in a large, plush chair in the corner of her room. I can see the strain on her to even sit down. I hope she didn’t mess up her incision on her side. Kate told me she just got those stitches out a few days ago.

I go back to her bathroom and grab the first aid kit she keeps under the sink. I walk back over to her, kit in hand, and look at her hesitantly.

“Can I check your side, make sure you didn’t tear anything?”

Bella looks so small in that large chair. But, worse than that, she looks defeated. Tired. Broken. _I broke her_.

She looks at me for a few seconds and whatever she sees convinces her to give me the slightest nod. I kneel in front of her and gently push aside the robe so I can see the wound on her abdomen.

This one is worse than her shoulder. The area is slightly puffy and red, but it doesn’t look infected or too irritated. I decide to leave it alone for now.

“Why are you here?” her voice is less angry now, and more sad.

“Because I love you.”

“Then why did you leave?”

“Because we had a lead on the man who… the one who did this to you. I had to find him.”

Bella’s eyes snap to mine. “Did you?”

I keep my position, kneeling at her feet, and place my hands lightly on her knees. “Yes. You don’t have to worry about him anymore.”

Bella studies me for a few moments, but I can’t read her expression. It’s completely neutral, not giving away anything about what she’s thinking.

That’s the tricky thing about Bella. She’s got the most gorgeous and expressive face, but she’s also got an unbelievable ability to control her emotions and reactions. I noticed it the first time I saw her live show.

She was emotional, performing one of the songs that she’s since told me means the most to her, and it was obvious that she was on the verge of tears. But, a simple stretch of her neck and a deep breath later she was absolutely fine. Calm, composed, and happy to continue on with her show.

It’s phenomenal, and obviously part of what makes her such an impressive actress, but it’s not a trait that I would want in someone with Bella’s history.

If she’s depressed, I want to know. If she’s having a hard time, I want to be able to see it in her eyes so I can try to help. I don’t want her putting up those walls around her and internalizing all of her pain.

“You…killed him?” she asks me.

I hesitate for a moment. I don’t want to upset her any further, but I also know I can’t lie to her anymore. “Yes.”

“Good.”

Her choice of words surprises me. Bella would never wish violence upon anyone. She would also never wish that _I_ do that to anyone. I ignore it for now, though, because I have more important things to discuss with her.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve been there for you when you needed me the most. I wanted to be there, believe me, I did. But I was so fucking angry, Bella. I was angry that whoever it was slipped past all of my research, angry that I was the reason you were lying on an operating room table.

“I needed his blood on my hands. I needed to know he would never get near you again. That’s not valid excuse for abandoning you like that, but it’s all I have.”

I take a deep breath before I continue. “I thought about you every day. I thought about what we needed to do in order to make this work. Because there is nothing I wouldn’t do to get to spend – “

“Stop.”

“Bella, I – “

“Those are beautiful words Edward, but at the end of the day you’re a fucking mob boss and I’m an actress. We don’t fit. We can say we’d do anything for each other, but we can’t actually follow through.”

No. I’m not going to let her talk herself out of this, of us. No.

“Bella –“

Tears gather in her eyes, and her body crumbles. I wish I knew how to comfort her, where I could touch her that wouldn’t bring her pain. I wish I knew how to fix her.

“You don’t _understand_.” Bella tells me through her tears.

“Then help me understand, Bella,” I beg her.

She wipes her tears away and sniffles a little bit. Her eyes look so lost and scared. Fuck, what I would do to make that go away.

“Edward, I – I was pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: discussion about suicide 
> 
> Also - this story is complete on ffn, and the sequel is nearly complete there as well. I'll be gradually posting them here. My penname is just fragilelittleflame on ffn.


	12. Hopeless

_You know the truth hurts, but secrets kill, can’t help thinking that I love it still. Still here, there must be something real. ‘Cause you know the good die young, but so did this. And so, it must be better than I think it is. Give me those eyes, it’s easy to forgive. ~ Halsey, **Hopeless**._

 

~H.K.~

 

_“Edward, I – I was pregnant.”_

            The words tumble out of my mouth before I know what to do with them. But, fuck, I can’t let him sit there and say all of those wonderful things when I know this can’t go anywhere.

            Edward can’t seem to settle on an emotion. I see looks of confusion and shock pass along his features, before a hint of a smile lands on his lips. _Oh, no, no, no_.

            “I _was_ pregnant.” His smile is gone immediately. The pity eyes are back.

            “I – I didn’t know,” I try to keep my voice collected while I continue, but I don’t know how much longer I can stay coherent. “After the, um, shooting the doctor told me there was just too much trauma to my body. I lost it during the surgery.”

            Edward’s eyes are wide as he listens to me. He reaches out for me, his arms about to wrap around me despite his odd angle on the floor by my feet. “Wait. I have to get it all out, okay?” Edward nods, so I continue.

            “There was a lot of damage to my abdomen I guess, and there were complications during the surgery. I, um, I won’t be able to have children. Ever.”

            Edward opens his mouth a few times, but words never come out. He looks utterly defeated, a trait I don’t usually see on him. He’s always the strong one, the one holding me up when I’m falling apart. I wish I was strong enough to be that for him now, but I’m not.

            I’ve spent weeks avoiding this topic. I know Zafrina’s right and that I need to confront it to be able to move on, but I just can’t. I don’t know how.

            Edward’s head falls into my lap, and his arms wrap around me as best they can. His fingers dig into my lower back, but I don’t mind. I let my hands run through his hair.

            “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” I hear Edward mumble into my lap, over and over again.

            I’m not sure how long we sit there. A few minutes, a few hours, I don’t know. It’ll never be long enough to heal the wounds we’ve opened today.

            Eventually, Edward takes three deep breaths and extracts himself from me. He stands up and looks at me for a moment and I know this is it. He’ll leave and that will be the end, so I make sure to memorize as much about him as I can; the exact shade of green of his eyes, the curve of his lips, the odd color of his hair, everything.

            Edward grabs my left hand and pulls me to my feet. He cups my cheek in one of his hands and doesn’t speak until I look him in the eyes.

            “You’re tired,” he says. I think he wanted to say something else, but my droopy eyes probably distracted him.

            I nod, and Edward leads me over to my bed. He helps me get situated, before he slides in right next to me.

            “Sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

            It only takes me a few seconds to fall into the most restful sleep I’ve had in months.

 

~H.K.~

 

            My body is sore, which is typical for me in the mornings these days. I roll over in search for the cooler portion of my bed, but I bump into a hard chest.

            “Hey, sleepy,” Edward mumbles, a soft smile on his face.

            “You’re… still here.”

            I can’t believe it. I have no expectations when it comes to anything these days. I don’t expect to still have a career by the time I can work again. I don’t expect to have many friends left now that I can’t pull strings for them. And I most certainly didn’t expect Edward to still be here when I woke up.

            “Of course. I meant everything I said, Bella. We’re going to figure this out.”

            “I don’t know much about your… job. But isn’t lineage kind of important for you?” I’ve seen enough mob movies to know that the Cullen’s will want to extend their line, keep the family business in the family. Edward’s the oldest son, I would assume his parents, Carlisle especially, would be pushing him to find someone to have his children.

            “It doesn’t matter.” Edward says with a shrug. He leans over and gives me a tiny kiss on my forehead. He looks entirely too content.

            “It should. I can’t –“

            “I know. And you’ll never know how sorry I am for everything that has happened in the last month. The pain you’re in from the shooting. The consequences you have to suffer because of it. Abandoning you during that time is unforgivable.”

_Maybe not unforgivable._

            My thought surprises myself. I’ve spent the last month, especially the last week, walking around full of rage and angst. The only person I knew who was involved in this whole situation was Edward, so he was the only one I could blame.

            I hadn’t seen him in months and I had no form of communication with him since the shooting. It was easy to place the blame on him, despite the fact that I knew it wasn’t entirely his fault.

            He fucked up, of course. He should’ve called me to at least let me know what he was doing. But I fucked up too. I should’ve let him keep his guards closer to me.

            Neither of us are perfect. We’re dirty and stubborn and proud. But, despite all of our differences, we fit. We get each other.

            “But give me time, give us time. We can go away while you recover and solidify our relationship before we face the real world.”

            God, that sounds amazing. Spending time with Edward where neither of us are worried about work or real life is quite the fantasy.

            I don’t want to say it, but I know I have to. “Time isn’t going to change a lot of our issues, Edward.”

            “Time will change our outlook on our issues, though.”

            He does have a point. Sitting in my house for the next six months probably isn’t going to do me any good, anyway.

            “What are we going to do?”

            Edward smiles, one of his brilliant smiles that takes up his whole face. “Whatever you want. We can have our _crazy night out in New York City_ over and over again.”

            I laugh. I laugh for maybe the first time in weeks and it feels phenomenal.

            “You’ll really go away with me?”

            “Yes.” I tell him definitively.

            This isn’t something I ever would have done six months ago. I did what I was told, I followed the rules, and I did my job. Meeting Edward and falling in love with him has shown me how miserable and alone I was before.

            We have issues, more issues that I can count, but that doesn’t matter, not really. What matters is Edward willing to drop everything to take me away from all of this.

            “Bella! Where are you?” Kate shouts from downstairs.

            “You need to keep your door locked.” Edward grumbles. He rolls out of bed and runs his fingers through his hair.

            I manage to heave myself out of bed and look around the room for my sling. I really shouldn’t have slept without it last night, but I was a bit distracted.

            I find it in the floor of the bathroom and start the long process of getting everything hooked up properly.

            “Need help?” Edward asks me. He’s leaning against the bathroom doorframe, looking deliciously rumpled. _I shouldn’t be having sexy thoughts. We still have a long way to go before we get there again_.

            I may be able to forgive Edward for all of the mistakes he’s made, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still pissed about some of them.

            “Yes, please,” I hand him the sling and we spend two minutes getting it to fit right, both of us laugh at how complicated it is.

            Edward’s laughs die down, and a hand comes to cup my face. “Can I kiss you?”

            I sigh. _Finally_. “Please.” Our lips meet in a kiss that only comes from months of longing. Was that morning in the suite really the last time I saw him? God, that seems like a lifetime ago.

            I want nothing more than for Edward to crush my body to his, but I know that would only result in excruciating pain.

            “I missed you. A lot,” I admit, resting my head against his chest, listening to his pounding heart.

            “I missed you, too, baby.” Edward plants a soft kiss on top of my head.

            “No more long separations. We make bad decisions when that happens.”

            Edward chuckles. “Deal.”

 

~H.K.~

 

            “So, where exactly are you going?” Kate asks me. We’re sitting at my kitchen table, her, Edward, and I. She was pleasantly surprised to see Edward here, and I found out about their communication about me behind my back.

            I can’t say that I’m happy about it, but I suppose I have to be okay with it. Without them talking, Edward never would have shown up at my place last night.

            I’m trying to get a better handle on my emotions. I’ve let them take over my reactions for the last few weeks, but I need to get them in check again. I would say not throwing a mug against the wall when they told me they had been in contact was a good first step.

            “We don’t know, yet. Anywhere, everywhere,” I shrug. The thought of the unknown usually scares me, but I know I’ll be okay with Edward by my side.

            “Bella will be coming with me to Chicago in a couple of days. I need a few weeks to tie up some business before we leave.”

            Kate glances between the two of us. “What about your physical therapy?”

            “I’ll have her doctor flown out to us once a month to make sure she’s doing okay.” Edward says.

            “I can go to him. I don’t want to –“

            Edward frowns at that. “She’ll be covered on the medical front. I’ll take care of it.”

            “Oh, I have no doubt,” Kate tells Edward. His overprotectiveness has really shined today, and Kate has gotten a good laugh about it. “You have to call me at least once a month so I know you’re doing okay.”

            “I will. I promise. Maybe, depending on where we are, you could come out and meet us in a few months?” I ask her.

            Kate and I travel together all of the time, but it’s never for a relaxing vacation. We’re always working. She’s been by my side constantly for nearly five years. It’s going to be odd not having her a phone call away anymore. I’ll definitely be needing my Kate fill in a few months.

            “Deal.” Kate smiles at me. “But, you have to tell Heidi that you’re fleeing the country. I am so not dealing with that.” Kate shudders, and so do I. Heidi will not be happy

            But I don’t care, because I think I’m on the road to being happy again.

            Kate leaves a few minutes later. She had come over to spend some time with me so I wasn’t alone all day, but with Edward here, she didn’t have to stay. She is going to come over tomorrow to help me pack a little bit, though.

            Later that afternoon, Edward and I are cuddled together on the couch flipping through channels. I called Heidi a while ago, and she’s on her way over here to talk. I feel bad, I know she thinks this talk is about me wanting to get back to work earlier. She’s going to be pissed.

 Edward’s hand freezes suddenly, the television frozen on Entertainment Tonight.

            “Ugh, why are we watching this?” I would reach for the controller, but Edward his holding my one good hand in one of his.

            “We’ve got a few high-profile award show nominations to discuss today, Nancy. Let’s start with the Grammys. Who are you rooting for?”

            Oh, boy. Here we go.

            “I’m rooting for _Badlands_ all around. Isabella Swan’s debut album has gotten her nominated for a total of five awards: Best New Artist, Best Pop Vocal Album, Best Pop Solo Performance, Best Song Written for Visual Media, and the top honor of the night, Album of the Year.”

            “Jesus,” Edward mutters under his breath. I can feel blush start to creep up my chest.

            I haven’t really had the time or energy to think about the award nominations. I know Welcome to the Badlands has gotten some Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild nominations as well, but I can’t even remember what categories they were in.

            “I would say there is no doubt Swan will be going home with at least one win that night, but the real question is will she be at the award show?”

            Edward turns off the television then, and a second later Heidi is banging on the door. _Here we go_.

            Edward gets up to let Heidi in and I follow behind him, just at a much slower pace.

            “Who are you?” Heidi snaps at Edward the moment he has the door open.

            “I’m Bella’s boyfriend.” Edward tells her. I can hear the smile in his voice. He’s never gotten to introduce himself as that before.

            Heidi squints at Edward, and then her face lights up. ”You’re the one from New York City.”

            “Uh, yeah, that was me.”

            “Come in, Heidi. We need to talk.”

            We all sit around the same table we were at with Kate just a few hours earlier. I take a deep breath before ripping off the band-aid, so to speak.

            “I’m leaving town, I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone.”

            Heidi sighs. “Well, I can’t say I didn’t see this coming. I do have one condition, though.”

            “What’s that?”

            “If, and when, you get nominated for an Academy Award for _Welcome to the Badlands_ , you have to attend. I’d like for you to at least attend the Grammys as well, but the Oscars are my only demand.”

            A knot of fear forms in my chest. “I don’t know if I can, Heidi. I’m –“

            “I’ll go with you. As much as I can. I’m sure I could blend in the crowd, right?” Edward looks at Heidi, who nods. “I’ll be there with you every second that I can.”

            It is appealing. I put a lot of effort into that album and movie. I never thought they would be nominated for these awards, but it’s pretty amazing that they are getting this kind of attention. I guess we could come back for the shows. If it’s even nominated at the Oscars. _If_.

 

~H.K.~

 

            “Time to wake up, beautiful.”

            “Mmmm, too tired,” I grumble. I’m too comfortable to get up.

            “You’ll be more comfortable in bed. Come on,” Edward grabs my hand and helps me out of his car.

            I look around and recognize the underground parking garage of his building in Chicago. Being back here makes me smile.

            “I haven’t been here in a while.”

            Edward brings our connected hands up to his lips. Once we make it up the elevator to his penthouse, I’m met with the delicious scent of home cooked food.

            “Edward, you made it!” A woman shouts from the kitchen. She comes to the foyer and I recognize her as Edward’s mother. Her long hair, just a shade or two lighter than Edward’s, is a dead giveaway.

            “Oh, Isabella, it is so nice to see you again. I’m Esme, Edward’s mother. I didn’t know you’d be here.” She holds her hand out to shake mine, but my right arm is still locked up in a sling.

            “Mother,” Edward admonishes.

            “Oh, I’m sorry, dear.” She truly looks sorry; It isn’t the same empty apologies I get from my own mother. Esme leans over to me and places a gentle, motherly kiss to my cheek.

            “Come, come, everyone is already sitting down.” Esme scurries off to the kitchen and I’m left alone with Edward again.

            “What is going on?” I whisper.

            “I told them not to do this.”

            “Do what?”

            “Christmas dinner. They usually have it at my parents.”

            “Christmas – it’s Christmas?” _Shit_. I didn’t even realize. I guess I just lost track of time after my family left after thanksgiving.

            “You can head upstairs, I’ll just tell them you were tired after the trip.” Edward suggests.

            “No, it’s okay. Let’s go.”

            All eyes are on us as we enter Edward’s dining room. His whole family is here, all gathered around the table. Edward quickly takes a seat at the head, and I take one next to him. Thankfully, Alice is on my other side.

            “Nice of you to join us, Edward.” Carlisle grumbles from the other side of the table. _God, I hate him_.

            “Don’t start, Carlisle,” Edward warns.

            “Edward and Isabella made it Carlisle, now let’s just enjoy a nice Christmas dinner.” Esme encourages, passing serving bowls around the table.

            Dinner, for the most part, is enjoyable. The rest of the family talks amongst themselves, and Edward keeps a calming hand on my knee the entire time.

            I get a glare or two from Carlisle and Rosalie, but I ignore them. Two more weeks here and then it’s just me and Edward. I have to hold on to that.

            After dinner, Carlisle pulls Edward away for a private conversation. Alice joins me on the comfortable couch in the living room.

            “So, you’re doing okay?” Alice asks, her eyes on my sling.

            “Okay as I can be,” I shrug.

            “I’m really glad you’re here, Bella. Edward’s different now that he has you; happier.”

            “I’m happier when I’m with him too,” I admit.

            “Where are you guys going first?” Alice asks me.

            “I’m not sure yet. I’m going to make a list of places while Edward is finishing some work the next couple weeks. Any suggestions?”

            Alice launches into an extensive conversation, basically with herself, about the cities with the best shops. Of course, none of that interests me, but I smile and nod at all the right places.

            “So, Hollywood, I hear you’re up for some fancy awards?” Emmett plops down on the couch next to us, a relaxed smile on his face.

            “Yeah, a few,” I shrug. I don’t like thinking about the big awards too much before the actual ceremony. There’s no use getting worked up about it.

            “She’s just being modest. Five Grammys is a big deal, Bella!” Alice. Of course.

            There’s a thud from upstairs and all of our heads snap toward the noise. “Do you think they’re okay up there?”

            “Oh, they’re fine. Carlisle is just the last to find out Edward is leaving for an undetermined amount of time. He’s sure to throw a fit.”

            That makes me nervous. I know all too well what it is like to be on the receiving end of Carlisle’s wrath. Edward does too, of course, but I have the sudden need to see that he’s okay.

            “I should –“

            Before I can finish my thought a door slams from upstairs and Carlisle rushes down the steps, followed closely by Edward.

            Esme gets up and follows Carlisle as he heads toward the door. She gives me an apologetic smile as she passes.

            “Think about what you’re doing, Edward.” Are Carlisle’s last words before the elevator doors shut.

            “Everyone else needs to leave.” Edward says, his voice harsh, but tired.

            Alice gives me a smile as she stands in the elevator with Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie.

            “Are you okay?” I ask Edward once the doors close and we’re finally alone.

            “I will be in two weeks.”

 

~H.K.~

 

            The sound of the shower running wakes me up. I peak over at the clock and see it’s only half past four. Edward has taken to getting to work before the sun even rises for the past week.

            Even though we’re living together, I haven’t seen much of him since we got to Chicago. He’s been busy tying up loose ends with work. It’s not his fault, I know, but I have found myself longing for a little time with him. _One more week, then he’s all mine_.

            I hear a deep moan come from the bathroom and it piques my interest. I get out of bed, smiling at how my abdomen doesn’t protest at every little move I make now, and quietly enter the en suite.

            I can see Edward’s hazy figure behind the glass of the shower. He’s got one hand leaning himself up against the wall, and another furiously stroking his cock. _Shit_.

            “Fuck, Bella,” he moans out and I think he caught me staring, but he hasn’t. He starts to move his arm a little faster.

            Without thinking, or removing my clothing, I walk over to the shower. Edward freezes when he hears the door open.

            “Did you need some help?” I ask him with a smirk.

            Edward has been frustratingly chaste with me. It’s understandable and necessary, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still have a little bit of fun.

            Still lost in the haze of his fantasy, or simply uncaring about all of his other worries, Edward pulls me beneath the spray and kisses me with all he’s got.

            I break our lips apart and slowly kiss my way down his chest until I’m on my knees, my face level with his cock.

            “You don’t have to –“

            “Is this what you were thinking about?” I ask him, my left hand gripping him in long, even strokes.

            “You were talking in your sleep.” Edward grunts out. “Moaning my name, begging me to – _fuck_.”

            I take as much of his cock in my mouth as I can manage and revel in his response. _I missed this._ Edward leans both of his hands against the wall behind me, his upper body hovering over me.  

            “Fuck, I’ve missed you. Your mouth – _shit_ – your delicious pussy.” Edward grunts.

            I release him with a little pop, and pepper kisses along his length. “You don’t have to be so gentle with me all the time, you know.”

            Just a few minutes later I can feel his entire body tense. Edward pats my head, letting me know he’s about to come, but I ignore his warning and take him as deep as I can again.

            “Shit, shit, _shit_.” Edward chokes out as he comes in long spurts down my throat.

            I sit back on my heels and smile up at Edward. It feels good to see him, feel him, and do something normal for once.

            I stand up and end up between the arms he still has braced on the tile behind me. Edward’s eyes are closed, his mouth hangs open as he tries to catch his breath. I capture his bottom lip between my teeth and tug.

            “You’re feisty this morning.”

            “I miss you.” I shrug. It’s true.

            Edward gives me a half smile and brushes my wet hair away from my face. “I miss you, too. How’s your shoulder?”

            My right arm is free of the sling for now. The doctor told me that when I started to feel less pain, and when I could tell it was regaining some of its strength, I could test my arm without it. I took it off yesterday and, thankfully, it’s felt okay since.

            I lift my right arm and twist my shoulder in a circle. There’s a dull ache, but it’s nothing compared to what it used to be. “Good, I think.”

            Edward smiles at me. “Good,” he gives me a soft peck, and then looks down at my soaked clothes.

            “Eager?” Edward asks with his signature cocky smirk. _I love it._

            “A little bit,” I admit. Only Edward could make me blush less than ten minutes after I had his cock in my mouth.

            Half an hour later Edward is gone and I take an actual shower. Once I get out I look at myself in the foggy mirror, wrapped up in a fluffy towel. I tug a bit at the wet hair falling over my shoulders. It’s grown a few inches past my chest now.

            Heidi always told me to never get more than a trim because the longer my hair was, the younger I looked. Hair this long was a pain to keep up with, though.

_Can you cut my hair?_

            I send Alice a quick text. I know she used to cut hair when she was in school to make ends meet before she met Jasper, and I know I can’t just walk into a hair salon here.

**Yes! I’ll be there in an hour.**

            I look at my naked body in the mirror and grimace at what I see. Internally, I’m feeling better every day. I can move more freely now without my abdomen screaming at me, and my PT is helping my arm a lot. But I still have nasty marks along my body as memories of the wounds. The dark marks on my shoulder and side should fade a little with time, but I know I’ll have scars there forever.

             

~H.K.~

 

            God, it’s beautiful here. Our first stop on our vacation is Italy. Florence, I think, is the name of the town we’re in. It’s bright and breathtaking.

            Edward has us in a fancy hotel for now, and our balcony overlooks a gorgeous river. The room is beautiful, but nothing can hold a candle to the view.

            I’ve discovered that Edward loves the finer things in life. I’ve never asked him, but I’m sure he must have an ungodly amount of money. I don’t want to know if it’s from his legal businesses or his more under the table dealings.

            We’ve talked a lot since we left Chicago four days ago. It’s a new year and our goal is to communicate more. We talk about the mistakes we’ve made and how we’re going to deal with everything whenever we get back to reality. We have a long time before we have to deal with that, but I don’t want worries about the future to cloud our vacation.

            The one thing we know for sure, is that we’re solid. No matter what, it’s us against whatever else may come our way.

            Edward may be a bad man based on some people’s standards. He deals with illegal drugs and weapons and he’s killed more people than I care to think about. But, with me, he’s just Edward.

            He’s the man who whispered dirty things in my ear the first time I met him. He’s the guy who had my favorite snack sent to my hotel rooms around the country just to make me smile. He’s the man who holds me at night when I cry, thinking about how I can’t give him children.

            Every day I think about that smile he had on his face when he thought I was pregnant.

            He’s not perfect, no one is, but he’s perfect for me.

            He’s snoring in the bedroom so loud I can hear him from the balcony. It’s a little chilly to be sitting out here, but I’ve always liked the cold.

            I know, for me, in order to move on from everything that has happened the last six months, I need to write it down. I need to get all of my anger and frustration and sadness down on paper and out of my mind.

            I pull an old notebook into my lap, and write down the words as they flash through my mind.

_Two households, both alike in dignity_

_In fair Verona, where we lay our scene_

_From ancient grudge break to new mutiny_

_Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean_

_From forth the fatal loins of these two foes_

_A pair of star-cross’d loves take their life;_

_Whose misadventure piteous overthrows_

_Do with their death bury their parents’ strife_

_The fearful passage of their death-mark’d love_

_And the continuance of their parents’ rage_

_Which, but their children’s end, nought could remove_

_Is now the two hours’ traffic of our stage_

_The which of you with patient ears attend_

_What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend_

_I am a child of a_

_Money hungry, prideful country_

_Grass is green and it’s always sunny_

_Hands so bloody, tastes like honey_

_I’m finding it hard to leave_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That little excerpt at the bottom is from The Prologue by Halsey, in case anyone was wondering.


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